Life at home

Cameron Madden
MSMU Class of 2028

(11/24) A lot of the focus on modern conversation on warfare goes towards the poor souls that are directly a part of the fighting, and are actively thrown into combat, or in the logistics operations and high-ranking military staff that make the war happen. Besides the conclusion however, where these soldiers are finally able to return to civilian life, little is noted outside of the civilian side of military personnel.

You are probably familiar with stories of veterans suffering after a war from either physical or mental altercations that they caught from fighting. Along with these stories, you get common tales of veterans being dissociated with civilian life, leading to depression and disparagement from who they were; not to mention all the hardships suffered from either disrespect or lack of assistance from their government.

If one were to think back on a specifically bad time for veterans, then most Americans would point to the Vietnam era, where soldiers fought in a losing war suffering horrific casualties only to come home to people who hated them for fighting a war they didn’t want to be a part of. Before this time, veterans were highly esteemed for their services to their country and freedom, but due to contested politics that flipped during the late 60s-70s, those who came back from Vietnam were not treated as such.

During the Vietnam War, a more personal story was brewing, one, which like many today, is still ignored. As my grandpa went into the military (thankfully not deployed but still stationed,) he had to leave his fiance, my grandma, at home, waiting for his return. My grandma’s story shares a similar sentiment to millions of other stories underrepresented in the media today: the hardships faced by military spouses or loved ones while their loved one is deployed.

It might seem odd to some people out there; after all the hardships of being under gunfire and being surrounded by death seems to be one of the worst things someone can be subjected to. Yet having to live with the possibility that your loved one is in that situation every day, or even worse that they have perished from it, is certainly its own kind of torment. My Grandma, tough as she is, had a very hard time worrying about my Grandad during this time. Even though he wasn’t deployed, there was always the possibility that one day he could be dragged to the jungles of Vietnam, and all it would take is a single decision to send him there.

The dread, as she had told me, was on some days too much for her to handle; she says however, that once a cigarette was in her hands at the time then she would not feel so bad, so there is that at least! You see, the two of them had been dating since they were thirteen years old, meaning that they had years of life experience together, and have pretty much been the only ones for one another at this point. So when he had to leave and be stationed away, it was like she was missing part of herself while he was gone. The worry that he would be deployed into Vietnam made it so that any letter he would send back would entail a sense of tragedy, as any notice could be an indicator that he would be off to war, and worse that it could be the last of his letters to her.

Growing up as a young adult now out of high school, and with the love of her life off hundreds of miles away with the potential to be sent further, my Grandma had to step up and live for herself in the meantime, preparing to one day reunite with my Grandfather. As it turns out, it was a lot more different than how one might have hoped it would have gone. She had to work as a waitress or whatever jobs would accept her during that time so that she can have some money on her own, while also living with her parents for most of the time; spending whatever nights that she was not with her parents at friends houses. It turns out that living for an extended period of time in a household that she was never to fond of made my Grandma extremely busy and tired, seeing as she would work hard at work and come home to a stressful family environment, all the while worrying about the love of her life and wondering what he is up to during the time.

While waiting for my Grandpa to return, every one of her friends were getting married to the love of their lives, and moving into homes together and starting families. My Grandma recounts that about a year in of my Grandpa being in the military, her best friend had gotten married, bought a house, and was even pregnant, all the while she was working a 9-5 at a diner living at her parents house hoping her fiancé wouldn’t be sent to the frontlines. This odd reality was something she would have to live with for two and a half years, and everyday she says that she had missed him.

I think that it is important to discuss what my Grandma had to go through, since she had to give up a lot of progress in her life, watch everyone else around her move on, and worry everyday about the person she had to do all this for. Seeing that her story, of a woman waiting for her husband or soon-to-be in war is one repeated in every decade, by millions of people not only in the United States, but across the world, is something to admire and appreciate. How grateful it is to have someone care so much that they will halt their life to wait for you, even if you might not come back. Maybe we can appreciate veterans more by giving praise to their wonderful spouses that not only encouraged them to push on, but to come back!