Mary Angel

(8/2019) I have been a little nostalgic recently, which has led me to revisit some of my older articles and advice to all of you. I have definitely given more than my fair share of advice but, I have also given you all a lot of warnings. Warnings like "did you know they won’t always remain babies" or "they will one day, no matter what you do, become teenagers". After all of these earth shattering warnings I realized I have left out a very important one.

Yesterday, while driving with my son I realized I forgot to warn you that when your children become teenagers they will also be old enough to drive! That is right, I said drive. As if that isn’t bad enough, you will be the one who has to be in the passenger’s seat when they are behind the wheel. This is an inevitable fact of life. They need to learn and they need a licensed adult in the seat next to them while they do so. So, when I said I was driving with my son, what I really meant was that I was sitting white knuckled in the front passenger’s seat wondering why I hadn’t bought a vehicle with more "Oh S**t!" handles. I am not sure of that is the technical term for those handles but, I do remember my mom referring to them that way when she taught my brother to drive (now I understand why).

There is no logical way around this rite of passage. The bottom line is that they will need a license to get to work or college or both. For some mom’s there is the chance that the dad will do all of the practice driving and you will be able to just comfort your husband as he regales you of the trials and tribulations of the evenings deadly cruise. The other option is to spend your retirement to pay a driving school to complete your child’s 60 hours of practice driving (which will run you around $2700 including your complementary hours included in the class). I guess you should research relaxation breathing techniques, suck it up, and drive with your teenager.

I can tell you that frantically stomping your imaginary brake will only heighten their stress level (and consequently, yours). I recommend finding a very large, empty parking lot to begin your practice. If you are starting in the summer then any school is a good choice. Church parking lots are also a pretty good choice. When I was young the driver’s education class was a credit class in high school, no you will be required to locate one separate from school. It is a 2 week fairly intensive class. Be forewarned that your child will begin to correct your driving after their second class (at the latest). Also be aware that some of the rules have changed. I will never forget when I asked my sons instructor a very precise question, that I was positive of the answer, and he corrected me with a, "They haven’t done it that way in years".

For the most part it will go better than you expect, but of course there will be those few incidents that you can all laugh about for years to come. For example, my son had one red light that when it turned green he couldn’t seem to take off without giving me whiplash. There were no other stop signs or red lights that had that problem except for one. My mom still tells the story of learning to drive with my grandmother. One time in particular her mom said "hit it" and my mom kept questioning the instruction until my grandmother yelled, "HIT IT!" With that my mom hit the gas and ran up over the concrete parking chock. My grandmother apparently looked at her in shocked and demanded to know what she was thinking. The bottom line is that my grandmother meant hit the brake and was not clear. You must be crystal clear with a new driver. I obviously didn’t learn anything from this story when I was trying to get my son to understand that when I scream "STOP" I mean immediately. I told him to go slowly down the lane and I would yell stop and he should stop immediately. I did not explain that you don’t need to push the brake through the floor and I ended up with whiplash and a bruise from the seatbelt. Maybe it wasn’t that bad but, I was much clearer from then on.

The incident that actually sparked this article was one where I was in the back seat and my husband was the driving instructor. We were stopped at a red light waiting to make a left when we got a green arrow. My husband says go and our son goes a foot or two and stops and my husband says go and then we go another 2 feet. It looked like our van had the hiccups. It turned out that our son thought the oncoming traffic had the right of way because he had never seen a left turn arrow. Apparently there are a lot of opposites and exceptions when you drive. I guess when you have been driving for so long they just become second nature.

I do know when we first started practicing he would jerk the car when he started moving. So we talked about taking your time and having smooth (non 80 mile an hour) starts. Then I realized that he was almost hesitating when he would pull out into traffic because he was trying to be "smooth". Then we had to talk about committing to your decision and pressing firmly but not crazily on the gas. Just like the turn arrow, oncoming traffic does have the right of way unless you have a green arrow. Another one is right on red, unless there is a sign stating you may not.

All of your teens will have different struggles when learning to drive. As for us moms the struggles we will have in common are blood pressure issues, our imaginary brake not working, and worrying about our new driver. Hang in there moms!

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