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| A Irishman entered a restaurant one afternoon ... ... and asked the
waitress for a cup of coffee. The Irishman looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?" The waitress nodded "yes," so the Irishman told her to give Jesus a cup of coffee, on him.
The next patron to come in was an Englishman with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus over there?" The waitress nodded, so the Englishman said
to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, "my treat."
The third patron to come into the restaurant was a Redneck on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, "Hey there sweet thang. How's about gettin' me a cold glass of Coke!" He too looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that God's boy over
there?" The waitress once again nodded that it was, so the Redneck said to give Jesus a cold glass of Coke, "on my bill."
As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Irishman, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Irishman felt the strength come back to his legs, got up and danced a jig right out the door.
Jesus also passed by the Englishman, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Englishman felt his back straightening up, and he raised his hands, praised the Lord and did a series of back flips out the door.
Then Jesus walked up to the Redneck.
The Redneck jumped up and yelled, "Don't touch me... I'm drawin' disability!"
Submitted by Don, Hagerstown, Md.
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| A blonde came running up to her husband in the driveway ... ... as he came home from work. She said,
"Honey, I have some really great news for you!"
The husband said, "Great, tell me why you're so happy?"
"I'm pregnant!" she shouted.
He said, "That's wonderful! I couldn't be happier!"
hen, she said, "Oh honey, wait, there's more!"
He asked, "What do you mean 'more'?"
She said, "Well, we aren't having just one baby, we are having TWINS!"
Amazed, he asked her how she knew.
She said, "Well, that was the easy part."
I went to Wal-Mart and bought the twin-pack "Home Pregnancy Test kit" and BOTH tests came out positive!"
A blonde with two red ears went to the doctor. The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears.
She answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang, but instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief, "but what happened to your other ear?"
"The jerk called back."
Submitted by Bill, Narberth, PA.
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| A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends ..
...when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy middle-aged man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him.
The young-at-heart man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her (as all men will). Before she could offer her apologies for so rudely staring, he leaned over and whispered to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do,
no matter how kinky, for $20.00......on one condition." (There are always conditions).
Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words." (Controlling huh?)
The woman considered his proposition for a moment, and then slowly removed a $20 bill from her purse, which she pressed into the man's hand along with her address. She looked deeply into his eyes, and slowly and meaningfully said...
"Clean my house."
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Jan 19th Humor Page
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