Editor's Note: Indented entries are none Former Former Boozer association entries but are included as they drew a subsequent response from the Boozers.

1911

Oct. 20 - Temperance Reform Criticized

President Andreas of the Brewers Congress has criticized temperance advocates in this way: "In this country the so-called temperance movement has fallen into the hands of the most intemperate people in the nation - individuals suffering from what I can only describe as chronic moral inebriation, individuals utterly devoid of reasoning powers, largely lacking in the most elementary knowledge and education, and, worse than all, in only too many cases prompted solely by the commercial benefits they derived from the cause they make a profession of championing."

1913

June 6 - Mud Muffles Suffragettes

Saturday’s Suffragettes rally came to an end before it even began when the autocar carrying the ringleaders from Frederick stalled after going through a mud puddle in the Square.

The men of town assembled on the Hotel Slagel’s porch and had a good time as they wandered back and forth between the hotel’s bar and the show the Suffragettes were putting on as they attempted to push their stalled autocar out of the mud hole.

One jolly onlooker was overheard saying: "If you ever need a reason why women should not be allowed to vote, just look at how bad they drive autocars."

Mrs. Annan, who had organized the rally, put an end to the festivities when she had her man hitch up ‘Old Luke’ and haul the car to the Emmitsburg Motor Garage, as the humiliated, mud spattered Suffergets repaired to her house.

It was not lost on the male onlookers that the women, with their fancy autocar, had to turn to a man and a trusty horse to save the day.

September 19 - Meeting of Equal Suffrage League

A special meeting of the Equal Suffrage League of Emmitsburg was held at the home of Mrs. Annan Saturday afternoon. A number of ill-informed local women and out of town visitors were present. The league members are very enthusiastic over the fact that the membership has doubled itself. The next regular meeting will be at the home of Mrs. Annan on October 10. Husbands of women choosing to attend the next meeting are invited to deal with their shame by getting "loaded" at the Hotel Slagle’s bar.

October 3 - Meeting of the Equal Suffrage League

The regular meeting of the Equal Suffrage League will be held at the home of Mrs. Annan, Friday evening at 8:30 pm. There will be present a speaker of note from Washington, as well as a trouble maker from Baltimore. As always, husbands of women attending this meeting are invited to drink away their shame at the Hotel Slagel’s bar on the Square.

1914

January 16 - Equal Suffrage League

The Equal Suffrage League held its regular meeting at the home of Mrs. Annan on Friday. According to the women the program was very interesting. According to their husbands gathered at the Hotel's Slagle’s bar, the pool tournament was more interesting.

February 27 - Suffergets Meet with Auto Accident

Last night’s Women’s Sufferget meeting hosted at the Annan house had to be called off when the Autocar driven but the guest speaker broke a rim in a pot hole near the covered bridge over Tom’s Creek. A call for help went unanswered by the men of the town, who instead chose to occupy themselves in drinking and playing pool in the Hotel Slagel’s saloon. The mood of the men was captured quite eloquently by one men who was overheard saying: "If women think they are smart enough to vote, then they should be smart enough to change a tire." As we go to press, the autocar is still stuck – apparently no woman knows how to change a tire.

March 20 - United Order of Former Boozers

Under the name of the United Order of Former Boozers, 300 reformed drunkards, many of whom now hold responsible positions, held a dinner recently in New York. After the banquet a constitution was adopted. The organization will be a permanent one, the object of which will be to aid others in breaking their friendship with Mr. John Barleycorn.

Emmitsburg, a hotbed of woman suffrage, was well represented by husbands’ of women foolish enough to believe women are smart enough to vote. Upon their return home, the Emmitsburg representatives converged upon the Hotel Spangler’s bar where they quickly set about making up for lost time, and promptly formed a Former Former Boozers Association.

April 13 - Equal Suffrage League

The equal suffrage league will meet Friday, April 10, at 8 o’clock at the home of Mrs. Annan. Former members of the Former Boozer’s Association have invited husbands of the women going to the meeting to join them at their meeting in the hotel Slagle’s bar.

May 15 - Former Former Boozers to Protest Suffragettes

Members of the Former Former Boozer's Association have announced that they plan to protest outside the home of Mrs. Annan at the next meeting of the Suffragette Society. Members say they are tired of outside agitators coming into town and poisoning the minds of local women with foolish talk of equality with men. "If you give women the right to vote," said one avid supporter of John Barleycorn, "the next thing you know they will be asking a man to clean house or come home early from the pub. We have to stop this nonsense now before it gets out of hand." All likeminded men are encouraged to attend. Free beer will be provided by the society.

May 22 - Former Former Boozers Protest Fizzles

The much-anticipated Former Former Boozer's Association protest of the local Suffragette Society fell victim to too much advanced planning. Members began gathering at one in the afternoon in the Hotel Slagel’s bar. By six, the hour of the appointed protest, most had forgotten why they had assembled, and those that did were in no condition to appear in public lest the run afoul of the ordnance against public intoxication. The ringleaders of the protest were unphased as they were the winning team at darts that night.

June 5 - Prohibitionist Get Together

There will be a big get together conference on Thursday afternoon at the Methodist Episcopal Church in Frederick. The purpose of this meeting is to discuss plans for organizing and setting in motion forces which will line up Frederick County solidly for countywide and statewide prohibition. Members of Emmitsburg’s Former Former Boozers Association say they plan on protesting the meeting, provided they can get back in time for the evening dart match at the Hotel Slagel.

June 12 - Supersaturated Alcoholics

The town lockup had as its guest late Wednesday night two supersaturated alcoholics who were trying to make sleep impossible for residents on E. Main St. at the expense of their vocal powers. Policeman Rowe took the men in tow. One prisoner was released in the morning on payment of a fine. The other was committed to Mountevue. Rumor has it that the committed man’s wife was a Sufferget and he had been driven to drink by her non-stop nagging on the ludicrous idea of women having the right to voting, an idea that would drive any man insane.

July 10 - Fourth of July Celebration

This year's Fourth of July celebration was one of the best attended and most successful from every standpoint of any of the events that have taken place since the Firemen’s Picnic became an annual local affair. The town was gaily decorated in the national colors, the streets being lined on either side with the stars and stripes.

The day was officially started with a parade of the firemen in uniform. In the line of march was the Emmitsburg Cornet Band, the Detour Band, a large number of decorated automobiles and teams. The reels of the Hose Company, trimmed in bunting and flags, presented a pleasing spectacle, and added greatly to the parade.

Three features that elucidated much applause where Jesse Stone in an Indian costume, mounted on a pony; Francis Gelwicks and his goat team; and a wagon carrying members of Emmitsburg Former Former Boozers Association, most of whom appeared to be asleep. The Former Former Boozers had planned to march but apparently had embraced their passion the night before in their usual enthusiasm while getting ‘ready’ for the parade and decided to ride in order to save their energy for ‘celebrating’ with John Barleycorn during the fireworks.

