Trying to make a good impression on her first day, she explained that she was a Pittsburgh football fan, and asked the students to raise their hands if they were too.

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• American Kids: Move out when they're 18 with the full support of their parents.
  Italian Kids: Move out when they're 28, having saved for that nice house and are a week away from getting married .... unless there's room in the basement for the newlyweds.
   
• American Kids: When their Mom visits them she brings a nice bundt cake and you sip coffee and chat.
  Italian Kids: When their Mom visits them she brings 3 days worth of food and begins to immediately tidy up, dust, do the laundry or rearrange the furniture.
   
• American Kids: Their dads always call before they come over to visit them and its usually only on special occasions.
  Italian Kids: Are not at all fazed when their dads come over, unannounced, on a Saturday morning at 8:00 and starts pruning the fruit trees. And if there are no fruit trees, he will plant some!
   
• American Parents: You can leave your kids with them and you always worry if everything is going to be ok plus you have to feed them after you pick them up.
  Italian Parents: No problem, leave your kids there and if they get out of line your parents can set them straight ... plus they get fed.
   
• American Kids: Always pay retail and look in the yellow pages when they need something done. Italian Kids: Just call their dad or uncle and ask for another dad's or uncle's phone number to get it done .... cash deal, knowwhatImean?
   
• American Kids: Will come over for cake and coffee and get only cake and coffee, no more.
  Italian Kids: Will come over for cake and coffee and get antipasto, a few bottles of wine, a pasta dish, a choice of two meats, salad, bread, potatoes, a nice dessert cake, fruit, coffee and a few after dinner drinks .... time permitting there will be a late lunch as well.
    
• American Kids: Think that being Italian is a great thing,
  Italian Kids: Know that being Italian is a great thing
   
• American Kids: Never ask the reason you have no food.
  Italian Kids: Are the reason you have no food.
   
• American Kids: Will say 'hello".
  Italian Kids: Will give you a big hug and a kiss, pinch your cheeks, and pat you on the back.
    
• American Kids: Call your parents Mr. and Mrs.
• Italian Kids: Call your parents Mom and Dad.
   
• American Kids: Have never seen you cry.
  Italian Kids: Cry with you.
   
• American Kids: Will eat at your dinner table and leave.
  Italian Kids: Will spend hours there, talking, laughing and just being together.
   
• American Kids: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
  Italian Kids: Keep your stuff so long they forget it's yours.
   
• American Kids: Know a few things about you.
  Italian Kids: Could write a book with direct quotes from you.
   
• American Kids: Will leave you behind if that's what the crowd is doing.
  Italian Kids: Will kick the whole crowds' ass that left you.
   
• American Kids: Would knock on your door.
  Italian Kids: Walk right in and say, "I'm home!"
   
• American Kids: Are for a while.
  Italian Kids: Are for life.

Submitted by Jay, Long Island, Ny
 

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OK, mosquitoes... prepare to be repelled !!!!!

Use Bounce Fabric Softener Sheets .Best thing ever used in Louisiana.  Just wipe on & go. Great for Babies

Bob, a fisherman, takes one vitamin B-1 tablet a day April through October . He said it works. He was right. Hasn't had a mosquito bite in 33 years. Try it. Every one he has talked into trying it works on them. Vitamin B-1( Thiamine Hydrochloride 100 mg.)

If you eat bananas, the mosquitoes like you, - something about the banana oil as your body processes it. Stop eating bananas for the summer and the mosquitoes will be much less interested.

This is going to floor you, but one of the best insect repellents someone found (who is in the woods every day), is Vick's Vapor Rub.

Plant marigolds around the yard, the flowers give off a smell that bugs do not like, so plant some in that garden also to help ward off bugs without using insecticides.

"Tough guy" Marines who spend a great deal of time "camping out" say that the very best mosquito repellant you can use is Avon Skin-So-Soft bath oil mixed about half and half with alcohol.

One of the best natural insect repellants that I've discovered is made from the clear real vanilla. This is the pure Vanilla that is sold in Mexico. It works great for mosquitoes and ticks, don't know about other insects.

When all else fails--get a frog!

Fight West Nile... Pass this along to all your friends in 'skeeter land!!!

Also submitted by Jay, Long Island, Ny.
 

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 Many will recall that on July 8, 1947, witnesses claimed that an unidentified object with five aliens aboard crashed onto a sheep and cattle ranch just outside Roswell, New Mexico. This is a well-known incident that many say has long been covered up by the U.S. Air Force and the federal government. However, you may NOT know that in the month of March 1948, exactly nine months after that historic day:

1.  George W. Bush,
2. Dick Cheney,
3. Donald Rumsfield,
4. Bill O'Reilly and
5. Rush Limbaugh,

 were all born. See what happens when aliens breed with sheep. This piece of information may clear up a lot of things.

Submitted by Eleanor, San Francisco, Calf.
 

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And one more submitted by Jay, Long Island, Ny.
 

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A wish for all of the difficult people in your life

Submitted by Bill, Ardmore, Pa.
 

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June 20th Humor Page