Holding down the home front

Dolores Hans
MSMU class of 2025

(11/2024) Where graceful adaptability and loyalty meet the inevitability of despondency and tribulation is a woman. This woman has looked into the future and without fear has consented to its unpredictable nature. You may ask why a woman would make this choice, and to this question I respond: love. And what is a woman if not love? In the name of this love, this woman has decided to live a life that faces nothing less than the most extreme ebbs and flows that can be offered in this world. Love is a communion, an unbreakable bond, expressed through self-sacrifice, understanding, and affection. How is love sustainable when there are thousands of miles between the two, or when every good moment can be interrupted by one being called away to face danger. This is the life of a veteran’s wife.

"As a girl I always planned what my marriage would look like. Beginning and ending our day together, taking the kids to church, being able to count on my husband's presence each day. When I met [my husband] those plans were uprooted and new plans had to be made. But I wouldn’t want it any different because sharing a love with him makes it all worth it".

There is a weight that comes with having a husband who has served, and therefore could serve again, that impacts every aspect of your being. Physically, being alone for an extended period of time, and knowing that the possibility of going through pregnancy or raising a child mostly without that constant presence of a partner can be daunting. Emotionally, it is often up to the wife to support her husband’s mental health and social wellbeing. Being a rock for someone else takes a toll on your own psychological health.

"I often have to prompt him to share his feelings with me, as he is not used to someone else being dependent on his state of mind as a wife is to her husband".

Being a military wife is having a lot of stuff thrown at you and having to just take it. There is no other option. Every family struggles in some type of way. Great or small, no trial can be overlooked. One of the struggles that takes place is the unpredictability of it all. Deployments, trainings, random jobs and duties, all remove your spouse from your reach.

"When we were dating, he would be away for maybe one to two weeks of each month, or sometimes even longer. I remember my friends thinking it was adorable when they saw me writing letters to him, how romantic and movie-like it was. But it wasn’t like it is in the movies. It is a lot of hardship."

The hardest part of being the wife of a soldier is the goodbyes. Sometimes they were long and sad, and sometimes they were so quick that it wasn’t even fully processed. You really learn to cherish your spouse and take advantage of time. It is the memories that keep you going. In the average marriage, there are many certainties. Falling asleep in the same bed, sharing meals together, going on dates and adventures, celebrating anniversaries and birthdays and holidays, and communication. When you have a husband in the military, quite often you fall asleep alone, eat alone or experience the struggle of preparing and cleaning a meal with no support, you miss out on certain events because you don’t want to attend without your spouse, and so many special days are left uncelebrated. There are no certainties except that hope and faith are important, and there are no expectations except the unexpected.

"All of these struggles take a toll, but there is no better feeling in the world than when he returned home to me and we embraced like we were able to breathe again, and I became whole again."

While our veterans have sacrificed so much for us, let’s not forget those who have sacrificed as well to support them and give them a life worthy of coming home to. Those who serve dream of home, and those who love them dream of their home coming back to them.

"My dad was my hero when I was young because he served in the army for quite some time. But now that I am older, and I am a military wife, my mom is my hero. She saved my childhood, she saved my home, and she saved my dad. And I will never forget that."

This month, take the time to honor the veterans you know, and in the same breath, honor their wives. The ones who hold down the home front. The ones who give their husbands something worth fighting for. The ones whose goodness keep them going and keeps them in comfort as they face the terror of war. The ones who hold them when they return, provide them with a feeling of safety, allow them to really live as opposed to just surviving. Veterans’ wives are advocates. Veterans' wives are nurturers. Veterans’ wives are soldiers fighting a battle to make the most of a life that is working against them, and going it with their hearts wide open.