The fireworks started early however when the suffragette’s float was left standing at the parade starting area. Apparently the Former Former Boozers Association had appropriated ‘Ben’, which Dan Shorb’s wife had provided to pull their float. "He’s a good horse and I don’t what to embarrass him pulling a float supporting womenfolk voting. Pulling a float supporting a man’s right to enjoy a little nip when he wants I can understand." Dan told the Chronicle reporter as he led Ben away. (Rumor has it Dan’s wife has still not spoken to him.)

August 14 - Former Former Boozers’ Association Debate Name Change

After the ruckus caused by the Former Former Boozers ‘appropriating’ the horse that was supposed to pull the Suffergets float in the Forth of July parade, the organizers of Boosters Week have notified the Former Former Boozers that they will not be allowed to march – "or crawl" – remarked Mrs. Annan, head of the Emmitsburg Suffragette movement - in the monster parade.

Following the decision, members of the Former Former Boozers’ Association retired to the Hotel Slagel’s Bar to debate changing the name of the Association. "It’s important that visitors to the festival see that men in Emmitsburg have a clear vision of the future – and that future has no role for women folk voting." Remarked one Boozer, who requested his name not be used least his wife stop cooking him dinner.

Many members were for shorting the name to simply "Boozers’ Association." While other wanted to change it to reflect the true nature of the Association – ‘keeping women in their proper place.’

The debate was hard fought, with many breaks to cool off hot tempers with beer and liquor bought on the Association’s tab. Unfortunately, not a single Boozer could recall the outcome of the debate the next morning. The Boozers have agreed to continue the debate every Friday night until a decision is made or the Association runs out of money for booze.

September 18 - Booster Festival a Big Success

Another "big-time in Emmitsburg" has gone down in history. The weather was fine, the crowds were large, the arrangements excellent, the monster Parade splendid, the lectures far above the average in each and every feature up to a high standard.

On Friday the townsfolk started to decorate. Saturday this was continued until my evening nearly every business place in private growing was a glow with color.

Monday the finishing touches were added and by the time the parade started Emmitsburg was one mass of bunting. In addition to this in window after window rare blossoms, growing plants and stately ferns lent their charm to the effectiveness of the scene. Balconies were transformed into miniature gardens, yellow, red and green predominating; Japanese lanterns hung in front of houses and here and there hanging baskets filled with asters added richness to the scene of all awing declaration.

The Monster Parade went off without a hitch with the exception of the Former Former Boozer's float. To the amazement of many onlookers, the Boozers? had managed to create an American flag made out of liquor bottles (rumor has it the clear bottles had been emptied by Boozers the night before). Members of the association took turns standing (or at least trying to stand) next to the to display to steady it as it moved down the street. At the square, someone (rumor has it is was a Sufferget) threw a firecracker near the feet of ?Old Luke,? who bolted, causing all the bottles to come crashing down and their contents spilled onto the street. There was not a dry eye to be seen on the face of any man in the crowd as the Boozers tried to sop up what they could with shirts and rags. Many a man turned away, unable to look at the carnage. The applauding of the women only added insult to injury. The Boozer’s have vowed revenge.

October 23 - Boozers Debate Women Drivers

The Emmitsburg chapter of the Former Former Boozers Association have announced that they are excepting new members. The Association's dues for new members is one round for all current members every month. For this week's meeting the Association will debate: "Resolved, women don't have the mental facilities to drive an autocar." Arguing in favor of the motion are Eger Dukehart, Dr. John Glass, and Professor Bushman. The Association was unable to find anyone stupid enough to argue against the motion. All self-respecting men who know a women's rightful place are cordially invited to attend the meetings, which are held nightly at the Hotel Slagle's bar.

November 6 - Boozers Celebrate Rejection of Suffrage and Prohibition

Loyal members of the Emmitsburg Chapter of the Former, Former Boozers Association reveled well into early morning hours on Wednesday as the results of elections related to Suffrage and Prohibition were received by the Chronicle Office.

Intelligent men in Missouri, Ohio, North Dakota, South Dakota, Nevada awoke to the dangers to society that would result for of allowing women the right to vote. Suffrage amendments in these states suffered defeats described variously as decisively complete to overwhelming.

But the loudest cheers from the thoroughly inebriated boozers came when word was received that California men buried prohibition by a majority of over 200,000, and adopted a referendum prohibiting another vote on the question within a period of eight years.

One Boozer told the Chronicle that: "The decision prohibiting another vote on prohibition showed how smart the men of California were, as everyone knows womenfolk never take ‘no’ for an answer, but will keep nagging until they get their way. Now," the boozer continued, "California men have the law on their side. We need to do the same thing here and stop all this women voting and prohibition non-sense once and for all."

On Wednesday night, the Boozers resumed their celebrations with a renewed gusto. A moment of silence was held for the men suffering in the 14 states that have made laws prohibiting the sale of alcoholic beverages. It did not go without notice that each of these states allowed women to vote, and that their votes were instrumental in removing a man’s God given right to ‘tip a glass or two.’

December 11 - Wives Cut Boozer’s Meeting Short

The weekly meeting of the Emmitsburg Chapter of the Former Former Boozers Association in the Hotel Slagel’s bar was cut short when Mrs. Shorb interrupted the meeting and cuffed her husband’s ear and drug him home to finish his cores.

The boozers had just passed a motion thanking Mrs. Dodges, President of the National Association Opposed to Women's Suffrage, for her well reasoned proclamation to the President that women don’t have the facilities to vote correctly and should instead confine their interest to keeping their houses clean and cooking for their husbands.

Laughter faded quickly when Dr. Glass’s wife appeared and cuffed his ear also. The remaining members dispersed quickly least their wife’s should make an appearance and ruin their God given right to drink.

1915

January 22 - Boozers Threaten Boycotts

Members of the Emmitsburg Former Former Boozers Association threatened to boycott local businesses that are prohibiting drinking at work. "Preventing a man from drinking while he is at labor is just plain unnatural." Said Professor Shorb. "If they can get away with this, what next? Prohibiting drinking in church?"

"This is what happens when womenfolk meddle in the affairs of men." Added Dr. Dan Glass. "They are unhappy that a man can be happy at work, so the prohibitionist rabble rousers want to make our lives as miserable as theirs! Too that I have only one thing to say to women– stopped drinking tea during your breaks and start drinking ‘shine.’"

Also at the meeting, Andrew Annan of the Banking House Annan Horner said the bank would open a temporary branch at the Hotel Slagel’s saloon on Fridays to allow railroad employees to cash their checks in safety at the ‘saloon branch’ of the bank. "This will ensure the hard working men don’t get caught by wives before they can spend their paychecks on what they want. Everyone knows women just waste money on useless stuff. This is why men should always be in charge of the household finances. " Said Annan, the town’s leading banker, to the applause of all assembled.

February 12 - No Full Moon This Month

Due to the fact that full moons follow one another at intervals of, approximately, 29 and a half days, and as January had the rare good fortunes to scheduled two full moons. One on the first and another on the 30th, poor little February will be deprived of what she should justly have. February, because it contains fewer days, is the only month that is ever slighted in this way.

