Well, now that you've found out that they are moving, here's some bon voyage lines you can send them:

• It would have been nice not knowing you
• Have a bad one
• We'll really miss you -not
• Life will never be the same without you. Now we can get some sleep.
• Thanks for all the things you haven't done. What you did was enough.
• Please keep the chainsaw. Use it on someone else.
• You have really been the best - at adding dis to orderly.
• You qualify as the junk in the mailbox.
• We'd love to have you visit - here's our address in Siberia.
• So you're going to a new neighbourhood? Remember - their loss is our gain.
• Goodbye - we hear Alcatraz has an excellent school.
• The crime rate has gone down, thanks to the number of times we had to call the cops.
• Thanks for being such bad neighbours. I worried so much I didn't have to diet to lose weight, didn't have to add extra bran to my food, never had to buy alcohol (there was always enough in the air), always knew the latest hits, and going to work became a lot more pleasurable.
• Goodbye, and good luck in terrorizing some new neighbors.
• You're moving? Please don't touch a thing. We'll clean it up. (Horror films start shooting in a week)
• Goodbye and bad luck.

• The big spin-off from today's technology is apprehension
• Some people are neatly divided between 'human' and 'being'
• A poor tale oft told is this year's commercial break
• Mediocrity is fine if you're prepared to excel at it.
• We might decide where we are going, but we can never know what is in store
• All equipment has two functions: To serve, and be serviced.
• The more we waste time the more it wastes us.
• Procrastination is one of the true pleasures of the overworked.
• Being a woman is only a small part of being a person
• Postponing all unpleasant things is fine if done without breaks
• If only quiz shows created an audience of questioners
• One rotten apple makes all today's harvest unconstitutional
• We are nothing but a whole collection of private experiences
• In the country of the mad, sanity is the first casuality
• I am the complete professional - while no one is looking.
• It takes at least two optimists to lift up one confirmed pessimist
• There's nothing like being tired to have to stay awake
• If you can succeed at success you will fail at failure
• The love of God is easily supplanted by the love of money
• Love is never passive. It is always kinetic
• No one is perfect, but some of us are more perfect than others
• When all else has failed, a little talent is good for one's amusement
• Our government is only as good as we are induced to believe
• The present is us continually catching up with the future.
• In a cross section of life on earth, we'd find it mostly going on.
• The silver lining of today's clouds is plastic
• Hurry is the curse of the talking class and the balm of the thoughtless
• Blood may be thicker than water, but it's a lot thinner than money
• The love of money may be wrong, but greed has incentive
• The future does not get less complicated, it only asks more questions
• The easier way always presents itself after the job is done
• Success is the best way society has of staying in business
• Snobbishness is just a thin veneer for ignorance
• Prettier Packages Protect Poorer Products
• Most of us use our quota of genius by age one.
• Never be caught with your expression down
• Canute was a genius, Midas a conglomerate.
• The science of destruction is like nature: No sentiment
• Rather let cakes burn than inspiration perish
• Force bends and breaks; tolerance and understanding rectifies
• Some people's idea of keeping fit is to exercise their stupidity
• Never employ someone who has already reached their level of incompetence
• The ability to do must be preceded by the ability to think
• There is no such thing as a dynamic ritual
• Never have so many kept so few in such luxury
• I'd tread the straight and narrow, but the gates are closed
• It is only others who ever become irrational
• The middle class is the filling in society's sandwich, between the upper crust and the crumbs

Read take 1 of 21st Century Sayings

• Humor makes the mind go round.
• A joke a day keeps the therapist at bay.
• Laughing with your enemy makes for peace.
• Laughing at your enemy makes for war.
• Start off each day with a laugh.
• The devil doesn't do humor.
• You can always teach an old dog a new joke.
• Humor makes time happy.
• Never laugh at another's misfortunes. They may return the disfavor.
• A false laugh betrays a false soul.
• Lovers love a laugh.
• The big picture is best framed by good humor.
• Beware the person who does not smile. They would have you as unhappy as themselves.
• Believing you are superior means you do not know what makes the other person laugh.
• There's many a laugh twixt the lip and the quip.
• Everyone is 99.9% identical. Laugh gloriously about that instead of killing over the 0.1%

