Humor Additions for Friday, November 23rd, 2001


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On a famous TV game show A BLONDE contestant needed only to answer one more question.

One simple question stood between her and ONE MILLION DOLLARS! "To be today's champion," the show's smiling host intoned, "name two of Santa's reindeer."

The contestant, gave a sigh of relief, gratified that she had drawn such an easy question. "Rudolph!" she said confidently, "and, ...Olive!"

The studio audience started to applaud (as the little sign above their heads said to do) but the clapping quickly faded into mumbling, and the confused host replied, "Yes, we'll accept Rudolph, but could you please explain... 'Olive?!?'"

"You know," the woman circled her hand forward impatiently and began to sing, "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer had a very shiny nose. And if you ever saw it, you would even say it glowed. *Olive,* the other reindeer..."
 

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I married Miss Right ... I just didn't know her first name was Always.
  • I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months...I don't like to interrupt her.
  • Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
  • The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"
  • In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested.
  • Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
  • What is the difference between a dog and a fox? About 5 drinks.
  • A beggar walked up to a well dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said "I haven't eaten anything in four days." She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your will power."
  • Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law.
  • Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in every country, son.
  • A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified: "Wife Wanted". The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
  • The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
  • First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second guy "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
  • How do most men define marriage? An expensive way to get laundry done for free.
  • Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
  • If you want your wife to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
  • Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late."
  • A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married? " And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

Submitted by Kevin, Dallas, Tx.
 

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Three blond guys are stranded on one side of a wide river and don't know how to get across.

The first blond guy prays to God to make him smart enough to think of a way to cross the river. God turns him into a brown haired man, and he swam across.

The second blonde guy prays to God to make him even smarter, so he can think of a better way to cross the river. God turns him into a red-haired man and he builds a boat and rows across.

The third blonde guy prays to God to make him the smartest of all, so God turns him into a woman and he walks across the bridge.

Submitted by Wink, Brooklyn, NY
  

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