The last time a February passed without a full moon-in America, at least, was 1847. 1885 Europe had no full moon during February, but the full moon was visible before midnight on the last day of the month in this country because of the five hours difference in time. Next month, March will have two full moons, but after that each month will only have one full moon for some years.

February 19 - Former-Former Boozers Protest Lack of Full Moon

At their monthly meeting at the New Sagle’s Hotels saloon the Emmitsburg Former Former Boozers Association approved a motion to submit a letter of complaint to the American Astronomical Association for failing to schedule a full moon in February.

Boozers’ President Dr. John Glass told the Chronicle reporter: "Most ‘shine’ made on the mountain is moved on full moon nights. The fact no one scheduled a full moon in February is outrageous."

According to Dr. Glass, "It’s hard enough to move ‘shine’ in full moon light after you sufficiently verified its quality by taste testing, I can’t imagine what it will be like to move it in the dark. The people in charge of scheduling full moons are just asking for hard workingmen to get hurt. One just has to look at how many of our members get hurt every night falling down on their way home from the bar to see what I mean. "

Dr. Glass said "Not having a full moon is just plain un-American and said he would not be surprise if the Women’s Prohibition Movement was behind the canceling of the February Full Moon."

March 26 - Boozer to Ride to Coast

‘"Uncle Joe" Walling, one of the founding members of the Emmitsburg Chapter of the Former Former Boozers Association has announced he intends to ride from Emmitsburg to the Pacific coast, starting next Thursday, April 1. His only companion on this trip will be the pony he rides, a stocky, well-built little animal which he bought from Patterson Brothers at this place.

To prepare for his long journey, he intends to close the Hotel Slagel’s saloon every night and see how far his pony can get towards home before he falls off.

It is said that the Hotel Slagel’s Saloon is sponsoring Walling’s trip and that it will supply him booze to get him to at least Zora, and advertising material to distribute along the route. The Emmitsburg Cornet Band will escort "Uncle Joe" to the town limits when he makes his departure, and will involve great jollifications by the members of Former Former Boozers Association.

May 14 - Caught Violating Dry Law

The first arrest since Carroll County went dry was made on Sunday, when the Westminster and Reisterstown bus was stopped on the outskirts of Westminster. Four men with several suitcases full beer and whiskey that had been purchased at Reisterstown, were taken custody. The men were given a hearing and each was fined $50 and costs.

May 21 - Boozers To Raise Finds for Reisterstown Boozers

The Emmitsburg chapter of the Former-Former Boozers Association has announced they will hold a fundraiser tomorrow night to help raise funds for the four men arrested in Carroll County last week on charges of violating that county’s new dry law. The fundraiser will take place in the Hotel Slagel’s bar. Boozers will skip every fifth drink and donate the money to the Reisterstown Boozers. "50 bucks is a lot of money to lose on some stupid law women folk tricked their husbands into passing." Said Boozer President Dan Shorb. "That’s probably two full months of drinking money. It’s just downright wrong. How’s a man supposed to face the world without booze?"

May 28 - Boozer Raise Four Dollars

The Former-Former Boozers fundraiser last week only managed to raise $4 because many members opted to spend the money they were to have donated by skipping their fifth drink to buy their sixth drink. "Many of our members have a hard time counting to 5 in the first place, counting to 5 when they were drunk was just asking too much of hard working men." Said Boozer John Glass. "While they failed to raise real money, at least the money was put to good use in buying booze here in Emmitsburg." Said Glass.

July 2 - Boozer’s Crash Into Pole

A five-passenger touring car was badly damaged after crashing into a telephone pole on the state road at the base of Payne’s Hill, near Thurmont, early Saturday morning, John Cool suffered a broken nose and badly cut face. Benjamin Topper, who was running the car, was bruised and shaken up. Basil Sanders, John Wetzel, and Robert Ridenour were cut by flying glass. The accident was attributed to booze.

The occupants of the auto, all members of the Emmitsburg chapter of the Former-Former Boozers Association, were returning from a ‘shine run’ in the mountains.

According to Topper, the occupants got to sampling the ‘supply’ and he "plain forgot that he was supposed to be steering." "I never had to worry about steering with ‘Old Luke (his horse)," said Topper. "I tell you now, autocars are going to put an end to a man’s constitutional right to drink and drive. No wonder womenfolk like them so much."

It is estimated that it will cost about $350 to repair the damaged auto, which was the property of the New Slagle Hotel Garage.

August 13 - Camp "Tak-it-esy"

Undaunted by the heavy rains of last Wednesday and Thursday, members of the Emmitsburg Former-Former Boozers Association pitch tents on the banks at the confluence of Flat Run and Toms’ Creek in defiance of the predictions concerning Saint Swithin’s Day, Wednesday and by Friday, Camp "Tak-it-esy" was well underway.

Two large waterproof tents provided ample sleeping quarters for the party, and three other tents - the dining, cooking and provisions (liquor) tents served the all the remaining needs. The creek and a rowboat offered pleasure for the devotees of fishing and aquatic sports, but of course, the main attraction was the ability of the members to drink without the incessant nagging of wives.

Evenings were spent in the scholarly pursuit of selecting the best ‘Shine.’ Unfortunately no one bothered to write the winners down, and no one remembered the next morning – which was Ok with the members as that meant they had to repeat the "study" the following night. As the camps name implies everyone took it easy, and all enjoyed to the fullest their little outing.

September 10 - Boozer’s Embrace Hobo

An Itinerant Italian musician visited this place last week. The young musician display great talent on the accordion and was greeted with considerable hospitality by residents of this place, especially by the members of the Former-Former Boozers Association. At the encouragement of the Boozers the Hobo’s filled the night air of Square with old time drinking songs, the lyrics to which the thoroughly boozed Boozers gleefully added with all the volume men of their nature could muster. While the shrill voices of prohibitionist could be occasionally heard in the early morning hours calling for an end to the revelry, the Boozers seemed un-phased, especially after Constable Glass joined them after being asked to quiet them by nagging womenfolk in town. The festivities only came to an end with the first beams of bright morning sunlight – which proved too much for the eyes of those still able to stand up.

October 15 - Boozers Celebrate Defeat of Suffragettes

The Chronicle office was the scene of celebration Wednesday night as the results of the New Jersey vote on Suffrage was reported. The Former Former Boozers formed a line from the Chronicle’s offices to the Hotel Slagel’s bar to relay the results as they were posted in the Chronicle’s window. Emmitsburg Suffragettes gathered in front of the Reformed Church to sing hymns in support of the moment.

As the vote had been expected to be close, the willingness of the men in New Jersey to stand up and do what was right – that being to protect women for the weighty task of voting, a responsibility which all men know a women’s mind is incapable of grasping – was received with great support by the men in town.

As the scale of the defeat of the Suffrage vote became clear, Boozers exited the Slagel’s bar to carry their celebrations to the street. The whooping and hollering of drunken Boozers could be heard throughout town, drowning out the whining voices of the losing suffragettes.

