Mary Angel

(2/2021) If there is one thing about having children that cannot be denied, it is that they come with a lot of questions. The difficult part is that the questions keep getting harder and, in many cases, more embarrassing. It starts when they are babies and grows, and grows until…well, forever.

When you bring that little baby home from the hospital, the questions are all yours and usually involve a call to a friend, a parent, or the doctor. They sound something like this - "Should the baby be doing this?" or "When should the baby be able to do this?" or "Why does this smell so bad?" or "Are we ever going to sleep through the night again?" At the time, these seem like huge, very important questions, and they are. As your baby learns to talk, the asker of the questions shifts to them.

As a preschooler there will be a lot of "why" questions. There will be so many "why" questions, you may deem the word why as a four-letter word. Hang in there; it will soon be joined by "how" questions in the early elementary years. Now your world is full of curiosity. "Why is that flower blue?" is easy enough to answer, whether you explain the science or explain God’s design. "How does that flower grow?" is a little more advanced, but still quite simple in comparison. But then, "Where do babies come from?" echoes from the back seat of your minivan. This may be the first sign that the questions are getting more difficult and maybe more embarrassing.

Many times, these more challenging questions need to be answered through your personal preference. We met a couple when our children were young that believed you explained every answer to a question in very specific and accurate detail. They also believed that you should never raise your voice to a child. So, when their toddler was getting ready to stick their finger into an electrical socket I screamed, "No!" from across the room. Although the child stopped immediately, they also started to cry. The parents then explained that the child had never had anyone raise their voice to them and that what I should have done was calmly explained the process of electrocution to the toddler so that they could make an educated decision on whether or not to put their finger into the socket. This is what I mean by personal preferences. When it comes to the question of where babies come from, every parent has their own idea of how much and what to share depending on the child’s age.

That question was awkward, but they do get much more embarrassing. I remember my friend telling a story about her daughter, in the middle of a crowded grocery store, asking, "Why is that man so big, mommy?" This question borders on humiliating. The child, in their mind, was asking an innocent question. Unfortunately, the child had not learned subtle social graces. There is a reason why older generations were taught "If you can’t say something nice, then don’t say anything at all" and "Do unto others as you would have them do to you" at a very young age.

Don’t lose heart, the questions do get more difficult, but at least your children learn those social graces and ask the questions in private. By the middle school years, the difficult questions might tug at your heart strings more. I remember when one of my children came home in seventh grade and asked, "Do you think Tommy’s family is poor?" When I asked why he thought that, I found out it was because his friend wore the same clothes a couple times in a row. We had a long talk about why that might be, and he asked if he could offer Tommy some of his extra clothes. We talked about a kind, non-embarrassing way to approach his friend that would not put him in an awkward position. The friend was extremely grateful and according to my son wore some of the clothes the very nest day. This was a great question that led to a life lesson in caring for others.

As the years have progressed, the middle school questions have matured to a point of disgust, from the sweet, heart breaking question my first middle schooler asked to the scary, infuriating question my third middle schooler asked. She came home one day and asked, "Mom, did boys when you were young ask for nude pictures?" After I picked my jaw up off the floor, I gave her an emphatic "No!!". We discussed the downfall of society…social media. In my day (boy do I sound like my mom) a boy would have had to call you one the phone or ask you in person and then you would have had to take a picture with real film and then one of you would have had to go to the phot-mat to get it developed and then the worst part is you would have had to pick the pictures up know that the person working the shop had seen them. There is no way any of those steps would have happened. Now a boy "snaps" a girl and she "snaps" a picture and then "snaps" the picture back to him. Then he shows all of his friends and she is mortified. Yup, that is how the conversation went in my house. Followed by a discussion of what kind of boy would ask a girl for those types of pictures.

If you are lucky, your children (usually girls) will wait until high school to ask the worst question. Driving down the highway I heard this usually boisterous voice almost whisper, "Mom, I know you had sex four times because you have four kids, but you don’t do that anymore, right?" I should have known one day it would come up, but it still threw me. I smiled and said, "That’s right, sweetie" and we both laughed an uncomfortable laugh and at that moment I knew my daughter had learned the hard lesson we all have to learn…be careful what you ask, because you may not really want to know the answer.

My only bit of advice is to be ready to answer the questions even if you need to ask for a little time to formulate your answer; remember if you don’t answer their question, they will find someone who doesn’t necessarily have their best interest at heart like you do.

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