Mary Angel

(11/2019) The other day a mom from one of my bible studies asked, "How do you do it?" I was confused. I wasn’t sure if she was referring to homeschooling, dealing with my husband’s recent travel schedule, or keeping my sanity while raising three teens and a preteen. None of these seemed to be relevant to her situation nor were they that impressive. Turns out she had noticed that I had been sick for some time and then, as soon as I was well enough, I had surgery. Her question really was how do you "mom" (yes that is a verb in this case) while you are sick or laid up?

I had to give this some thought since I have never really contemplated how it’s done, but rather just done it. Being a mom can be overwhelming at any time and under so many circumstances, but when you are sick it can be even more so. Add to all of that being a young mom with toddlers and babies…oh my! She definitely got me to think about those times when I was much, much younger. When you are a new mom no one can explain exactly how tired you are going to be. And most of us new moms don’t take seriously enough the phrase "sleep when they sleep". On top of being tired you suddenly end up with a bad cold, bronchitis, or worse. Caring for yourself when you were sick before a baby probably seemed tiring, but now you have a completely dependent little child that needs you almost 24/7. What is a new mom to do?

First she should take a deep breath and ask for help. Ask your husband, your mom, your best friend, even older children if they are of a helpful age. You should also reinstate the "sleep when they sleep" adage. When my first child was born my mother-in-law and my mom offered to come over and help my husband and me. They even offered to stay the night the first week or so. My husband laughed and told them we were fine, "After all," he said, "there are two of us and one small baby. How hard can it be?" Famous last words! When we came home from the hospital my husband walked through the door holding a baby with colic and helping a wife with nerve damage in her left leg. He still didn’t think we needed help. It wasn’t until the first night at about 2 a.m. when I was walking the baby to calm the colic and fell. My husband came running, checked on both of us (we were both fine) and yelled, "What were we thinking!" The next two weeks my mom and his took turns spending the night and bringing me the baby when he was hungry, while I sat in a chair. My nerve damage improved greatly in about six months, but the colic didn’t. If it hadn’t been for the help we received I think we both would have lost our minds.

The other thing to remember when you are sick or laid up is you need to take care of yourself. I hope this doesn’t offend or shock anyone, but it is ok to put up the gates and kid proof the living room so you can vegetate while the kids watch the video you popped in. I am not suggesting a daily electronic babysitter. I just need you to understand that if you don’t take care of yourself then you can’t take care of your family. I would also caution you that this is based on your child’s age and your understanding of their abilities. An infant should be in a play pen or down for a nap and if you have a toddler who is an escape artist then this might not be a good choice for you. This leads me to another option. There is an old saying that it takes a village to raise a child. Call on someone in your village. What I mean is trade off with a friend. Your friends, especially those who are at the same stage of parenting as you, are a great support team. Moms are going to get sick and be laid up now and again, so find a friend to help you and help them in return when they are in need. My kids hate when I say it, but team work makes the dream work!

Along the same lines as asking for help and the vegging on the couch would be the playdate exchange. When you have a friend who is laid up from an injury or surgery it is always sweet to bring a meal or offer to clean, but please don’t overlook the blessing of taking the kids for a while. A mom whose kids are out of the house having a playdate will rest and recuperate much better than if she is worrying and trying to entertain them herself. This also reminds me to mention that moms whose kids are out of the house could totally jump in on this blessing. An empty nester mom could offer to take the kids out to lunch, to her house for some crafts, or maybe even to a local attraction (if she feels adequately equipped).

The bottom line is, when you are a mom who isn’t 100%, you have to take care of yourself or you won’t be able to take care of the kids or husband. It is alright to take some down time and not be the house cleaning, alphabet practicing, laundry doing mom you usually are. Take a break and ask for help and remember no matter how put together another mom seems, in these times or others, she has her own struggles. Hope you feel better and drink lots of fluids!

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