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When you
occasionally have a really bad day ...
...
, and you just need to take it out on
someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on
someone you don't know. It all started one day when I was sitting
at my desk and remembered a phone call I had forgotten to make. I
found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying, "Hello."
I politely said, "This is Chris. May I
please speak with Robin Carter?" Suddenly, the phone was slammed
down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. I
tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. I had
transposed the last two digits of her phone number. After hanging
up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the
same guy answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an ignoramus!" and
hung up.
I wrote his number down with the word
'ignoramus' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple
of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd
call him up and yell, "You're an ignoramus!" It always cheered me
up.
When Caller ID came to our area, I thought
my therapeutic 'ignoramus' calling would have to stop.So, I called
his number and said: "Hi, this is John Smith from the Telephone
Company. I'm just calling to see if you're interested in the
Caller ID program?" He yelled "NO!" and slammed the phone down. I
quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an
ignoramus!"
One day I was at the store, getting ready
to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off
and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the
horn and yelled that I had been waiting for the spot. The idiot
ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car window, so I
wrote down his number. A couple of days later, right after calling
the first ignoramus (I had his number on speed dial), I thought I
had better call the BMW ignoramus, too. I said, "Is this the man
with the black BMW for sale?"
"Yes, it is."
"Can you tell me where I can see it?"
"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house, and
the car's parked right out in front."
"What's your name?"
"My name is Don Burgemeyer," he said.
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home every evening after five."
"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
"Yes?"
"Don, you're an igranomus."
Then I hung up, and added his number to my
speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two idiots to
call. But after several months of calling them, it wasn't as
enjoyable as it used to be. So, I came up with an idea. I called
ignoramus #1.
"Hello."
"You're an idiots!" (But I didn't hang
up.)
"Are you still there?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said.
"Stop calling me," he screamed.
"Make me," I screamed back.
"Who are you?" he demanded.
"My name is Don Burgemeyer."
"Yeah? Where do you live?"
"I live at 1802 West 34th Street, Idiots!
It's a yellow house, with my black beemer parked in front."
He said, "I'm coming over there right now,
Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared,
ignoramus." Then I called Idiots #2.
"Hello?" he said.
"Hello, ignoramus," I said...again,
without hanging up.
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you
are!"
"Yeah, you'll what?" I said.
"I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.
I answered, "Well, ignoramus, here's your
chance. I'm coming over right now." Then I hung up and immediately
called the police, saying that I lived at 1802 West 34th Street,
and that I was on my way home to kill my gay lover. Then I called
Channel 9 News to let them know about the war going down on West
34th Street. I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th
street. There I saw two ignoramus beating each other in front of
six squad cars, a police helicopter, and a news crew.
NOW, I feel better. Anger management
really works!!!
Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.
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