Mary Angel

(11/2021) Have you ever heard the phrase, "It takes a village to raise a child"? For those of you who haven’t heard this phrase, it simply means that it is important to have help raising a child. This could be family, friends, a church, or any group that supports you in your efforts to raise your children. When did I learn it takes a village to raise a child? Actually I learned that from the word "go." Then, every time I forget it, something happens to remind me.

When I gave birth to my first child it was a tough go for all three of us. I was going through my first delivery of a baby that I would soon find out was built like Charlie Brown (picture a large head and a small body). My husband was watching me in a lot of pain and our first baby struggling to come into the world. Last, but certainly not least, was our big-headed son trying not to come into the world while the doctors tried everything in their power to convince him to appear. When it was finally over I ended up with a beautiful baby boy and nerve damage in my leg. This meant that unless I locked my knee when I stood, I would quickly end up on the floor.

When we were getting ready to leave the hospital, both the Grandmas offered to come stay with us while we learned to be parents for the first time. My husband graciously declined, then on the car ride home he explained how ridiculous the offer was to him. He was actually almost arrogant as he questioned how difficult it could really be to take care of a newborn that doesn’t move from the spot you sit him. At two in the morning our little bundle of joy let out with a cry that led us to believe he was in pain; we soon discovered that new born babies over-exaggerate their desire to be fed. While my husband went to the bathroom, I got the baby to feed him. Unfortunately, someone who is new to nerve damage apparently forgets they have that problem when they are suddenly awakened at 2 in the morning. As I got the baby from the bassinet and turned to walk to the bed, I fell to the floor with a loud bang. My husband came running, but he couldn’t see us because I had fallen on the far side of the bed. I immediately responded to his screams of, "where are you" with my hysterical response of, "The baby is fine and we are over here!"

After he got us both back in bed, he questioned, "What the hell was the hospital thinking letting us bring this baby home?" and "What were we thinking?" First thing in the morning, he called both moms and explained what had happened. He set up a schedule so that we were not alone any evenings for the next few weeks. I was also forbidden from standing, walking, or anything else, except sitting with the baby. We thought caring for a newborn would mean a little less sleep, but we soon discovered that teamwork makes the dream work (a nod to my girls).

Throughout their young years, as I kept having child after child after child, and my husband started to travel for work, I once again realized that child rearing didn’t have to be a solo concert. Four children age eight and under, and I was alone frequently. This is when I discovered the joy of having other moms to do life with. Having other moms who have got your back can give you support when you need it, empathy when you are struggling, and a cheer squad when you have a triumph. Without my mom squad (yes, my kids hate when I say this) I am not sure I would have made it through all of the ups and downs.

As my kids grow up the village grows and changes. At the beginning my village was simply my husband and then the grandparents and I couldn’t have survived without them. Then, my village grew to include preschool moms. When my kids hit their teenage years I still had the grandparents and the preschool moms, but I added some teachers and a new best friend.

The reasons I needed support were different, but somehow the same. When the kids were little, sometimes I just needed a girls’ night out with some adult conversation. There were also many times when what I needed from my village was advice. How to get the kids to do their homework, to helping them with a homework problem, to relationship issues; these were just a few of the school aged issues that my village guided me through. Other times, the village was there to support the kids, not me. As blessed as I am that my kids talk to me about almost everything, sometimes they just needed to get another perspective. They would often say, "You have to say I am smart or pretty or funny, you’re my mom". Whenever they questioned my bias they knew they had a "village" to turn to for an unbiased evaluation. They also knew that there was a "village" if they simply needed more help than their mom could give them with their homework.

Whether you just need friends and family to give you a night out and adult conversation, or advice on how to parent a teenage girl, make sure you have a village to support you. Also, remember that a village can take any form; friends, family, teachers, pastor, youth leader, bible study group, co-workers, even my dog when the kids are in bed and my husband is at work and I just need someone to talk to. Don’t forget to thank your village!

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