Mary Angel
(10/2021) Any time you do something over and over again, you build skills and confidence and knowledge on that particular subject, right? When you are in math class you practice your basic facts so when you get to high school you can complete algebra problems with both speed and accuracy. That is how the world works. My mom always said practice makes perfect. So, now that I have my fourth child in high school, I am totally prepared for this.
It turns out that all kids are individuals and therefore, I was slightly less prepared than I anticipated. This was my baby, the youngest of my children, my very last high schooler. This cannot be real. I am not worried, though, because I have done this with three other children. Three other times it was the first day of high school. The difference this time is that it was my last one to have a first day of high school. The other difference is that my other daughter was having her very last first day of school ever!
When the boys were little I loved the first day of school, the pictures, the smiles, the excitement, and the little tiny book bags. Not that I didn’t cry with each of their first days of school, but they were wonderful milestones. When they had their first day of middle school it was a little different story, more like an after-school special. I dreaded it. There were no more sweet faces with cute smiles and no tiny book bags. There were only teenage hormones and a lot of, "Mom, don’t hug me in public," and "Don’t embarrass me." My oldest daughter’s first day of middle school involved more nerves and just as much, "Don’t hug me in public!"
High school started for my boys with a lot of excitement and some nerves. For the most part they started off with a bang and had a great high school run. My oldest daughter had a bit of a rockier start. She struggled to fit in and often times attracted people who had less than her best interest at heart. If you have ever seen the 1956 version of The Bad Seed then you have an idea of the type of friends my daughter would attract. No matter how many times I would suggest that she stick with the friends she had made already, she would insist this new friend was just misunderstood. Her freshman year was a rocky road. My last baby starting high school was unique from all the rest.
This is the one child who would have been completely content homeschooling all through high school. She is my most introverted child, and I am finding out that she might be my most anxious. That meant that her first day of school was wrought with a whole mess of tears. She cried before she left and she cried at bedtime and begged me not to send her back. She was upset me for so many things, not the least of which was that she didn’t think she would miss me as much as she did. I loved homeschooling, but I suppose this is one downfall of spending all of that time together. Not the most positive first day of school.
Needless to say, my vision of smiles, and joy, and birds chirping a happy little song, didn’t quite come to fruition. The second day wasn’t any better, maybe even worse. It still ended with tears and multiple requests to be homeschooled again, but this time she gave me other options in the midst of the shower of tears. If I couldn’t homeschool her, could my best friend possibly homeschool her, or if not maybe she could just drop out. I thanked her for putting so much thought into her problem and giving me so many solutions to choose from. Then I made it clear that none of the options were actually possible, especially not dropping out of school.
After a few more days things started to improve a little bit. She didn’t cry as much or as hard. Unfortunately there were the dreaded weekends. Every Monday seemed to be a starting over point. Then she got a cold, yes, just a cold. I know this because I had her COVID-19 tested to protect my parents and everyone we encounter. She did, however, miss a couple days of school because she was pretty miserable. Those days were a Monday and a Tuesday, which made going back on Wednesday worse than returning to work after 9 days off for the ultimate Disney Trip. The bottom line was that we were starting over and she was once again looking for ways to escape the impending torture she was foreseeing.
Tuesday night we had dinner, just the two of us, and talked about all the positives she had experienced so far in school. We talked about what she was worried about and what assignments she was stressing over. After she finished some make-up work, we turned on a funny, sweet movie (Storks) and just chilled. We laughed and joked and just spent time enjoying one another’s company. She went to bed in a much better place than she was earlier. I knew the morning would still be rough, but right before she headed to her room I heard her ask her sister to make her go to school and not let her get out of it. At the last minute she added, "Unless I am throwing up or something." I think this is a good sign that she will be okay.
I don’t know why I fall into this false sense of security with the fourth child that I know what I am doing. I haven’t known what I am doing with any of my kids, so why would it change now? Luckily I have my kids to remind me that life is oftentimes an opportunity to just wing it and fly by the seat of your pants!
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