Mary Angel

(9/2018) It is that time of year again, summer is ending and the school year is beginning. I am having awful guilt over the excitement I am feeling this year. I have one child in college, two in high school, and one homeschooled. If you saw me right now you might think I won the lottery or at least a grocery store shopping spree. There is a little pep in my step and an extra-large grin on my face. You see this year encompasses many firsts and I am giddy at the prospects while also feeling a little apprehensive as well.

I will start with the oldest, this is his first full time semester back home going to community college. He is working at our local grocery store, going to (much more affordable) community college, acting with a local theater group, and finding a little time to jump back into the dating scene. I am so excited for this new chapter in his life and all of the promising opportunities that are before him. It is amazing, as a mom, to remember that little tiny baby you brought home from the hospital while staring into the face of an adult!

My next oldest is a senior in high school this year. His time will be spent on school work, marching band, maybe a sport or two, SAT practice and test taking, and a few more college visits. He will most likely follow in his brother’s footsteps straight to community college to get his general education credits out of the way before transferring to a four year school. He is so excited for his senior year in the marching band and taking extra music classes that he is about to burst from anticipation. I am overwhelmed by his ambition and focus to become a high school teacher. This is a child who did only what needed to be done to get by in school until he found his direction. Now he isn’t letting anything stop him!

My third child is where most of the worry and apprehension come in. This will be my first girl going into high school and I am pretty sure I am neither ready nor prepared. She is excited one moment and extremely nervous the next. The roller coaster of emotions this transition is causing has the entire house in an uproar. Since she has been mostly homeschool for years there is an extra component of nerves to be dealt with; that being a lack of connections with her classmates. She can’t wait to see her best friend at school and to make some new friends, but can certainly wait to run into a frenemy for as long as possible.

There is definitely a comfort level when we talk about how much people have probably changed over the years. I guess I am just hoping and praying that all goes well for her, she makes good solid friends who will have her best interest at heart, classes are successful, and she can avoid high school heartaches. I am also a little sad because I have had her at home for so long it is like the ending of an era. She asked the other day if I would cry on her first day of high school and I told her I wasn’t sure but maybe not since I am so excited for this opportunity for her. I am pretty sure as the day grows closer that I was wrong in my assumption and I will, in fact, cry (like a blubbering idiot).

This sad, albeit wonderful, transition is why I have guilt and bring me to the baby and fourth child. I am so excited for this new chapter of homeschooling. The chapter where I am homeschooling only one middle schooler and all of my attention can be devoted solely to her; a school year where I am not constantly being interrupted by one child needing my attention "immediately" and then the other one also needing my attention just as urgently. A school year where I can gear all of my field trips around a specific curriculum and therefore make them so much more relevant seems simply magical and up till now unattainable. So where does the guilt come in? I am in essence excited that my 14-year-old daughter is going back to school so that I can focus more time and energy on my 11 year old daughter’s education.

I have mommy guilt about being excited, about not having focused more on the 14 year old, about any number of other self-perceived failures as a mom. If you can’t tell mommy guilt can have a bit of a snowball effect. Still, I am excited and I hope it is going to be a wonderful year. Not to overlook the 11 year old, she is a little nervous about being homeschooled without her sister. She has been homeschooling with her sister almost entirely since she started first grade. When school is over each day they go and play together. She is a little sad at the thought of not having anyone to spend time with and talk with (apparently I don’t count).

So, a lot of excitement and a lot of changes are making this year start off with a bang. I know everyone has these transitional years full of anxiety and adventure but this definitely seems to be a big one for this family. I hope everyone has a great beginning, middle, and end to another wonderful school year. Remember, be kind, be supportive, and be a mom! You Got This!

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