Mary Angel

(8/2018) I am the mother of a fourteen-year-old daughter…Whaaaattttt! I am pretty sure I am not old enough to have a fourteen-year-old daughter. Well, maybe I am old enough, but I am certainly not ready for a fourteen-year-old daughter who is starting high school. A teenage daughter going into high school may be one of the scariest thoughts I have ever had!

For those of you with only boys or girls who are not quite to high school age let me clue you in to the roller coaster ride I am on. You see a teenage girl has many personalities. Some of those personalities are quite pleasant to be around and others are what nightmares are made of. Unfortunately you don’t always know which personality you are going to encounter from moment to moment.

The wonderful thing about my daughter turning fourteen is that we are starting to have glimpses of the sweet little girl we remember from her younger years. There are times when she is super loving and super funny. The other evening her sister and I were having a sleepover in the living room and my fourteen year old came out and climbed on her sister’s bed. Her and her little sister laid face to face whispering and giggling and I started to tear up at that wonderful site. Not only was it amazingly sweet, but it had been so long since they connected like that. Actually, since my oldest daughter hit puberty (prematurely) she has had more snippy days than not. So, I guess from that standpoint I am grateful for the roller coaster ride that now includes a few more sweet moments.

Those times during the day when she gives me a great big hug or comes up and lays her head on me and just whispers she loves me are what make my day! For a while there we were in the "Don’t hug me, mom!" stage. Not to mention the "Mom, you are embarrassing me!" stage. So I love this change as well. I have also noticed she suddenly wants to talk to her brothers more. I will walk into a room and there they will be her and one or both of her brothers, like they are friends, sitting and chatting about any number of things. These are some wonderful changes and amazing moments to behold. Unfortunately at any second one of her brothers could make an innocent statement and suddenly she turns into an emotional wreck. The response could be anger, screaming, or just simple tears (you have wounded me deeply tears of course).

It seems we are not out of the woods yet. Quite the contrary, we may have just reached a small glen at the beginning of the woods. Although it is a beautiful spot with the sun shining through and flowers blooming and a babbling brook nearby, we still have to make it through the dark scary woods to the other side. This side of the woods involves not only crazy hormones and emotions but also dating and high school drama and preparing for adult hood, Oh My! (Hopefully no lions and tigers and bears, but maybe a few snakes and wolves)

This morning she got up very emotional and a little snarky and when she got home from camp she was a sweet little angel. However, by dinner something had changed (which she couldn’t explain) and she was excusing herself from the table to go have a good cry. Please don’t misunderstand, or be scared away from reproducing, not every day is a constant roller coaster. Some days are one emotion or another, a sweet day or a grouchy day. Let me just say this, sweet or grouchy, there is something to be said for knowing which personality you are going to be dealing with for the day. Thinking you are walking into the lamb’s pen and finding out it is the lion’s den is startling and a bit off putting.

Quite often the child has no idea why there moods are swinging like a pendulum that has been overwound. I remember a story of a girl around the same age running crying into the bathroom and locking the door. When her father asked her why she was crying her response was one that had him calling his wife at work to find out what it meant. The response was a torrential downpour of tears and a gargled, "I Don’t Know!" That particular dad had no problem admitting he was in way over his head. This is part of what accentuates the emotions, not knowing why you are feeling the way you do. All teenagers have to deal with raging hormones and crazy emotions, but when you add in a time of the month for a girl you have created the perfect storm…and boy can it be a doozy!

So what can we, as parents, do to make sure everyone survives and thrives? It starts with being understanding and knowing that teenagers are just as confused as we are at times. It helps if we can keep our cool when they are being witchy. I know that is sometimes easier said than done. I found it helpful, at the start of puberty, to talk to my daughter about what she might experience and explain that there will be times when it is best for her and me to step away and take some time to calm down and reflect. It isn’t always a good idea to keep pushing when emotions are escalating. We also talked about how it is alright to cry and that sometimes a good cry can make the day seem brighter. It is a lot like the soft beautiful glow that appears after a storm. Remind yourself and your daughter that this is just a season of life. It may seem like it will last forever, but it won’t. Lastly, give more hugs! Trust me when I say that you will both need them!

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