Striving for independence

Morgan Rooney
MSMU Class of 2020

(1/2020) As this decade is coming to an end, I’ve been asking myself where the time has gone. Although I am still young, I’ve come to the realization that time goes slow during the difficult times, and quickly when we’re enjoying ourselves and having fun.

Ten years ago, I was very eager to grow up. There were certain attachments I had to my youth, but overall, I was excited to become an adult. I wanted to be in control of my own life instead of being told that I was too young to do things. My independent nature got the best of me fairly often and sometimes I wish I had a different approach to life. It was only earlier this year that I turned 21. I saw this as the last big age milestone where I would no longer be told I was too young. Indeed, it still feels like that’s the case but I wonder if I would have enjoyed myself more if I had a different attitude towards those restrictions.

Other than just age restrictions, I had many other reasons for my enthusiasm to reach adulthood. Part of this is because I wanted to prove to everyone that I could become successful once I started creating my own path. Now I realize that the only person I’m trying to prove anything to is myself.

When I was a sophomore at the Mount, I remember writing an audio essay for a writing class I decided to take. This essay applies to the idea of me growing up very well. I wrote about the reasoning I had for flying across the country from Texas to Maryland for my higher education. To summarize it all up, I wrote about how my entire life, I never felt very independent. I felt like everything I did, someone was always with me. Whether this be my parents, my sister, or my close childhood friends, everything I did wasn’t an experience I had for myself. When I grow old one day and I tell stories about my life, I want there to be unique parts of my stories that no one else has ever experience in the same way. I want my life story to be a collection of thousands of unique stories coming together. I felt like the first step into creating an independent life was to be independent in a literal sense. I’m still not sure if it was the best possible decision I could have made, both in a financial sense and in a personal sense. Either way, I got to where I am now and there’s no possible way to turn back. There is no sense in dwelling in the past when there is a beautiful future to create in the present.

A decade ago, I had just began middle school. This meant that I began trying new things that I had never done before. I only stuck with certain activities but each and everything I did molded me into the person I am now, both inside and out. When I was eleven years old, I began playing the viola in school. I joined the Beginner Orchestra and performed in concerts throughout the year to friends and family. I’m so glad that this opportunity was given to me as I have learned a lot from it and have enjoyed every moment of playing by myself and amongst other people. It was the first time I ever felt like anyone had a reason to be proud of me. I still play to this day and I will continue to play throughout my adult life.

My introverted nature is something I thought that I would be able to take with me throughout my adult life and into my career. I wouldn’t say that’s entirely false but being a shy eleven-year-old and being an introverted adult are two different things. In a sense, being introverted had been an advantage throughout my life. I am quiet, reserved, and often feel like that is the sensible way to be in certain situations. Introversion, however, has held me back in other ways. In my senior seminar class, one topic that was always drilled into my head was the need to "expand my network." I wish things like this came more natural to me and it’s taken me a while to become more comfortable with this. Something I’ve learned throughout the past ten years is that success is all about leaving your comfort zone. No one ever became successful by staying in their own personal bubble. To move forward, one must commit to change, even when they don’t want to.

I still have the same optimism that I had ten years ago, but it would be a lie to say that I was optimistic throughout the entire ten-year stretch. I have never known exactly what the next stage of my life was going to be. This keeps life exciting but adds a hint of anxiety that pushes me to try harder. In middle school, I was eager to reach high school and get my driver’s license to expand my independence. When I was in high school, I was eager to graduate and go away to college to expand my independence. Now that I am approaching the end of my four years in college, I am looking forward to beginning my professional life and start my career. Part of me will always have the need for independence and look forward to the future. I’ve learned that there’s nothing wrong with this as long as I don’t forget to live in the moment.

Instead of saying that my personality has changed throughout the decade, I will say that it has developed and matured. I still carry many of the traits I had when I was eleven, whether they are good or bad. Regardless of becoming an adult, I know that I was always be that same introverted, optimistic girl striving for independence and success.

Read other articles by Morgan Rooney