Mary Angel

(4/2020) I am truly at a loss for words this month. I try to write my articles to help people, give what little advice I have, and hopefully give some encouragement. This month I am faced with something that has never happened in my lifetime…a true pandemic. Don’t get me wrong there have been some horrible viruses/diseases from SARS to AIDS, but never something like this. I find myself in awe of the good and the bad this has brought out in people. The problem is if I can’t wrap my head around it then how do I explain the ever changing environment to my kids.

Just like most of you I have to figure this out as I go. As you know my kids are now 21, 18, 15, and 12. In some ways this makes it a little easier and in other ways not so much. My philosophy has always been (right or wrong) if the kids are too young to understand then they don’t need to know too much. On the flip side most "adult" children can grasp any explanation you may provide. I, however, have 2 children with anxiety issues, 2 children with OCD, and one that is on the spectrum. That doesn’t mean that I keep information from them, it just means that I need to be careful how and when I spew information their way. I believe up through elementary school the kids may or may not need too much information.

When it comes to the middle school years, let’s face facts they are going to hear things and they are going to have questions. My twelve year old is careful not to ask too many questions. She knows I follow the rule "be careful what you ask" and "don’t ask if you can’t handle the answer". The high schoolers heard everything and then some at school. I am pretty sure they could tell me a thing or two, maybe not accurate information, but a lot of info came home every day. The truth of the matter is that most of what she was told at school was inaccurate. My high schooler was the one that needed me to clarify the most. The older two are in college and they just needed to ask basic "does the media have this right" kind of questions. They also wanted to know if things were as bad as they are made out to be on television.

My response to my kids is to tell them the truth, especially when they ask a direct question. I try to explain to all of them that this is unprecedented and we are all trying to do the best we can. There are people who are over-reacting and people who are not taking this seriously enough. My kids are actually living that. My mom and dad live with us and they both have heart conditions and my mom has COPD. My parents are the textbook case of people who should not leave their house, especially when I am happy to do all of their shopping for them. My mom has been cautious since the beginning but my dad is finally on board with the severity of what could happen. It scares my youngest to listen to him say, "I have had a good life, and if I die now then it was my time." This is when I again ask my dad to stop making those comments, but more importantly it is when I have the opportunity to answer any questions she may have and reassure her to the best of my ability.

My older kids have started increasing the frequency and amount of questions as the concept of lock down is being thrown around like a dodgeball game. Unfortunately for all of us this would be something completely new and we don’t have the answers. I would suggest this is a time to be rational, keep your wits about you, and think before you answer any questions. I know this can be difficult, when as parents, we too can become anxious. However, making our kids more nervous would serve no positive purpose. I tell my kids, on almost a daily basis (because one or more ask), that if we go on lock down it could be for the best. If we go on lock down we have books, games, puzzles, television, smart phones, apps, and much to their chagrin they have school work.

One important fact that I have hopefully gotten my kids to understand is the importance of following the rules. The simple fact is that this virus spreads rapidly and easily when people are in contact with one another. So they shut down schools and limited the amount of people who were allowed to be together and asked people who might have been infected to self-quarantine and people didn’t listen. In my town alone you could ride down the street and see large groups of kids and adults hanging out. So they lowered the limit of people able to gather together (twice) and closed restaurants and bars. Now they have asked all colleges to do distance learning for the rest of the semester. On a personal note, my son needs a teacher in front of him to do well. So, he is convinced he won’t do well and will lose his scholarship. I mention this because there will be a trickle-down effect from this virus. I hope everyone takes on a heart and mind of understanding and compassion when this is all over. The governor of Maryland alluded to the fact that people were still not following the rules. The next step would have to be lock down.

If a lock down happens, please encourage your kids and those around you to view this as a positive step in halting the spread of the virus. Please help them to understand that this is for the good of everyone, and especially those at risk of succumbing to the virus. Let’s work together (6 feet apart) to make sure as many people as possible survive this pandemic. God Bless!

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