Summer of Bad News…

Samantha Strub

(Sept, 2010) If you asked me in June, if I was excited for summer, I would have told you no. Why I wasn’t excited for those endless summer nights chilling with friends and relaxing on the beach is quite simple really. I wasn’t going to have a summer like that. My summer would be spent trying to find a job to pay the constant flow of bills that always seemed to be floating my way. The job that I had last summer before I went to college went to school, was suppost to be the way I was going to be able to pay for all these endless bills. That however fell through due to the company reorganizing.

Now I was stuck, I was coming back to Wisconsin needing to find a job ASAP. Looking for a good paying job in today’s economy was an impossible and stressful task. Nothing was going right as I got back home from college, even the simple task of finding a job was impossible. The summer of bad news started, with no money, no job, and no way out of the house because I didn’t have a good enough reason. It was getting harder and harder to just leave the house without countless questions being asked about where I was going. Luckily I had the barn to escape to, but very soon that turned into the most devastating news of all.

A couple of weeks after I got back from college, I began having problems with my beloved Sona girl. She had come up lame, and thinking that it was just a twisted ankle and just needed rest and time off in order to heal, I gave her just that. Almost a month went by before I realized that something was seriously wrong with my horse and we needed to take action immediately. A month and a half and $900 later, I’m faced with the only choice of selling my best friend and the most important thing in the world to me.

This was the hardest thing I have ever had to do, and even though I should be excited to be going back to college, and other good things that happened this summer. The only thing I can think about as I sit here packing for college and long list of goodbyes to friends, is Sona. Countless questions keep spinning around in my head, the most important one being if it was worth it? My first and gut reaction is hands down yes without a doubt! I would never trade the two beloved years that I had with Sona. She is my best friend and always will be. She understood me better than anyone. Somehow she knew just what I needed when I needed it.

The part that I can’t seem to figure out is why? Why would Sona get hurt now? Why only having her for two years? If I could only have had her for two years, why did I buy her and spend countless of dollars that could have went to college. How after spending all this money that I didn’t have on her in order to cure her severe active arthritis, does nothing work out. The amount of drugs that we gave her should have cured the arthritis, in most horses that is. Of course my horse has to be the one of the worst cases. My horse is too young to have severe active arthritis that only makes her good for walking and as an amazing companion horse. I should still be barrel racing, jumping, and galloping around the pasture with the wind in my face. Selling my best friend and companion was not written in the cards for this summer. Though being the broke college student I’m I can’t afford a horse that I can’t improve my riding with and my parents wouldn’t help pay for her if Sona had active arthritis. So I had no choice…

My best friend is now is someone else’s hands. I’m not there to wish her good morning, feed her, groom her, ride her, and have a good cry into her mane. She isn’t there for me as my shoulder to cry on, and I’m not there for her. As I promised I would always be there for her to always take care of her. She stayed true to her promise, while I however broke that promise as soon as I shook the guys hand and received the check that took away the most important thing in the world to me. I broke that promise that I made to my best friend and now I have to somehow find a way to move on…

I realized just how much of my life was devoted to that horse until I no longer had her. It’s so weird not to constantly be at the barn, where I normally I am with very free moment. In fact I didn’t go to the barn or look at any of Sona’s stuff for about two weeks after I sold her. I just couldn’t bear to look at anything that reminded me of her. It was hard enough that she was always at the back of my mind. When people say that it was a good thing that I sold her then tell me that it was the best decision and I shouldn’t have even bought her in the first place; I almost break down sobbing. She was the best thing that has ever happened to me and no matter how much richer I would be, or other experiences that I would have had I would change a thing. They say that, "Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take but by the moments that take your breath away." Sona did that to me every time I saw her and now I only have the memories and her spirit to remember her by I know that Sona has changed my life in countless ways and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

The struggles make you stronger and the changes make you wise and happiness has its way of taking its sweet time. This is something that I have really learned this summer, through all the hardships that happened through this summer of bad news, good things happened too. I have kept up close friendships and even discovered that I could open my heart and let someone in. Everything happens for a reason and maybe I don’t know the reason for having to let go to Sona but there has got to be one. It will be hard to go back to the Mount without my best friend and there will be countless times when I will desperately wish she was there.

Even still I will still be able to ride and that is the most important thing. Who knows maybe someday I’ll get her back. It’s a long shot but it could still happen. Now it’s time to stop dwelling on the summer and start looking ahead to college and finishing up packing. Who knew that I had so many clothes and everything has to fit into my Honda accord! I know I have said this before but packing for a year is really difficult. As I sit here packing up everything, I realize how excited I’m to go back to school. Life there is so much different from life at home and I welcome the change of pace. Are you ready to tackle another year with me?

Read past editions of Samantha Strub's Four Years at the Mount