1916

January 14 - Boozers Establish Drinking Rules

In an effort to separate themselves from out of town rowdy drunks, the Emmitsburg chapter of the Former Former Boozers Association has told its members that when drunk – which as far as we can tell is all the time – they should refrain from passing out or relieving themselves on Main Street during the day. Passing out or relieving oneself on Main Street at night or on side streets and alleys during the day is ok. Relieving oneself in front of homes of known prohibitionists or suffragists is encouraged. In addition, Boozers are to refrain from shouting that can be heard more than two blocks, unless the shouter is alerting another boozer of the approach of a wife seeking to infringe upon a man’s right to drink or they are trying to annoy known prohibitionists or suffragists. Public singing is also prohibited unless the singer is Irish.

Feb 25 - Boozers Celebrate Suffrage Vote

Former Former Boozers turned out in force to heckle the suffragettes who gathered on the Square last night to protest the defeat of the state bill to allow women to vote. The Boozers paid a dollar to the boy who could blow out the most candles held by the women – which according to Boozer President Dan Shorb - was a far better use of a dollar then killing flies. "Flies I can live with," said Shorb, "but what right minded man can live with a women voting?" Calls to end the boozers’ celebration went unheeded as Constable Shuff was partaking in the celebration himself.

March 17 - Unmarried Men To Be Taxed

Unmarried men should pay a fixed sum of money, in the form of an annual tax, towards the support of public schools, according to William McAllister, one of the progressives of Baltimore County, who went to the state House at Annapolis, least week to introduced an anti-bachelor bill. The measure provides that all unmarried males over 21-years of age shall pay an annual tax of two dollars to be used for public school purposes.

March 31 - Boozer’s Protest Bachelor Tax

The Former Former Boozers gathered in the Square Saturday night to protest the call for a bachelor tax. The plan to burn William McAllister, who proposed the tax, in effigy, was called off when it was found Bill Shields had drunk the ‘spirits’ that were to be poured over the effigy so it would burn. In his speech to fellow Boozers, President Dan Shorb said everyone knew marriage was an institution created by women soon after man discovered how to make booze – and that marriage clearly was focused on preventing man from enjoying booze as it should be enjoyed – liberally" Mark my words," warned Shorb, "if they are successful in taxing men smart enough to escaping the bondage of marriage, you can be sure they are going to try to tax your booze next." Following the speech, the Boozers retreated into the Hotel Sagle Bar where the conversation generally focused on the good old days before members had been forced into marriage.

April 14 - Boozers Celebrate Anniversary

The Emmitsburg Chapter of the Former Former Boozers Association celebrated the second anniversary of their founding in the usual way – by imbibing liberally with the fruits of Mr. John Barleycorn at the Hotel Slagel’s bar. Before the group became too inebriated, Dr. Glass, the chapter’s president, recounted the group’s successful efforts to throw cold water on the local woman suffrage movement, calling forth the idea that "women are smart enough to vote poppy cock."

Glass also gave a report on Dan Shorb, the intrepid Boozer who set out for the west coast on his trusty mule Luke last year. According to Glass, Shorb, who is committed to stopping at every bar and saloon he passes, has gotten as far as Williamsport. Apparently, Shorb’s progress has been delayed significantly due to his repeated arrests for public drunkenness. Glass’s call for funds to bail out Shorb for his latest arrest went unheeded, as the members of the society decided instead to spend their money on getting drunk in his honor.

Glass also announced that the Society would hold its second annual summer boozefest at the farm of Dr. Brokaw in Rocky Ridge. Dr. Brokaw, a founding member of the society, and well know veterinarian in the district, recently called for the banning of auto-cars on pubic thoroughfares, as they were a danger to people out riding their horses.

May 19 - "Dry Forces" Launch Campaign

A largely attended conference of temperance workers met at the YMCA in Frederick on Monday afternoon, and fired the first gun of the campaign, in the interest of making Frederick County dry. The campaign will be conducted under the name of "United Dry Forces, of Frederick County." The following have been chosen on the committee for the Emmitsburg district: W. D. Colliflower and Paul Winchester.

Wet Forces Almost Launch Counter Campaign

Upon hearing that the "Dry Forces" have launched their campaign to rob men of their God given right to enjoy the fruits of John Barleycorn, the Former Former Boozers Association held a emergency meeting at the Hotel Slagel’s bar to map out a strategy to defeat the nefarious "dry forces.’" In order to ensure a large turnout, word was put out that the first round of drinks would be "on the house."

Unfortunately for the Hotel Slagel, no one kept track of everyone’s first round - and with free booze an option - no Boozer was willing to admit that he already had his first round. By the time the hotel felt everyone had been served, the Boozer were too soused to remember why they had been called together. Instead of developing their counter strategy, the Boozers retreated to the Square where they sang ‘drinking’ songs and added to the volume of water in the fountain.

June 9 - Prohibitionist Rally

On Thursday afternoon, local members of the United Dry Forces of Frederick County held a rally on the Square calling for sale of liquor to be banned in Frederick County. At the conclusion of the rally, members sang Prohibitionist songs off-key while tossing pennies into the fountain in the forlorn hope of making their wish come true.

June 16 - Fountain Saves Boozer

Mead Mort, a member of the Former-Former Boozers Association narrowly escaped being burned Thursday night while trying to retrieve the pennies thrown into the Fountain by the Prohibitionist earlier that day. A thoroughly inebriate Mort grew frustrated when the matches he was using to spot the pennies went out when he placed then under the water to get a better view of the bottom of the fountain. In frustration, Mort made a torch out of straw, but the fire quickly grew out of control and Mort was only saved when he fell into the fountain, extinguishing the flame – but not before the light revealed 5 pennies – sufficient for a round in the Hotel Slagel’s bar.

July 14 - New Liquor Law Draws Ire of Boozers

A new liquor law for Maryland went into effect June 1. How it works seems to be troubling many people in the business. Each restaurant, in addition to the liquor license fee now required, shall pay an additional $100. To the tax now required of each wholesale liquor dealer, there is an additional $100. Naturally, the members of the Former-Former Boozers Association objected strenuously to the new law claiming the money will be used to fund the state’s effort to impose prohibition on hard working men. "If it weren’t for booze," said Dr. Shorb, "many Boozers would be forced to waste their evenings being henpecked by their wives. That $100 can buy a lot of booze, which can be put to good use lubricating the minds of men to solve the world’s problems. Only a woman could think this tax is a good idea!"

August 11 - Booze Is the Best Laxative

"To keep the bowels regular the best laxative is booze," said Dr. Shorb at the society’s monthly meeting at the Hotel Slagle’s saloon. "Drink a full glass of booze half an hour before each meal and eat an abundance of fruits and vegetables. If you do so, you can be assured your bowels will move every day, even if you are not awake to remember it. Booze is also good for treating all the ailments that effect hard working men – such as cholera, colic, diarrhea and nagging wives – although you may need a few extra shots to fully block the shrill voices of the latter. " Added the doctor.

