Mary Angel

(8/2021) The other day, my mom and I got into a conversation about work ethic and kids. This led to a whole other conversation that started with my mom saying, "In my day…" The whole thing started my little gray cells thinking about my kids and their friends and their work ethic. All of these questions started swirling around in my head. Had we raised our kids with a good work ethic? Had we even spoken to them about what a work ethic should look like? Why do some of their friends seem to have a less than acceptable work ethic? Is this going to turn into another "anti-technology" article?

As you all know we have four kids and they are all very different, and the topic of work ethic is no different. I don’t mean to imply that any of them have a bad work ethic, but it does depend on the work you are talking about. Let’s face facts, most kids have "those" chores that they would avoid if they could. Which chores fall into "those" categories would depend on which child and at what stage in life they are. For example my second son couldn’t stand brushing the pool when he was younger. Now that he is older, and I suspect taller, he would take brushing the pool over scrubbing a bathroom any day. Helping me purge the junk in the storage room would be at the bottom of all of their lists and doing the dishes would only be at the top of the youngest list. However, chores are not the work ethic I am referring to.

My kids can avoid or whine about chores at home and then shine like rock stars at someone else’s house. This holds true of a real job as well. When my oldest got his first job at the local grocery store, my husband and I would hear how wonderful he was every time we went shopping. His coworkers, manager, and other shoppers would say how helpful and polite he was. Now he works in a warehouse full-time and the same is true, nothing but complements. I don’t ever recall talking to him about a "good work ethic". We have always encouraged our kids to put 110% into whatever they decide to do, but never work ethic specifically. Our kids know that whether they chose to go to college or learn a trade, they needed to do the best job they could at their chosen career.

We also raised them to always say "yes ma’am" and "yes sir" and to give at least two weeks’ notice if you are going to leave a job. We felt these were pretty basic teachings. Although I had been a stay-at-home mom for the past 20 years (until recently), my husband has always been a very loyal hard worker. The only job he was ever let go of was for being "too honest". Maybe there is something to be said for teaching by example. They have all made it clear that chores are one thing, but getting paid to do a job outside the house is a completely different story.

My confusion comes when I see some of their friends (or hear stories about them) throwing little temper-tantrums at work because they don’t like doing something they were asked to do. I am also dumbfounded when they complain that some they work with are making more money than they when they have only been there less than a year and the employee they are complaining about has been there for 20 years. Or when they are a twenty something and not in school and working a part-time job at most. My favorite is when they are not working at all and tell us they are waiting for the right job to come along, all while spending the majority of their day online gaming.

I realize I am starting to sound like my parents but that isn’t going to stop here. Maybe this is not just about their work ethic. Maybe it is about the younger generations being too focused on life being fair (which I have explained ad nauseum that it is not) or being entitled. I am sure my parents said similar quotes about my generation. I know I did not let my kids fail enough, or encourage them to try things I thought would end in failure. I also know they learned from every failure they had. I also know many kids who could have benefited from being made to do a little more hard work when they were growing up. I believe that hard, laborious jobs and even messy, disgusting jobs can develop a wonderful work ethic. How many of us country parents remember digging fence post holes in the heat of the summer, helping a neighbor bale hay, or even weeding the family garden that happened to be over a half acre in size. Hard work, after all, is what this country was built on (now I am really starting to sound like my parents).

Part of the problem is obviously us as parents. It could be the lack of letting them fail, not teaching them what a work ethic is, or even making them too comfortable. I used to joke that all of my babies were induced because they were too comfortable where they were. There is some truth in that with regard to young adults. If we make their lives too comfortable and don’t require them to contribute to the house they are living in, then why would they want to change and move forward? I love my children dearly, but my job is to raise them to be wonderful, hardworking, respectful adults who will one day move out of my house and be independent. So, give your children chores, let them fail (and give them a big hug), make them work hard for you or someone you know, and teach them that this world hasn’t been waiting for them to be born, but instead looks forward to seeing their amazing contributions to making it a better place to live.

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