Mary Angel
(3/2024) How many times as a mom do we think, "I’ve got this"? I have given birth, so I know what to expect. I was a teenager once, so I can handle that. Help the kids with homework, no problem! There are so many opportunities to be confident in your knowledge or experience, and many of those are warranted. Sometimes, however, life can throw you a curve ball.
I have given birth four times and all four were very different. Although I have never gone into labor, there are very few other similarities between the four deliveries. The first was long, and difficult. The second was my largest and easiest, but still long. My third pregnancy was so short, my husband almost left the hospital. Afterall, the first two took over twelve hours. So, when 2:00 rolled around he said he was going to grab some lunch (which is what the doctor always told him to do about that time).
The difference, when he told the doctor where he was going, she said, "I think I would stick around". My fourth pregnancy was, possibly, my most difficult. It was my longest delivery and most painful, partially because my nurse didn’t believe in epidurals and turned mine off! Talk about things you couldn’t predict or plan for. Although I did give birth in the same hospital, the labor and delivery department had been remodeled between each delivery.
My husband and I are very different people, I am an introvert, and he is an extrovert in every sense of the words. He would have people over every night of the week, and I would curl up on the couch while he was doing that. He will talk to every stranger that walks by, while I wait in the car. The good news is that he reassured me that he was your "typical" teenager and would know if our kids were partying or doing drugs or other worrisome activities. Famous last words.
It was because of this reassurance that I kept having children, that and the fact that I loved babies. Then we entered the teenage years. This is when we found out that times had changed. There was so much more than drinking and drugs that we need to look out for in these modern times. Bullying, social media, and depression have topped the list of things to worry about with our teenagers. I know I have beaten this topic to death, but parents beware of social media for your kids.
If I haven’t mentioned it, I didn’t date in high school, where as my husband was prom king. This gave us diverse experiences when it came to dating and high school social life. So far, all of my kids except my youngest have dated in high school. What I didn’t count on was how much my heart for my kids would break when they were hurting. Two were dumped for being "too nice", one had a long-distance relationship, one was in an abusive relationship (which definitely brought out the mama bear in me), all three were heartbroken more than once. I was not prepared for that. When they were growing up I knew that I hurt for them, but as teenagers it was a more emotional hurt. This mom wants her children to fall in love, get married, and have a family. Every time they get their hearts broken, I know it shapes and molds them, but each time I hope it is the last and they will find a forever love.
Don’t even get me started about school. Well, to begin with let’s talk about homework. I was an excellent student, so my confidence in helping my kids with school was pretty high. Then I was introduced to Common Core Curriculum. The school boards secret plan to keep kids in public school and make parents feel inadequate and stupid. There are many other changes that proceeded to knock my confidence down a notch or two. Every year my kids were in high school they changed the graduation requirements. What standardized tests count for which graduating class, and which don’t? It also turns out that when the administration changes at a school, so do the expectations and rules.
My latest example of thinking I knew what to expect was when my youngest was about to get her wisdom teeth out. My oldest had his out a few years back, so my confidence in this situation was even greater than it was concerning school. She would be a little nervous before, a little loopy after, and very sore for about 2 days, and by Monday she would be ready for school. Once again, I misjudged the situation, maybe because she was younger than he was, maybe because she is the baby, or maybe it is once again the difference between my sons and daughters.
A few nights before the surgery, she was apprehensive and having trouble going to sleep. She was doing okay the morning of, but when we arrived at the doctor’s office she couldn’t stop talking. This was all expected, but then it was time to go back for the surgery. She got a little panicky, but went back, got in the seat, and then let them put the oxygen on her nose. The problem came when they said, "Mom, it’s time to go to the waiting room." My daughter flipped out! She immediately started crying and begging me not to leave her. By the time I took the 10 steps to the lobby, I was in tears.
Never in my life, as a mother, have I been so heartbroken by the fear of one of my children. The surgery went just as fast as her brother’s. When she was in recovery, she was silly and lovey. She kept telling me how much she loved me and how I was her favorite, then she would immediately turn to the nurse in the room and say, "You’re great, but she’s my mommy". It was priceless.
On the way home she wanted to talk about Disney, but was very coherent, unlike her brother. His drive home involved a lengthy conversation about the J.F.K. assassination. Once home his recovery was a fairly basic textbook recovery. My baby girl ended up with swelling that wouldn’t allow her jaw to open less than a half inch, and although the prescription pain medicine didn’t relieve any of her pain, it did cause some very miserable side effects. Once she started feeling a little better, she admitted the recovery was still better than the flu or the stomach bug. So at least she could be a positive.
I keep telling myself not to be caught off guard, but then I am surprised all over again. "Expect the unexpected" is easy to say, but not so easy to do. I guess the best I can hope for is to roll with what ever comes along.
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