August 25 - Boozers Sold to Junk Dealers

Junk dealers in town had been numerous this week. Five or six were here on Wednesday. Their purchases included decrepit motorcars, iron, rags, rubber and paper. Several wagon loads of the later commodities left town that day. Several wives of Former Former Boozers Association members showed up with passed out husbands and attempted to load them on one of the outgoing carts but were stopped by Squire Shuff. The women claimed that their husbands were useless – and therefore met the definition of ‘junk.’ The Boozers later celebrated their escape from the hands of their treacherous wives in the Hotel Slagle’s saloon.

September 8 - Boozers Hold Surprise Party

Members of the Former-Former Boozers Association held a surprise party for President Dan Shorb at the New Hotel Slagel's Bar Saturday night. Each member was supposed to bring their own bottle of booze, but many opted instead to mooch off of those who had brought bottles when they were not looking. The members toasted Shorb for his leadership of the organization in battling the nefarious suffragette movement over the past year. Shorb, who arrived at the party already inebriated, kept forgetting what the gathering was all about, resulting in the members repeating their toasts over and over again until the entire assembly had themselves forgotten why they were there. When all the bottles were empty the Boozers gathered around the fountain and generally made a nuisance of themselves until the early morning hours.

Oct 27 - Drys to Hold Rally On Square

The Dry Forces of Frederick County will hold an open-air meeting on the Square next Tuesday evening. Rev. Shipley of Buckytown will lecture and a large number of stereopticon slides will be shown. A general invitation is given to the public to be present.

Boozers to Hold Rally On Square

The Former-Former Boozers Association announced that they will hold a rally on the Square next Tuesday evening that will coincided with the Dry Forces’ rally. The Boozers are encouraging all members to bring out liberal amounts of their very best "hooch" and plan for an evening of "hooting and howling."

Oct 27 - The High Cost of Prohibition

Two weeks from today, on November 7, men will be called upon to state whether or not Frederick city, Emmitsburg Creagerstown, and Woodsboro shall close forever their solutions. These are the only places that are affected by the law. All the places that are now dry remain dry. Much has been said on both sides of the question. Remember always that you are not voting on statewide prohibition but merely local options.

To every sensible, serious minded man in Frederick County and particularly to you the farmers and businessmen of this county, who are the men of financial responsibility – the only men who bear the burden and meet the expenses of government, we asked you, independently of all other considerations, moral, sentimental or fanatical, to reflect over the figures and facts and then, before you vote, be true to yourself and your families and answer honestly and fairly this one question - "can I afford to pay the awful price of making Frederick County dry?"

November 3 - Boozer’s Rally Fizzles

The much anticipated Former-Former Boozer’s counter rally to the planned Prohibitionist rally on the square failed to materialize when the boozers, who had been encouraged to "bring their best hooch," started the rally early in the Hotel Slagel’s saloon. By the time the Prohibitionist rally began most Boozers were so inebriated that they were incapable of standing, let alone protesting. Those not inebriated used the opportunity to partake in the "hooch" of those passed out, forgetting completely about disrupting the prohibitionist rally outside. As it was, the logic of the women dominated Prohibitionist rally was enough to drive any right-minded man into the saloon to join the Boozers.

November 10 - Frederick County Is Dry

Complete returns from every district in Frederick County shows that prohibition won by a majority of 851. The votes for prohibition were 6,156, against 5,305. Wets carried seven districts - Llibertytown, Criegerstown, Petersbill, Emmitsburg, Johnsville, Mount Pleasant and Brunswick. The Dries carried the remaining 19 districts. Emmitsburg was a banner Wet district with 480 voting Wet and only 226 voting Dry. With Wednesday's results, there will not be a saloon along the National Pike after May 1, 1918 from Cumberland to Ellicott City.

From morning until evening large crowds were in town, but there was no disorder of any kind. From 7 until midnight a record crowd was in front of the Chronicle office, waiting for the returns. When the returns came in, tears could be seen in the eyes of most Boozers who defiantly insisted they would never give up the fruits of John Barleycorn.

1917

January 5 - Boozers Drink In New Year

Boozers turned out in force to "drink in" the New Year at the Hotel Slagel’s Bar. Between countless rounds, Boozers exchanged plans for building stills in the Mountains. At the tolling of the Lutheran Church bell, the Boozers spilled out into the Square where they proceeded to make sure everyone in the town knew their opinion of what they thought of prohibition. The Boozers then broke into their favorite drinking songs and made a general nuisance of themselves until the early morning hours in front of the homes of the women who had browbeaten their spineless husbands into voting to take away their god given and constitutional right to drink.

January 5 - Discovers Pot Of Gold

Samuel Klein of Harney, uprooted last week an old stump in a field on his farm, and found beneath an earthen jar filled with money. The jar contained gold, silver and greenbacks to the value of $1,344. The money was principally of the date of 1882. It is thought it was put in the earthen pot about 30 years ago and hid beneath a large chestnut tree that then stood on the farm now owned by Mr. Klein. All the money is in a good state of preservation, the gold and silver being untarnished and the bill showing no ware.

January 12 - Boozers Celebrate Pot Of Gold

The discovery by Former Former Boozer Samuel Kline last week of a pot of gold finally blew away the melancholy mood that had occupied the superior minds of the members of the Former Former Boozers Association following the victory of the Prohibitionists in the recent election. Boozers turned out in force to celebrate Klein’s good luck. A Boozer was chosen at random to reach into the pot and withdraw a coin or bill without looking – the number of rounds bought was based upon what was pulled. Upon hearing of her husband’s actions, Mrs. Kline, along with local nefarious members of the prohibitionist and Suffragette movement, stormed into the bar and retrieved the pot. Thoroughly inebriated Boozers were in no condition to battle the member of the weaker sex, nor did they really care, as at the time every Boozer had almost 9 drinks in front of them to consume.

February 16 - Frederick To Revive Whipping Post

The revival of the whipping post, the registry of purchasers of revolvers, the utilization of convict labor and the elimination of street corner loafing were among the recommendations made Wednesday by the Frederick County Grand Jury to the Frederick County Commissioners. The whipping post was suggested for the numerous petty cases, including wife beating, drunkenness, etc. it is expected that the County Commissioners will look favorably upon these recommendations in hopes of addressing the growing drinking "epidemic" in the northern part of the county.

February 23 - Boozer’s Wives’ Endorse Wiping

Wives’ of Former-Former Boozers rallied on the Square Sunday calling for the Frederick County to endorse whipping for public drunkenness and suggested that Emmitsburg alone could keep the whip hot. The rally was led by Anna Kline of Harney, whose husband spent the jar of cash discovered in their field last month buying round-after-round for Boozers all month long. "I’ve nagged and nagged that man better then any women can nag a man, but he still will not listen." she told the assembled crowd of whining prohibitionist. "Maybe a good whipping with a ‘cat-o-nine’ tail will get through to him."

Boozers sat impassionedly on the steps of the Hotel Slagle, passing around a bottle, trying to ignore the women. But apparently, calling for whipping was one thing, subjecting the men to the singing of prohibitionist songs was too much. Cat calls of "stop beating those cats," and ‘put some grease on those bearings," soon put an end to the prohibitionist rally, and the men returned to their God given, constitutional, right drink all they wanted.

