• "Well aren't we a bloody ray of sunshine?
• "Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after.
• Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble plastic is cheap. You choose.
• Practice random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control.
• I'm not crazy. I've been in a very bad mood for thirty years.
• Do they ever shut up on your planet?
• I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
• Stress is when you wake up screaming and realize you haven't gone to sleep yet.
• Back off! You're standing in my aura.
• Don't worry. I forgot your name too.
• I work 45 hours a week to be this poor.
• Wait. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
• Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
• Earth is full. Go home.
• Aw, did I step on your poor little itty bitty ego?
• I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
• I'm already visualizing duct tape over your mouth.
• Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
• I'll try to be nicer, if you try to be smarter.
• How about never? Is never good for you?
• What ever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
• I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
• Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
• You're a good example of why some animals eat their young.
• Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?
• I'm NOT stressed out. You're just extremely annoying!
• Have a nice day. somewhere else.

Go to Things You'd Love to Say at Work, But Can't! I

Submitted by Mike, Broomfield, Co.
 

Return to: Top of Page, List of Jokes about work, My Little Sister's Jokes,

Note: due to the complexity and difficulty level of their content, each course will accept a maximum of 8 participants.

• Topic 1 - How to fill up the ice cube trays Step by step, with slide presentation.
• Topic 2 - The toilet paper roll: do they grow on the holders? Round table discussion.
• Topic 3 - Is it possible to urinate using the technique of lifting the seat up And avoiding the floor/walls and nearby bathtub? Group practice.
• Topic 4 - Fundamental differences between the laundry hamper and the floor. Pictures and explanatory graphics.
• Topic 5 - The after-dinner dishes and silverware: can they levitate and fly into The kitchen sink? Examples on video.
• Topic 6 - Loss of identity: losing the remote or allowing others to use it. Help line support and support groups.
• Topic 7 - Learning how to find things, starting with looking in the right place Instead of turning the house upside down while screaming. Open forum.
• Topic 8 - Health watch: bringing her flowers is not harmful to your health. Graphics and audiotape.
• Topic 9 - Real men ask for directions when lost. Real life testimonials.
• Topic 10 - Is it genetically impossible to sit quietly as she parallel parks? Driving simulation.
• Topic 11 - Learning to live: basic differences between living alone or with Others. Online classes and role-playing.
• Topic 12 - How to be the ideal shopping companion. Relaxation, exercises, meditation and breathing techniques.
• Topic 13 - How to fight cerebral atrophy: remembering birthdays, anniversaries, Other important dates and calling when you're going to be late. Cerebral shock therapy sessions and full lobotomies offered.
• Topic 14 - Car keys and other items: Practice on developing skills of putting things back where they belong so that they can be easily found.

Upon completion of the course, diplomas will be issued to any survivors.
 

Return to: Top of Page, List of Jokes About Men, My Little Sister's Jokes,

June 9th Humor Page