Dear Walter:

I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a few hundred yards down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help.

When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was parading in front of the wardrobe mirror dressed in my underwear and high-heel shoes, and he was wearing my make up.

I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years. When I confronted him, he tried to make out that he had dressed in my lingerie because he couldn't find his own underwear. But when I asked him about the make-up, he broke down and admitted that he'd been wearing my clothes for six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him.

He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. I don't feel I can get through to him anymore.

Can you please help?

Sincerely,
Sheila

Reply

Dear Sheila:

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber. I hope this helps.

Walter

Return to: Top of Page, List of Jokes About Men, My Little Sister's Jokes,

... to send and receive messages from tugboats moving barges up and down major rivers. Each day, by 2 p.m., the tugboats send data on the day's activities to the company's traffic department.

At least that's how it's supposed to work.

"I got a call from our traffic department saying they only got data from about half the boats, and would I check on it?" technician says.

He calls the satellite company, but the technician there says there's no problem on his end.

Meanwhile, the traffic department calls again -- they're still not getting messages from the missing boats.

"So I called the boats and got them to re-send the messages, and they came through," says our tech. "The problem apparently cleared itself up."

But he isn't quite satisfied. "I called the satellite company back to see what happened, and what we could do if the problem recurred."

Satellite company's technician doesn't know what happened and doesn't have any way of finding out. "In order to track the messages, we would need an identification number from the message," he tells our tech.

We could find out those numbers eventually, he figures.

"Also, the identification numbers are recycled every half hour," tech continues.

"So I need to get you the identification number within that time?" he asks.

"Right", says the satellite tech.

"So to summarize," says our tech glumly, "we need to give you the identification numbers of the messages we haven't received, within half an hour of not receiving them?"
 

Return to: Top of Page, List of Jokes about Work, My Little Sister's Jokes,

• I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK?
• My mother-in-law has come back as one of the Undead and we must track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give her eternal peace. One day should do it.
• If it is all the same to you I won't be coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all my guns today.
• I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at Kroger.
• I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't come to work knowing my employee records may now contain false information.
• The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.

Return to: Top of Page, List of Jokes about Work, My Little Sister's Jokes,

"Idaho Sen. Larry Craig, a married, very anti-gay conservative Republican, was arrested by a plainclothes police officer for lewd conduct in a Minneapolis airport men's room. Today the senator's office said it was all a big misunderstanding. Apparently what happened was when the senator went in to use the restroom, he accidentally grabbed the wrong penis." --Jay Leno

"There's another scandal in Washington. One of the senator's from Idaho, Larry Craig, was arrested in airport men's room. Gives new meaning to the word 'caucusing.'" --David Letterman

"The police report says he tapped his foot, which means 'I want gay sex.' And, also means I'll never wear my iPod to the bathroom again." --Jimmy Kimmel

"Needless to say, Senator Craig is also anti-gay marriage and gays in the military, which I think, shows he doesn't let his personal needs interfere with his work." --Jimmy Kimmel, on Larry Craig's bathroom incident

"You know who I feel sorry for in this whole thing? The undercover cop. How'd you like to have that job. Sit in an airport bathroom all day, your pants around your ankles with a coffee and a donut waiting for guys to hit on you." --Jay Leno

"Earlier today, after months of scandals and political pressure, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales announced he's going to resign. Gonzales said, 'There comes a time when a man should resign, and that time for me was last January.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Russian leader Vladimir Putin -- have you seen this guy? He gets his picture taken a lot with his shirt off. We used to have a pantless president, they've got a shirtless president. He was named 'Sexiest Commie Alive' ... nearly edging out Hugo Chavez and Kim Jong-Il. ... But people are stunned the Russian president appearing in public without a shirt. And I was thinking, 'Well heck, our president often appears in public without a brain'" --David Letterman

 Return to: Top of Page, Recent Quips from Late Night List, My Little Sister's Jokes,

... however some calls can be quite unconventional as follows:

• "My cat just came in from the garage and I was wondering...how many calories are in a mouse?"
• "I have a neutered male cat. How old should he be before I can breed him?"
• "What should I feed a borderline collie?"
• "What size litter box do I need to keep my cat comfy?"
• "Is it normal for a dog to shed?"
• "How can I keep my cat from stealing my husband's toothbrush?"
• "My cat passed a stool on the indoor rug and it's stuck in the vacuum cleaner. Any suggestions?"
• "How can I get the secret recipe for your special dog food?"
• "How do I stop my cat from giving food to the dog?"
• "Your food turned my dog into a stud. Now what do I do?"
• "Do you know how to toilet train a cat?"
• "I have three cats. Is it true that a special brand of cat food makes the poop smell better?"
• "Will chewing pop cans remove enamel from my puppy's teeth?"
• "Where can I get a six-toed cat?"

Return to: Top of Page, List of Jokes about Animals, My Little Sister's Jokes,

Headstone of Russell J. Larsen in The Logan City Cemetery, Logan, Utah. 

I wonder if he died knowing he won the "Coolest Headstone" contest?

Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.
 

Return to: Top of Page, List of Photos, My Little Sister's Jokes,

Sept 3rd Humor Page