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A mother enters her daughter's bedroom and sees a letter over the
bed. With the worst
premonition, she reads it with trembling hands:
Dear Mom,
It is with great regret and sorrow that
I'm telling you that I eloped with my new boyfriend.
I found real passion and he is so nice,
with all his piercing and tattoos and his big motorcycle.
But it's not only that mom, I'm pregnant
and Ahmed said that we will be very happy in his trailer in the
woods. He wants to have many more children with me and that's
one of my dreams. I've learned that marijuana doesn't hurt
anyone and we'll be growing it for us and his friends, who are
providing us with all the cocaine and ecstasies we may want. In
the meantime, we'll pray for science to find the AIDS cure, for
Ahmed to get better, he deserves it.
Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now
and I know how to take care of myself.
Some day I'll visit for you to know your
grandchildren.
Your daughter, Judith
PS: Mom, it's not true. I'm at the
neighbor's house. I just wanted to show you that there are worse
things in life than the report card that's in my desk drawer...
I love you!
Submitted by Pat, South Mt. Lake, Va.
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There was a good logical reason for removing the Ten Commandments
monument ... ...
from the Alabama Supreme Court building. You cannot post things
like "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery", and
"Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges and
politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.
Submitted by Don, Hagerstown,
Md.
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A bus stops and
two Italian men get on.
They sit down and engage in an
animated conversation.
The lady sitting behind
them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when
she hears one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two
asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come
together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta
time." "You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady
indignantly. "In this Country, we don't speak aloud in public
places about our sex lives....... "
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who
talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella
'Mississippi'."
Submitted by Bill, Narberth, Pa.
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Oldie
by goodie groners
-
Two antennas meet
on a roof, fall in love and get
married. The ceremony wasn't much, but
the reception was excellent.
- Two hydrogen
atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've
lost my electron. "The other says,
"Are you sure?" The first replies,
"Yes, I'm positive..."
- A jumper
cable walks into a bar. The bartender
says, "I'll serve you but don't start
anything."
- A sandwich
walks into a bar. The bartender says,
"Sorry we don't serve food in here."
- A dyslexic
man walks into a bra.
- A man walks
into a bar with a slab of asphalt
under his arm and says: "A beer
please, and one for the road."
- Two cannibals
are eating a clown. One says to the
other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
- "Doc, I can't
stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass
of Home.' "That sounds like Tom Jones
Syndrome." "Is it common?" "It's Not
Unusual."
- Two cows
standing next to each other in a
field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was
artificially inseminated this
morning." "I don't believe you," said
Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" Exclaimed
Daisy.
- An invisible
man marries an invisible woman. The
kids were nothing to look at either.
- Deja
Moo: The feeling that you've heard
this bull before.
- A man takes
his Rottweiler to the vet and says,
"My dog's cross-eyed, is there any
thing you can do for him?" "Well,"
says the vet, "let's have a look at
him." So he picks the dog up and
examines his eyes. Finally, he says,
"I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No,
because he's really heavy."
- Apparently,
one in five people in the world are
Chinese. And there are five people in
my family, so it must be one of them.
It's either my Mom or my dad or maybe
my older brother Calvin or my younger
brother Hop-Sing-Lee. But I'm pretty
sure it's Calvin.
- I went to buy
some camouflage trousers the other day
but I couldn't find any.
- I went to the
butcher's the other day to bet him 50
bucks that he couldn't reach the meat
off the top shelf. He said, "No, the
steaks are too high."
- A man woke up
in a hospital after a serious
accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor,
I can't feel my legs!" The doctor
replied, "I know you can't -- I've cut
off your arms!"
- I went to a
seafood disco last week and pulled a
mussel.
- Two Eskimos
sitting in a kayak were chilly; but
when they lit a fire in the craft, it
sank, proving that you can't have your
kayak and heat it too.
- What do you
call a fish with no eyes? A fsh
- Two termites
walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bar
tender here?"
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Oct
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