April 13 - Boozers Rally To Support War Booze Tax

Following the announcement from Washington that the Administration will be taxing booze to help pay for war preparations, members of the Former Former Boozers Association held a rally on the square calling for every able body man in town to support the funding call by drinking as much booze as they could every day. Boozer President Dan Shorb said that the county should immediately repeal the impending start of prohibition, warning that the loss of tax revenue from end of booze sales played into the hands of the Germans and could undermine the war effort. "Those too old to fight," Shorb said to a thoroughly enumerated audience, ‘should do there part by drinking for victory."

June 29 - Boozer’s Protest Probation Elements Of Food Bill

Members of the Former Former Boozers Association turned out on force Thursday night on the Square protesting current wording in the National Food Bill now before the Senate, prohibiting the use of all grains for the production of fermented liquors and beer. The speakers lucidly pointed out that just last month the Government had instituted a tax on alcohol consumption to help fund the war effort. The speakers pointed to the thoroughly inebriated crowd and congratulated them doing their upmost to raise as much tax revenue as possible. Nearly drowned out by boos and chants of "down with suffragettes," the speakers warned that if the Food Law prohibiting the production of alcohol products was passed, the German’s would soon be marching down Main Street. Upon conclusion of the speeches, the Boozers retreated into the Hotel Slagel’s Saloon and went to work generating tax revenue for the war effort.

August 3 - Boozer Protest Prohibition Amendment

When word was heard that the Senate was considering a resolution proposing an amendment to the Constitution of the United States providing for prohibition, the members of the Former Former Boozers turned out in force on the Square to protest the amendment. Said one boozer: "Here we are at war to defend our right to make our own choices, and yet the nut heads in Washington want to strip that right from us. I’ve half a mind to root for the Germans – if they win, at least we’ll know the national drink will be beer!" Following the protest, the boozers assembled in front of the house of the notorious Sufferget and Prohibitionist Mrs. Andrew Annan where they emptied their bladders on Mrs. Annon’s prized flower garden.

September 7 - Re-opening Of Women’s Exchange

In response to the gracious and much appreciated demand of many friends and patrons, the woman's Exchange will reopen on Saturday. This demand, the committee said, is very timely; for the library needs funds where written to pay for new books just ordered. People have been good enough to say that, in many instances, they have had to rely upon the Exchange for delicious pastries and for very attractive and useful articles in hand embroidery. This is gratifying to the committee and argues well for a successful season.

September 14 - Boozer Tries To Exchange Wife

Samuel Welty, a charter member of the Former Former Boozer’s Association, showed up at the opening of the Women’s Exchange and attempted to exchange his wife Emma for a new wife. The matrons of the Exchange were less than polite in informing Mr. Welty that that was not the purpose of the Exchange. A thoroughly inebriated Welty cursed the organizers for misleading advertising and said that if they "really wanted to raise funds for the library they should allow men to exchange their womenfolk for women who would not interfere with a man’s constitutional rights to drink."

Nov 16 - Boozers’ Stuck With Liquor For Troops

The movement of troops from their camp at Gettysburg and the lifting of the Federal order on Friday which stopped the sale of liquor within a half-mile of the camp, closing all of Gettysburg hotels’ bars, threw a real loop into the plans of the Former Former Boozers to cash in on the troops’ unquenchable thrust for John Barleycorn. Stills in the area have been going full tilt for the past two weeks, taking up much of the areas prized corn, and the first shipment of "hooch" was being readied for delivery. A meeting was held at the Hotel Slagel’s saloon to decide how best to utilize the excess booze. The results of the meeting were not available before this edition of the chronicle was printed.

November 23 - Boozers' Corn Squeezing Contest

We apologize for this paper being issued a day late. On Friday, just as we were getting ready to go to press, the Chronicle office was inundated by Former Former Boozers bringing into our office their corn squeezing for us to judge. A table was set up outside our offices and all the honorable men of the town were invited to join in the judging. Apparently this was the option taken by the Boozer last week to dispose of their excess hooch. Some on the entries were as smooth has honey, others tasted like gasoline, but all has the same effect – killing any motivation we had to get the paper out. After our tenth sampling round we found ourselves on the Square entertaining ignoring please from disgusted wives, girlfriends and on looking suffragettes with obscene drinking songs and generally made a nuance of ourselves into the early hours on Saturday. So please excuse any spelling errors in the paper as we are in no condition to catch them this morning.

Dec 14 - Send Your Soldiers Lucky Strike Cigarettes

Send your soldier boy a box of cigarettes for Christmas. There is nothing better for his health then Lucky Strike cigarettes. Each box contains twelve packs ready for mailing at Matthew store. For under a dollar a box, you can send him a present he will treasure.

December 21 - Boozer’s Send Booze To Troops

In response to last week’s notice encouraging people to send cigarettes to the boys oversees, the Former Former Boozers collected and packaged ‘hooch’ for the troops in hopes of getting it to them by New Years. "There is no better way to ward off the effects of cold weather than a smoke and a good drink." Said Dan Shorb, President of the Boozers. "We owe it to our boys to make sure they are well provisioned to withstand the weather on the front." As if to prove their point, during Wednesday’s near record cold, the Boozer’s imbibed heavily as they packaged the booze for the troops – resulting in more being consumed here then being shipped ‘Over There.’

1918

January 25 - Boozers Thwart Closing Of Hotel Slagel Saloon

Members of the Former Former Boozers Association refused to leave the Hotel Slagel’s Saloon to allow it to close at noon in accordance with the recently issued requirements from the Fuel Administrator in Washington, in order to save fuel for the war effort. The Boozers protested loudly that the saloon was the only place they could drink without listening to the non-stop nagging of their women folk. "I’d rather be stuck in a trench on the front lines then listen to my wife screech all day to me about needing to fix the roof or chop wood," said one boozer. Other Boozers question the need to heat the saloon – "Pack enough of us in here, and give us enough hooch, and before you know it this place is plenty warm and our blood sufficiently provides us, for the temperature outside can drop to 100 degrees below and we would never know!" Burgess Annan’s attempt to talk them out of the saloon ended after his third shot of Dan Shorb’s special mountain mix.

June 14 - Partial Eclipse Of The Sun

Many residents of Emmitsburg, between the hours of 6:30 and 7:30 on Saturday evening, viewed the interesting spectacle of a partial eclipse of the sun. When the Earth entered the moon’s shadow, a black speck appeared at the lower edge of the sun's surface. This gradually increased in size until 7:30 when the sun had the appearance of an inverted crescent. According to reliable sources, members of the Former Former Boozer’s Association, who were getting soused at their secret lair in the Mountain, attributed the darkness brought about by the eclipse to a better-than-usual quality of hooch they were sampling, and bid the price up on it. Dan Shorb, the provider of the hooch, was long gone with his ill-gotten haul when the sun came back out and the Boozers realized his swill was nothing more then the usual rock gut they are forced to drink these days due to war restrictions and uppity womenfolk who have forgotten their rightful place.

