Mary Angel
(3/2023) Friends, there has been a television show, books, poems, and songs all written about them. They are someone that everyone has at least one "best" one. It has been morphed into a frenemy when you have a friend that is more of an enemy. This is a universal idea that everyone needs, especially moms. I bet you thought I was going to say kids!
As moms, we don’t always realize the importance of a support network. Our friends are that network. There was a scene in the television show Desperate Housewives where one of the main characters had an emotional breakdown at a playground. In the scene all of her mom-friends showed up at the playground to lift her up in her lowest time. How many of us have never had "one of those days"? Okay, maybe you haven’t ended up crying under the swings at the local playground, but that is television. Maybe your bad day involved the kids misbehaving at every turn, or you had a coworker who was degrading you, or it was a little bit of everything, no matter the cause you feel like you are at your wits end. This is when you need your very own posse (my daughter is cringing that I used this word). Better yet, you need a Mosse (a mom posse)!
Your mosse can get you through the good, the bad, and the ugly. If you are having the best day ever, who are you going to call? Your friends aren’t just there for the bad days. When I have a great day, right after I tell my husband all about it, I am quickly ringing up my bestie. Obviously I call her when I am sad, mad, and frustrated, but, I can’t stress this enough, I can’t forget to include her in the good times. Often we call our friends when we need support and we neglect to call them when things are going well, or even just okay. This can lead to problems. If all they ever hear is you complain about your husband, or work, or family, then from their perspective, you are married to a horribly man, or at a dead end job, or have the worst family ever. They are only getting one side of the story. So, be sure to share the happy as well.
The "ugly" is when your day has caused the mascara to run. You had a less than proud mommy moment, and ended up in tears over your "epic failure" (which it wasn’t really). You found out that your favorite aunt passed away and haven’t stopped crying since lunchtime. Or maybe your "ugly" is because you suddenly realized your house is one yard sale find away from qualifying for a special edition of Hoarders the television show. It doesn’t matter what has caused the "ugly" on any given day, what matters is having that support team, or mosse, to be by your side.
My best friend and I often joke about being Thelma and Louise. I know no matter what I can call her and she will be there for me. At the beginning of the pandemic my family got COVID and it rolled through the house like a wave. She showed up and left meals and baked treats on our doorstep multiple times. Not only that, but she called me daily. Her phone calls were something I looked forward to every day. It was the glue that kept me together and prevented me from going stir crazy. If I am having a bad day we discuss all kinds of movie inspired, devilish ways to make things better. We always end up laughing and everything seems just a little brighter.
Conversely, make sure you are a support member of someone else’s mosse. An amazing thing happens when you are available and supportive of your friends. You will be amazed how great you feel when you help another person. You will also be up for mom of the year, when your kids see you doing good for another person. After all, kids learn just as much, if not more, by example than they do by us speaking at them. As moms, when we are supportive of our friends, we are learning and growing. I can’t tell you how many times I have been helping a friend, when I learned a new way to parent or handle a difficult situation. Not only are we supporting one another, but we are learning from one another.
When my bestie’s in-laws passed away, she alone was tasked with cleaning their house and get it ready for sale. Between her mother and me we tried to help her donate, trash, and clean out everything. I didn’t hesitate to jump in the car and head to West Virginia to jump in, armed with my favorite cleaning supplies. This didn’t seem like a big deal to me, but for her (as she was already overwhelmed) it meant the world. My point here is even when you don’t think you are making a difference, or being all that supportive, you might just be someone’s saving grace.
All of this leads me to the importance of this behavior is not only for you and your friend, but for your children. As I stated earlier they will learn by your example to be supportive of their friends and other people they may encounter in their lives, but there is more to it. They are also, subconsciously seeing what a good friend is. How many of us have had a friend in our child’s lives that we didn’t feel were the best influence. Or maybe they have a friend that doesn’t always treat them the best, you know their frenemy. Our kids are always learning from us, whether they like it or not. Showing them by example what a good, healthy relationship looks like, whether friend or romance, is an important role we play as a parent. Heaven knows they will come across more than their fair share of unhealthy relationships in their lives.
So no matter how many friends you have, or how long you have been friends, or how you met, simply have that group that will be there for you and that you will be there for. Always remember the sign of a good friend is whether she will hold your hand while driving off a cliff in a ’66 Thunderbird with you!
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