Mary Angel

(3/2021) It is an age-old question…is it more difficult to be a stay-at-home mom or a working mom? This really is a very simple question with a simple answer that has been asked by almost every woman I know. We women spend so much time wrestling with this, when the bottom line is that the more difficult career path is to be a working mom…wait…no, it’s being a stay-at-home mom…or did I have it right the first time?

I guess it really isn’t that simple after all. As I was considering this topic, I polled a bunch of women who all chose different paths. The simple answer turned out to be that what ever path they had chosen; they definitely felt the other path was much more challenging. I guess the old adage isn’t true; the grass on the other side of the fence isn’t greener, but more challenging.

The ladies I spoke to who had chosen to go back to work after having children were mostly struck with mommy guilt about returning to the workplace and leaving their children with someone else. This guilt was somewhat alleviated if the caretaker was a relative or close family friend. Many of these women felt their kids were actually in better hands from a sanity standpoint. A few of them mentioned that they felt they could be so much more attentive and compassionate when they left the house for a while. As a mom who has made both of these choices at different times in her life, I really do understand this. There were definitely days when I was overwhelmed being a stay-at-home mom and the bottom line was that I needed a break. Sometimes, moms in both of these worlds forget that it is important and acceptable to ask for help and take a break for themselves. If you don’t recharge your battery, pretty soon it will be empty and you won’t have anything left to give the ones you so desperately want to care for.

The ladies who chose to stay at home with their kids can be a little crazier. Wait a minute; don’t start sending me letters asking me why I would say that. I have had a lot of friends over the years who have been stay-at-home moms and they all have to have a little crazy in them to deal with the day in and day out bumps in the road of being home with kids all day. I am not pointing a finger, but on the contrary, I am handing out verbal awards for embracing the crazy. You have to admit, that spending every waking minute with small children is a roller coaster ride of epic proportions. Not only that, but it is a ride you have never been on before (even if this is not your first child).

I know after my first child, I thought I had it all figured out and then with each consecutive one there were new challenges. Being a stay-at-home mom doesn’t mean that you avoid the mommy guilt, it just means it is pointed in a different direction. With this life choice, the guilt comes when you realize you are no longer contributing to the family budget. For some of my mom friends, they planned ahead and were prepared for the single income challenges. For others, they didn’t even give this a thought and had grand dreams of all of the outings and field trips they were take their kids on, until they realized it wasn’t in the budget.

The key to which one of these choices is the correct choice really is a simple thing. The key is to discuss the pluses and minuses with your spouse and make an educated team decision. For some of you, there is no doubt that you and your whole family will be much happier if you are able to leave the house for work (even if it is just for a few hours each day). For others, the thought of leaving your child with anyone other than yourself is gut-wrenching. With both of these decisions will come an adjustment period.

The adjustment for those of you who return to work will most likely be tears when you hand your baby off to even the most qualified caretaker and these tears may last for a few weeks or more. There is also the fact that you have been off work on maternity leave for 6 – 8 weeks. As time passes, you will settle into your new role as a working mom and you will rock it. This was the right decision for you.

For the other group of ladies who decide to jump into the stay-at-mom world with both feet, you might have second thoughts now and again. You might also have tears over your decision and a feeling of loneliness as you get used to not being around adults during your normal work day. You will meet other moms in your stage of life (maybe at preschool or play groups) and they will be your support team. Remember to take some time off, whether it is time when the smalls are sleeping or girl’s night out or a date with your hubby while the grandparents get some grandbaby time.

Now, I think you probably realize how simple this decision really is. The answer is to do what is best for you and your family. Another key to this decision is realizing it is temporary. You may decide to go back to work when the kids start school or you may decide to leave the workforce in a few years and homeschool…you never know. There is a lot of life ahead of you and the sky’s the limit! This decision is a small start to a wonderful lifetime of love and the best news is that there is no wrong choice!

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