July 19 - Boozers Call For Prohibition Against Women Drivers

The Former Former Boozers Association has responded to Dr. Jamison’s car accident by rallying for a law to prohibit women drivers in Emmitsburg. "I don’t know a single member of our association that can’t drive better, fully loaded from a night of drinking ‘shine,’ than a sober woman," said Boozer President John Shorb, at the Association’s top secret still on the Mountain. "Women just don’t have the mental capacity, or the attention span, to handle the complexities of driving. We would all be a lot safer if women just stayed at home and did what they were made for: clean the house, wash clothes, and cook vittles for their hard working menfolk. Trust me," Shorb continued to the cheers of the assembled drunks, "…if we don’t stop them here, one day women will be asking us to listen to them when they talk, something no self-respecting man should ever do!" Shorb’s speech met with three rousing cheers, each followed by a round of drinks. Mayor Annan agreed with Shorb’s prediction and said he will work with the town council to prohibit women driving within the corporate limits of the town.

August 23 - Must Not Use Gasoline

The Fuel Administration called upon the public in the states to cease using all classes of automobiles, with a few named exceptions on Sundays, until further notice as a gasoline conservation measure. Only voluntary compliance with a letter and spirit of the request will prevent the issuance of a mandatory order prohibiting the use of gasoline on Sunday.

Motor vehicles to which the restrictions do not apply include tractors and motor trucks employed in actual transportation of freight, vehicles of physicians, used in performance of professional duties, ambulances, fire apparatus, police wagons and undertaker conveyances used for funerals. In addition, motor vehicles on errands of necessity in rural communities where transportation by steam or electricity is not available are also excluded from the prohibition.

This action by the Fuel Administration was taken to meet a threatened shortage of gasoline for shipment overseas, created by increased domestic demand and extensive military operations in France. The appeal is made, therefore, to the people of the United States during the next few weeks as a necessity and practical act of patriotism.

August 30 - Hooch For Fuel?

Dr. Brokaw, newly elected President of the Former Former Boozers Association, has sent a letter to Congress recommending that the Government drop its proposed tax on whiskey and instead promote ‘White Lightning’ as a replacement for gasoline. "Anyone who has ever tasted the hooch coming off the mountain knows it carries more punch than gasoline," Dr. Brokow stated. "On more than one occasion when I needed to get to an emergency call, I would pour some of my stock into my trusty runabout and it would race down the road like a Boozer running from a deranged wife out to get his hard-earned money. Given the number of stills in the mountain, we could produce enough fuel for all of our needs, and still have enough for hard-working men seeking to escape nagging wives to enjoy."

Sept 6 - Women Approved To Deliver Mail

The first woman letter carrier of the Post Office was appointed today in Frederick over the objection of male letter carriers. The appointment was the first evidence of the recently announced determination to put women letter carriers at work to meet war conditions. Several months ago the city Post Office put two women letter carriers to work, but after a two-week trial the women were withdrawn. According to the male carriers, the women were fired because they spent too much time gabbing and not enough time doing real work.

September 20 - Boozers Protest Women Mail Carriers

Members of the Former-Former Boozers Association protested outside the Emmitsburg Post Office to resist the plans by the Post Office to hire women mail carriers. John Shorb reflected the views of many when he said that the work was too complex for the feeble brains of women folk. "My wife can barely get my evening vittles right," Shorb said, "I can’t imagine her trying to figure out how to sort mail and get it to the right person." Newly elected Boozer President Dr. Brokow pointed out that the job would require them to drive autocars, noting that over the past twelve months he "had to shoot fourteen cars because of inept women drivers." "How many more cars will I be forced to shoot if we unleash female carriers on rural mail routes? Autocars deserve better," Brokow said as the roars of the drunks assembled.

December 12 - Emmitsburg Motor Car Co. Sued

A suit has been brought by George Sander of Freedom Township and member of the Former-Former Boozer Association, against the Emmitsburg Motor Car Company, in which damages of $2,000 are claimed. The action grows out of a collision between an automobile, sold by the Emmitsburg Motor Car Co. to Miss Rebecca Shorb and a team driven by Mr. Sanders who was returning from his mountain still with a prized haul of his ‘Mountain Thunder.’

Mr. Sanders, citing evidence recently published by the University of Harney that women’s brains did not have sufficient capacity to master the art of driving, feels that the Emmitsburg Motor Car Company should not have sold Miss Shorb the car. "By selling a car to a woman," Mr. Sanders said, "they have endangered all hard working men who have to use the roads to make a living, and thus are liable for any damage they produce. Women should stick to their proper roles – namely cooking, cleaning and taking care of youngins, and leave complex tasks that require thinking to men."

The suit has brought much attention as Miss Shorb’s lawyer has challenged the legitimacy of Emmitsburg Justice of the Peace Schuff’s hearing the case, as Squire Shuff is rumored to be part owner of the Sander’s still.

1919

January 24 - Boozers Hold Anti-Prohibition Rally

Wailing and whining was heard throughout Emmitsburg upon the news that Nebraska had passed the Prohibition amendment, making it the 36th state to do so, and thereby officially outlawing booze. Members of the Former Former Boozers Association held a rally that night on the square condemning the amendment stating that no woman had the right to take away a man’s God given right to lubricate his mind when and where he should choose. The members voted to triple the production of their stills during the upcoming year, before Prohibition takes effect, to ensure a ready supply is available until such time as men put women back into their rightful position and overturn the amendment. Mayor Annan, meanwhile, stated that once prohibition takes place, he would not support any effort by revenuers to shut down stills of hard working men.

March 17 - Dies From Cranking Car

Exerting and cranking his autocar caused Theodore Bollinger’s death, according to a coroner’s jury. The strain resulted in a violation of the heart and he died ten minutes later. After three years of being nagged by his wife, Mr. Bollinger finally broke down and traded in his trusty horse Luke, who had served him faithfully for twenty years, for a Ford Run About. Mr. Bollinger had often told friends that his wife’s nagging would be the death of him – apparently he was right. As Mrs. Bollinger is herself unable to crank the car, the car was returned to the Emmitsburg Motor Car Company and Luke is once again in his old stall in the Bollinger stable.

March 14 - Waives Hearing

Mrs. Frank Kaiser of Harney, who killed her husband by shooting him through a closed door several weeks ago, has returned to her home this week from the Sykesville sanitarium, and has waived hearing of her case. The case now awaits the action of the Grand Jury, which meets in May.

Public sentiment of women folk in the area is that Mr. Kaiser, a member of the Former Former Boozers Association, had it coming to him, as he was constantly spending money on booze needed for the upkeep of their home, and that no woman should have to put up with that. Mrs. Annan, head of the Emmitsburg Chapter of the Loyal Temperance Legion, said that the shooting of Mr. Kaiser should serve as a wake-up call for the drunks in town to get their act in order. Mayor Annan, when told of his wife's comment as he was headed into the Hotel Slagle’s saloon, refused to comment. The newly formed Emmitsburg Branch of the Loyal Temperance Legion, comprised mostly of wives of members of the Former Former Boozers Association, is dedicated to stopping the flow of booze in Emmitbsurg. The Legion will hold twice monthly meetings at the Reformed Church.

