Mary Angel

(8/2023) The other day I watched my nineteen-year-old daughter say to my dad, "LOL, Poppop". To which he proceeded to laugh out loud. Then she burst out laughing herself. At that moment, she started motioning to her siblings and her father and I to look at what she could do. Then she encouraged her Poppop to laugh out loud over and over again with her LOL prompt. That was when I realized that without realizing it my girls had taught my dad (Mr. Flip-phone) texting lingo. We are talking about the man whose picture is in the dictionary next to the phrase you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. He doesn’t like change and often finds it completely unnecessary. The truth is the kids have taught us all something over the years.

First and foremost, would be to lose any modesty we might have. How many times have you heard a child say something completely embarrassing while in a grocery store. I have seen many a mortified parent when their small child asks why someone has "funny colored hair" or make note very loudly of a handicap, or tattoo, or weight issue. You name it and our children are going to notice it and announce it. It is all part of the learning process to notice people who are different from you. In this process I have also learned how to maintain my composure when my toddler is pointing and asking whatever question pops into their little head.

I have also learned from my kids, as they innocently ask about someone different, is that noticing and acknowledging a difference is not a problem when it is done out of curiosity and the desire to understand and not out of malice. People often make reference to the innocence of babes, and it is that innocence that I hope my kids can hold onto all their lives.

Next, they taught me how to love myself for who I am, while still acknowledging there is always room for improvement. My sixteen-year-old daughter has struggled with her weight since she was a small child, and she has certainly gone through some roller coaster emotions because of it. When she was in elementary school, she started seeing a pediatric endocrinologist to make sure there weren’t any more severe underlying causes to her weight gain. No matter what she ate or how active she was she would gain weight.

That continues today. She has to have blood work done every six months to a year, just to keep track of certain levels. Through all of this, she has grown to love herself in spite of her weight. She has chosen to focus on her beautiful hair and skin tone and gorgeous blue eye. Sometimes when she has to try on clothes she jumps back on that emotional roller coaster, but she also gets off as quick as possible. Now when she talks about losing weight it is not because of the way she looks, it is because she wants to be healthier inside and out. The older I get the more I struggle with some of the same things, and I am blown away by her positive attitude toward a healthy lifestyle and knowing that her weight is not what defines her.

When my now 24-year-old son was in 5th grade his soccer team was in the playoffs and it was down to two teams. Although he has never been very athletic, he played his heart out and even scored a goal. Eventually the game went into overtime and the players on both teams were obviously exhausted. By the end of the game our team lost by one goal. My son couldn’t have been any happier to have made it all the way to the playoffs and come so close to winning. He was congratulating the players on the other team and on ours for having played such an amazing final game of the season. Suddenly he stopped to take a breath and realized that many members of his team were either crying or mad that they had not won the game. He asked me why everyone was so upset and, "Don’t they realize how amazing this is and how far we came?" I was so proud of his attitude and sportsmanship I was beaming. Even now, about 14 years later, I remember his positivity when I am having a bad day and try to emulate that in my own life.

Lastly, when my second son was little, he used to be a crack-up. He still is, as a matter of fact. He could make just about anyone laugh, no matter how bad their day, or what they were going through. He would tell the corniest jokes that made no sense, but you couldn’t help but laugh. My father-in-law was victim to his humor almost every time they would come to the house. Now that he has passed away, I look back at pictures of him belly laughing at my son’s antics.

Even when he was going through chemo and experimental drug treatments for his renal cell carcinoma he was still laughing because of a goofy little boy. Whether he was quoting SpongeBob, making funny faces, or cracking some joke that made no sense at all, he was always making someone laugh. I have watched him over the years cheer people up, make people smile and laugh, and on the rare occasion even bring them to tears. I guess what he has taught me is that difficulties can always be made better with a smile or a laugh. Also, not to take myself or life so seriously. This last one I need constant reminding of!

As most parents would agree my children have certainly taught me patience, but that hasn’t been as easy or as enjoyable as the rest of the lessons I mentioned. They have also taught me to bite my tongue as they have gotten older. After all, they need to figure things out on their own and sometimes they just need me to listen. Once again, this hasn’t been an easy lesson to learn.

My mom loves to tell everyone that I taught her to hug. Apparently, she was not a very touchy-feely person when I was born, but I loved to hug and be close to her. She will say I forced her to be more loving. I am not sure, by her tone, that she viewed that as a good thing. My kids would say they are glad I forced her into a world of hugging those you love, and they have certainly carried on my hugging crusade with their Meme.

I hope you all take some time to reminisce about what you have learned from your children. Whether it is emotional or practical, like how to work your smart phone or computer (God knows they are way better at technology than us) I think you will be surprised how much a child can impact and change our perspective on the world we live in. Enjoy the crazy ride of parenthood…LOL!

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