'Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house,
Every creature was hurtin', even the mouse.
The toys were all broken, their batteries dead;
Santa passed out, with some ice on his head.

Wrapping and ribbons just covered the floor,
while upstairs the family continued to snore.
And I in my T-shirt, new Reeboks and jeans,
I went into the kitchen and started to clean.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the sink to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the curtains, and threw up the sash.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a little white truck, with an oversized mirror.
The driver was smiling, so lively and grand;
The patch on his jacket said "U.S. POSTMAN."

With a handful of bills, he grinned like a fox
Then quickly he stuffed them into our mailbox.
Bill after bill, after bill, they still came.
Whistling and shouting he called them by name:

"Now Dillard's, now Broadway's, now Penny's and Sears
Here's Robinson's, Levitz's and Target and Mervyn's.
To the tip of your limit, every store, every mall,
Now charge away--charge away--charge away all!"

He whooped and he whistled as he finished his work.
He filled up the box, and then turned with a jerk.
He sprang to his truck and he drove down the road,
Driving much faster with just half a load.

Then I heard him exclaim with great holiday cheer,
"Enjoy what you got  . . . you'll be paying all year!"

Submitted by Debbie, Middletown, Md

• You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
• The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.
• You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
• You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
• You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.
• Someone in your family died right after saying, "Hey, guys, watch this."
• You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
• Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
• Your junior prom offered day care.
• You think the last words of the "Star-Spangled Banner" are "Gentlemen, start your engines."
• You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
• The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
• You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
• One of your kids was born on a pool table.
• You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
• You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
• You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

Submitted by Bill, Narberth, PA.