• He never cut his hair
• He walked around barefoot all the time
• He started a new religion.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:

• He went into His Fathers business
• He lived at home until he was 33
• He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his mother was sure he was God.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:

• He talked with his hands
• He had wine with every meal
• He used olive oil.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Black

• He called everyone "brother"
• He liked Gospel
• He couldn't get a fair trial

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:

• He never got married
• He was always telling stories
• He loved green pastures.

But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman:

• She had to feed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food.
• She kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.
• Even when She was dead, She had to get up because there was more work for Her to do

St. Peter met him and welcomed him saying "You will certainly enjoy Paradise."

The Texan shook his head sadly and said "I always thought that TEXAS was Paradise."

St. Peter said "Well, let me show you what we have to offer." He took the Texan to an area that had a beautiful river flowing through it with wildlife and flowers everywhere. "Isn't this beautiful?" said St. Peter.

The Texan replied, "Yes, but not as pretty as the area around SAN ANTONIO."

Somewhat ruffled, St. Peter took him to another area where there were rolling hills, whitetail deer and bluebonnets and Indian Paintbrush everywhere. "Now" said St. Peter "Have you ever seen anything so wonderful?"

The Texan paused and said "Yes, it is beautiful but it does not hold a candle to the TEXAS HILL COUNTRY in the springtime."

Becoming more upset, St. Peter then took the Texan to a beautiful white beach, with gentle waves, and an azure sky. "Now have you seen anything this beautiful in Texas" said St. Peter.

The Texan smiled and said "I guess you've never been to SOUTH PADRE ISLAND".

At this point, St. Peter took the Texan to a large rock. On the side of the rock was a huge iron door. St. Peter opened the door and they stepped into an elevator and started going down.

As they descended, it grew more and more hot. When the elevator door opened, it revealed the fires of damnation-Hell. St. Peter said, "Now, have you got anything in Texas that can top that?"

The Texan thought a moment and shook his head. "No, but I know a couple of old boys from HOUSTON that can put that thing out for you."

A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art."

"Really," answered the neighbor, "What kind is it?"

"Twelve thirty."

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280 Interstate. Please be careful!"

"It's not just one car," said Herman. "It's hundreds of them!"