April 18 - Boozer’s Propose Emmitsburg Secede From U.S.

Citing President Wilson’s 14-point peace plan, which calls on nations to allow ethnic minorities to secede and form their own nations, members of the Former Former Boozers’ Association voted overwhelmingly for Emmitsburg to secede from America. Once independent, the Boozers said they would rescind prohibition, and with it, predicted it would then be a ‘wet’ island in a sea of ‘dry’ states, the town would attract right-thinking men from far and wide eager to spend money to taste the sweet ‘shine’ produced in the local Mountains. "We will be so awash in cash," one boozer said, "that we’ll be able to send our nagging wives anywhere they want to go! And the longer they stay away, the better. Emmitsburg will be a man’s paradise!" Debate on design of Emmitsburg’s new flag was put off until the next meeting to allow the Boozers to get down to some serious drinking.

August 7 - May War On Tobacco

An extensive campaign has been conducted in New York to learn to what extent, and whether or not there is a movement to make war on the raising, selling and use of tobacco. It is thought that the Woman's Christian Temperance Union is quietly working against tobacco, and it was also thought that they are the same Anti-Saloon League forces that put through the temperance bill. No particular evidence has been found to make the assertion positive. Like it or not, tobacco will be fought sooner or later.

August 14 - Boozers Rally At Proposed Tobacco Restrictions

‘Weaser’ Shorb was the keynote speaker at a special meeting of the Former Former Boozers Association at the Hotel Slagle, which was called in response to the ludicrous proposal by self-centered women to restrict a man’s accesses to tobacco. To the hoots and howls of the boozers, "Weazer,’ between coughing fits, credited his life long use of tobacco to the creation of the odor that has allowed him to avoid the pitfalls of marriage. On the more serious side, Dr. Jameson told the Boozers, "smoking was in fact good for men," pointing out that all successful men were smokers. "On the other hand," said Dr. Jameson, "it is apparent that women are incapable of benefiting from smoking." He then went on to challenge the Boozers to name just one woman they knew who smoked who was "not a washed up only nag that looked like death warmed over."

Real Farmerettes

Miss Margaret Newman of Waynesboro and Miss Beulah Weldon of New York have taken charge of a farm near Emmitsburg where they will engage in practical farming. These two farmerettes have been associated together in settlement work in New York for the past several years and have now decided to enter a new field of activity.

August 28 - Boozers Revel At Farmerettes

Emmitsburg’s new farmerettes were the source of much amusement to members of the Former Former Boozers who spent Monday afternoon watching the pair try to start a tractor on their farm. The women eventually called Dan Glass over to help. Dan immediately identified that poor quality gas was the cause. Soliciting ‘hooch’ from Boozers, he quickly got the tracker running nice and right, telling the women they needed to treat their tractor like a man, always ensuring it had a good steady supply of hooch. On their return to town, Dan admitted the problem really was that the women had failed to turn the starter switch on, but he could not pass up an opportunity to teach some upstart women the importance of hooch in a man’s everyday life.

September 26 -  Farmerettes Destroy Boozer’s Still

A silent vigil was held in Emmitsburg Saturday night when word reached the members of the Former Former Boozers that the still of Jack "stinky" Deathridge had been found by Emmitsburg’s new Farmerettes in the woods on their property and destroyed. Word was that the girls had gotten wind of the still by the smell Deathridge would leave as he crossed their property, even when the wind was blowing away from their house. Upon hearing of his stills’ demise, Deathridge broke down in tears, claiming the old land owner had allowed him to locate the still on the property and he saw no need to ask some upstart women folk if it was still ok. "No kin of mine will ever ask a women for permission to do anything, If they do, that rumble you ill feel will be me rolling over in my grave." Said Deatheridge. During the vigil, Boozers drank what remained of the still’s ‘rotgut’ until such time as no one could recall what they were mourning.

October 3 - Boozer’s Rocked Romance

The membership of the Former-Former Boozers association were rocked by the revelation that Jack "Stinky" Deatheridge has been in a secret romance with one of Emmitsburg’s new lady farmerettes. When confronted by his fellow Boozers, Deatheridge defended the illicit romance by stating that he was simply following his natural God given duty by providing the farmerette what every woman needed – a man to "cook and clean up after." "For without that," Deatheridge said, "women folk waste their limited mental capacity thinking up useless things like prohibition and suffrage." Deatheridge went on to blame the success of the prohibition movement on men who picked up after themselves as opposed to letting their womenfolk do it.

November 28 - Public Sale

As a result of pending divorce from my useless wife, on December 4, I will offer a public sale of the following: A black mare-four years old, who, unlike my wife, will work anywhere. She is a good driver, unlike my wife, who spent more time running off the road then staying on the road.

Fourteen head of cattle - six milk cows, a Holstein cow will be fresh in February. Five heifers weighing about 600 pounds, slightly less than my wife, and a steer weighing about 600 pounds, who’s rear end is a sight prettier then my soon to be ex-wife. Nine head of hogs – six weighing about 40 pounds, three fat hogs that eat just like my wife. 30 chickens – who like my wife - cackle non-stop about nothing.

Farming implements: New Weber wagon, 3-inch tread, 3 ton capability, good wagon bed; set of hay carriages, 18-feet long, good and new; corn plow, good as new; a host of gardening equipment, all new because my useless wife is too lazy to use any of them. Lots of harnesses, blacksmith forge, cream separator in good condition, and coal stove. Lots of homemade brooms - never used because my wife spends too much time on the party line to clean the house. Many articles not herein mentioned. Signed Jacob Boyd

December 5 - Public Sale

As a result of my pending divorce from my Former-Former Boozer husband, on December 7, I will offer at public sale the following: A twelve-year-old mule, who, like my husband, is as stubborn as they come. A nice old goat, who unlike the old goat I am unfortunately currently married to, does not have a week’s worth of food stuck in his beard. A portable pig-sty which resembles any room my husband has been in; a year’s worth of fire wood, some pieces as think as my dimwitted husband; a whiskey still, freshly holed with buckshot; 100 one-gallon jugs, freshly emptied of the whiskey that my husband preferred over doing a honest day’s worth of work; and, a towel my husband will cry in once he reads this notice and discovers what I have done with his precious “hooch”. Signed Becky Boyd

December 12 - Alcohol Burned

A car attached to a Baltimore and Ohio Railroad fast freight, containing a full load of barreled alcohol, caught fire near Thurmont. The consignment was in route from New Orleans to Newark, New Jersey for foreign shipment. The flames were discovered when the train stopped for refueling. It was detached from the rest of the train in order to avoid spreading the flames. Upon hearing the news local bars emptied as patrons raced to the scene, with buckets, intent to reduce the source feeding the fire by carrying away as much booze as they could carry. It is reported a lively time was had by all.

Read Prior '100 Years Ago this Month'