Remembering my favorite ‘Flounder’

Devin Owen
MSMU Class of 2026

(1/2025) Can you think back to a moment when you threw a rock or a stick into a pond and the water would scatter into different ripples? They go on and on and on. Have you ever felt a ripple effect in your life though? That is, a person or event that changed or guided the trajectory of your life, leading you to where you are today. I myself can probably think of multiple, both good and bad events that occurred in my life, people who had positive or negative impacts, and people who I hold a special place for in my heart.

The new year of 2025 marks two years without my Uncle Charlie. He passed away in April of 2023 after a fifteen-year battle with cancer. He was one of the absolute strongest people that I knew. His kindness and loyalty shined bright even when he was facing his darkest of days. When Mike prompted us to write about somebody who made an effect on our lives I sat and thought for a while. I feel like there are so many meaningful people in my life, all of which made numerous impacts on my life, shaping the way it has turned out so far. How could I possibly pick one person or event to write about when I’ve been alive for twenty years already? My uncle was very popular during his time on Earth, I was always hearing stories about him from everyone who found out I was his niece. It was always all good things; thinking of him brought smiles to a person’s face and their eyes would light up as they laughed and talked about him and their experiences with him over the years. For someone who had such a positive, significant impact on others I found that he is the perfect person to talk about, especially when focusing on the ripple effect.

When I was younger, my childhood was filled with a lot of experiences that a child my age should not have had to endure. Even though I was surrounded by so much negativity, my uncle was always a guiding light that reminded me of all the good that awaited me in the world. I always referred to Uncle Charlie as ‘Captain Flounder.’ You see, I was absolutely obsessed with "The Little Mermaid" growing up and anytime that I would swim at my grandma’s pool I would make Uncle Charlie play mermaids with me, and I dubbed him Flounder, because I (of course) was Ariel and Flounder was Ariel’s best friend. Up until he passed, we kept this name going. I even told his friends at the docks his nickname, although he wasn’t too pleased with that part.

Charlie Helmer was a man of many talents, but the one that mattered most to me was his talent for putting other people first. I can name a plethora of times that Charlie would go to great lengths to make sure I had everything I ever wanted or needed, but the one time that meant the most was my graduation party. The two sides of my family don’t always get along and frankly, I was worried that neither side would even show up due to the long-time ‘feud.’ Uncle Charlie went above and beyond that day. He was barely a year away from the date that he would pass, yet he made sure that he was there supporting me, making sure I knew that this was my day of celebration so I shouldn’t have to worry whether or not my family would get along. He went and talked to my mom’s side of the family and made conversation, he laughed with everyone, he met all of my friends, and he took pictures with me that I now get to cherish forever.

I remember when I introduced Uncle Charlie to my boyfriend for the first time. I had never introduced my family to someone unless I knew it was serious, so this was his first time ever meeting someone who I had been dating, and boy was he ready! My aunt and uncle hadn’t had children of their own but, he was fully prepared to play the role of over-protective dad for a moment. It didn’t last very long though; Uncle Charlie was too sweet and personable to appear intimidating to anyone really, let alone a teenage boy who loved his niece. They talked about swimming, fishing, sushi, food, and water polo for the entire weekend that we were visiting. It was the first time in a while that I was able to see my uncle’s eyes and face light up; it was as if the sickness that had its hold on him was non-existent for the time being and God did we revel in it. This was only a few months prior to his passing, and it warmed my heart to know that he got to have a few more normal moments and feelings to experience.

Grief is a funny thing. I feel like most people don’t expect it to shape us and change the way we view life; I know I certainly didn’t. Losing my uncle completely hotwired my brain and view of life in general. We take so many moments for granted and don’t think twice about it. Looking back at the memories I have with Uncle Charlie makes my heart happy, but it also brings tears to my eyes because I miss him dearly. Life hasn’t been the same without him here.

Charlie Helmer created a ripple effect in my life unlike any other. He taught me that our time is precious, and we shouldn’t waste a second of it. His presence in my life always reminded me that I am never alone, and he supported and pushed me to pursue every dream I had. Without him, I wouldn’t be where I am today: I wouldn’t be as good at baking or talking to people, I wouldn’t be as compassionate or empathetic as I have learned to be, and I certainly wouldn’t understand the true power that love and time hold. I learned very quickly the impact that one person can have on your life, the ripples they create in the path of your life plans, it just all comes into view once you’ve lost them.