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Morty and Saul, are out one
afternoon on a lake when their boat starts sinking.
Saul says to Morty, "So listen,
Morty, you know I don't swim so well. Your going to have use that
life saving training you got during our Synagogue summer camp
days."
Morty went over what he still remembered of the training and
began tugging Saul toward shore. After ten minutes, he begins to
tire. Finally about 100 feet from shore, Morty asks Saul, "So
Saul, do you suppose you could float alone?"
Saul replies, "Morty, this is a hell of a time to be asking for
money!"
Submitted by Larry,
Walkersville, Md.
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There are recent rumors
that Julie Andrews did a concert for AARP.
Ms. Andrews sang a favorite from the Sound
of Music, Favorite Things. There were a few changes to the
words, to fit in with the AARP theme ...
Maalox and nose drops and needles for
knitting,
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,
Bundles of magazines tied up in string,
These are a few of my favorite things.
Cadillacs and cataracts and hearing aids
and glasses,
Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
These are a few of my favorite things.
When the pipes leak,
When the bones creak,
When the knees go bad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don't feel so bad.
Hot tea and crumpets, and corn pads for
bunions,
No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,
Bathrobes and heat pads and hot meals they bring,
These are a few of my favorite things.
Back pains, confused brains, and no fear
of sinnin,
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinin,
And we won't mention our short shrunken frames,
When we remember our favorite things.
When the joints ache, when the hips
break,
When the eyes grow dim,
Then I remember the great life I've had,
And then I don't feel so bad.
Submitted by
Suse, Gettysburg, PA.
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About Aging, My Little
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A Good Pun Is Its Own
Reword ... However a Bad Pun ...
- Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with
battery.
- A pessimist's blood type is always
b-negative.
- Practice safe eating - always use
condiments.
- A Freudian slip is when you say one
thing but mean your mother.
- Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or
death.
- I used to work in a blanket factory,
but it folded.
- If electricity comes from electrons...
does that mean that morality comes from morons?
- Marriage is the mourning after the knot
before.
- A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
- Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
- Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?
- Sea captains don't like crew cuts.
- Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
- When you dream in color, it's a pigment
of your imagination.
- Reading whilst sunbathing makes you
well-red.
- When two egotists meet, it's an I for
an I.
- Alarms: What an octopus is.
- Dockyard: A physician's garden.
- Incongruous: Where bills are passed.
- Khakis: What you need to start the car
in Boston.
- Oboe: An English tramp.
- Pasteurize: Too far to see.
- Propaganda: A gentlemanly goose.
- Toboggan: Why we go to an auction.
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