• On payday, he attaches your paycheck to the ceiling fan.
• He allows only two bathroom breaks: One at 8:30 AM and one at 4:00 PM.
• On his personal calendar you notice "bath" only every other Tuesday.
• You notice that every time his "wife" calls in, it's a different person.
• You cannot have a pet rock on your desk, but he keeps his two pit bulls chained in his office.
• On snowy days he parks his BMW in the lobby.
• His filing system is rather unique: He uses the I Ching method.
• His personal secretaries all come from the temp agency and are under nineteen.
• He suddenly leaves the office when the big boss shows up.
• On his Pagan religious holidays, he takes two days off each. You have to come in on your holidays, like Christmas and Thanksgiving.
• He gives you fifteen minutes to rush home and vote on election day.
• He gets all of the latest computer equipment in his office. When you touch your equipment, you get a shock.
• He makes you contribute to all of his children's fund raisers, while he just laughs at pictures of your children in hand-me-down clothing.
• His carpeting is worn down from the edge of the green rug all the way into the cup.
• You are told to go downstairs and buy him the liquor for him to mix in his coffee.
• He is always visited at lunchtime by a new "niece".
• Your lunch break is as long as he doesn't need you. Sometimes it is ten or fifteen minutes.
• He does not realize that you need to go home every night before you return in the morning.
• He keeps Piranhas in his fish tank.
• He jokes to his associates about the low salaries he pays his employees, and how he pockets the extras in his 401K plan as extra income.

The visiting hunter asked, "When did you bag him?"

The host said proudly, "That was three years ago, when I went hunting with my ex-wife."

"What's he stuffed with," asked the visiting hunter.

"My ex-wife" replied the hunter.

"Over the weekend in Texas, President Bush's daughter, Jenna, got married. Very nice, yeah. Afterwards, President Bush said, 'I haven't cried that much since Steve left 'Blues Clues.'' --Conan O'Brien

"Well, as reported, some Democrats are quietly sending word to Hillary that it's over. And Hillary's people said it's not over until the fat lady sings. To which Bill said, 'There's a fat lady? Where?'" --Jay Leno

"How about that presidential race? Hillary Clinton just won't quit. Can you believe that, ladies and gentlemen? You have to admire somebody who, against all odds, just won't quit. I mean, right now she has absolutely no chance whatsoever of being president, but she just won't quit. And they're running out of money. Hillary Clinton, God bless her, is running out of money. And today she was wearing a certified pre-owned pantsuit." --David Letterman

"Right now, this is interesting, director Oliver Stone is making a movie about President Bush that's called 'W.' Yeah. He's also making a movie about John McCain called 'No Country for Old Men.'" --Conan O'Brien

"No, Hillary Clinton said she will not give up, she will go to the convention, and she will win. And then the bartender said, 'Ma'am, it's 3:00, we're closing.' In fact, you hear Hillary's new slogan? 'I'm just in it now to annoy the hell out of everybody.'" --Jay Leno