Submitted by Bob, Cincinnati, Oh.
 

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. . . After drinking several glasses of iced tea, he asked Bill Clinton if he could use his personal bathroom.

He was astonished to see that the President had a solid gold urinal. That afternoon, Al told his wife, Tipper, about the urinal. "Just think," he said," when I am President, I'll get to have a gold urinal!"

Later, when Tipper had lunch with Hillary at a Democratic fund raiser, she told Hillary how impressed Al had been with his discovery of the fact that, in the President's private bathroom, the President had a gold urinal.

That evening, Bill and Hillary were getting ready for bed. Hillary turned to Bill and said, "Well, I found out who peed in your saxophone."

Submitted by Patty, Leasburg, Va,
  

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. . . She's dragging a wet rabbit on a leash. The rabbit does NOT want to be there. "Sit, Fluffy," she says.  Fluffy glares at her, and sopping wet, jumps up on another customer's lap, getting water all over him.

"I said SIT, now there's a good Fluffy," says the woman, slightly embarrassed. Fluffy, wet already, squats in the middle of the room and pees.

The woman, mortally embarrassed, shouts, "Goddamn it Fluffy, will you be good?!" Fluffy then starts a fight with a Doberman and pursues it out of the office. As the woman leaves to go after it, she turns to the rest of the flabbergasted customers and says:

"Pardon me, I've just washed my hare, and can't do a thing with it!"
 

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• I saw a lady at work today putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. I inquired as to what she was doing and she said she was shopping on the Internet, and they asked for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy".
   
• I worked with an individual who plugged their power strip back into itself and for the life of them could not understand why their computer would not turn on.
   
• 1st Person: "Do you know anything about this fax machine?" 
   
  2nd Person: "A little. What's wrong?" 1st Person: "Well, I sent a fax, and the recipient called back to say all she received was a cover sheet and a blank page. I tried it again, and the same thing happened." 
   
  2nd Person: "How did you load the sheet?"
   
  1st Person: "It's a pretty sensitive memo, and I didn't want anyone else to read it by accident, so I folded it so only the recipient would open it and read it."
   
• I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery in this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery for this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?" I asked. "No, just the remote 'thingy,'" she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries...it's a long walk."
     
• Tech Support: "What does the screen say now.."
  User: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."
  Tech Support: "Well?"
  User: "How do I know when it's ready?"
    
• Several years ago we had an intern who was none too swift. One day he was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. "What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," she told him. With that, the intern took his last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five blank copies.
    
• One of our servers crashed. I was watching our new system Administrator trying to restore it. He inserted a CD and needed to type a path name to a directory named "i386." He started to type it and paused, asking me "Where's the key for that line thing?" I asked what he was talking about. He said, "You know, that one that looks like an upside down exclamation mark." I replied, "You mean the letter "i"?" And he said, "Yeah, that's it!"
   
• I was in a car dealership a while ago when a large new motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister." I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the cruise control, then went in back to make a sandwich.
   
• Unlocking The Car Door - When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told that the keys had been accidentally locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger's side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered it was open. "Hey," I announced to the Technician, "It's open!" "I know," answered the young man "I already got that side."

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A lad goes into a pub and sits himself down at the bar. Who does is see sitting next 'im but Vincent van Go, the famous 19 century French impressionist painter. "Vincent" says the lad, "can I buy you a pint?" "No thanks," Vincent responds, raising a glass, "I've got one 'ere."

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