• The big spin-off from today's technology is apprehension
• Some people are neatly divided between 'human' and 'being'
• A poor tale oft told is this year's commercial break
• Mediocrity is fine if you're prepared to excel at it.
• We might decide where we are going, but we can never know what is in store
• All equipment has two functions: To serve, and be serviced.
• The more we waste time the more it wastes us.
• Procrastination is one of the true pleasures of the overworked.
• Being a woman is only a small part of being a person
• Postponing all unpleasant things is fine if done without breaks
• If only quiz shows created an audience of questioners
• One rotten apple makes all today's harvest unconstitutional
• We are nothing but a whole collection of private experiences
• In the country of the mad, sanity is the first causality
• I am the complete professional - while no one is looking.
• It takes at least two optimists to lift up one confirmed pessimist
• There's nothing like being tired to have to stay awake
• If you can succeed at success you will fail at failure
• The love of God is easily supplanted by the love of money
• Love is never passive. It is always kinetic
• No one is perfect, but some of us are more perfect than others
• When all else has failed, a little talent is good for one's amusement
• Our government is only as good as we are induced to believe
• The present is us continually catching up with the future.
• In a cross section of life on earth, we'd find it mostly going on.
• The silver lining of today's clouds is plastic
• Hurry is the curse of the talking class and the balm of the thoughtless
• Blood may be thicker than water, but it's a lot thinner than money
• The love of money may be wrong, but greed has incentive
• The future does not get less complicated, it only asks more questions
• The easier way always presents itself after the job is done
• Success is the best way society has of staying in business
• Snobbishness is just a thin veneer for ignorance
• Prettier Packages Protect Poorer Products
• Most of us use our quota of genius by aged one.
• Never be caught with your expression down
• Canute was a genius, Midas a conglomerate.
• The science of destruction is like nature: No sentiment
• Rather let cakes burn than inspiration perish
• Force bends and breaks; tolerance and understanding rectifies
• Some people's idea of keeping fit is to exercise their stupidity
• Never employ someone who has already reached their level of incompetence
• The ability to do must be preceded by the ability to think
• There is no such thing as a dynamic ritual
• Never have so many kept so few in luxury
• I'd tread the straight and narrow, but the gates are closed
• It is only others who ever become irrational
• The middle class is the filling in society's sandwich, between the upper crust and the crumbs

• Prince Charles got married.
• Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe
• Australia lost the Ashes tournament.
• Pope shot.

Year: 2005

• 1. Prince Charles got married.
• 2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe
• 3. Australia lost the Ashes tournament.
• 4. Pope died.

In the future, if Prince Charles decides to remarry, somebody please warn the Pope!

When he arrived, he greeted the doctor and asked, "How bad is she?"

He replied, "Well, not good. She's in a consistent vegetative state that she will never come out of. And your insurance only covers her for ten days, so after that, you're on your own."

The man begins to cry. Then he asks, "How am I going to pay for all of the medications and equipment?"

The doctor said, "Well unless you have a hundred thousand tucked away somewhere, you are probably going to have to sell your home and live in a trailer and work two jobs to pay for the qualified nurses who will have to take care of her."

The doctor looks at the man, who is now sobbing at his feet, and says, "Got 'ya - I'm just kidding. She's dead."

• Smart man + smart woman = romance
• Smart man + dumb woman = affair
• Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
• Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

Office arithmetic

• Smart boss + smart employee = profit
• Smart boss + dumb employee = production
• Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
• Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

Shopping math

• A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
• A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

General equations & statistics

• A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
• A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
• A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
• A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Happiness

• To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
• To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

Longevity

• Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

Propensity to change

• A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
• A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

Discussion technique

• A woman has the last word in any argument.
• Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

The three substances found were toothpaste, deodorant, and soap which have been banned by French authorities for over 75 years.

Armstrong's girlfriend, American rocker Sheryl Crowe, is quoted as saying "We use them every day in America, so we naturally thought they'd be ok throughout Europe."

Along with these three banned substances, French authorities also physically searched Armstrong and found several other interesting items that they had never seen before, including a backbone and a testicle.

This stuns the priest who thought he had been very polite but he just goes on. He encounters a Brother a little while later along the way and he says, "Good morning Brother." The Brother replies in a sing song voice, "You got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning." The priest looks confused at all this but goes on.

He gets a little farther and he comes across a fellow priest and he says, "Good morning Father." the priest replies in a sing song manner, "You got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning."

Now the priest was mad. He continues his walk to the dinning hall not saying a word to anyone. The Bishop sees him and says, "Father ..." The young priest was not going to take any more even from the bishop. He looks at the bishop and says, "No I did not get up on the wrong side of the bed this morning."

The bishop looks at him stunned and says "What?"

The priest realized his mistake and said "I am sorry your holiness, what is it you want."

The bishop looks at him and says, "All I was going to do was ask you why you had on Sister Ann's shoes?"

• Your annual breast exam is done at Hooters.
• Directions to your Doctor's office include "Take a left when you enter the trailer park"
• The tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles
• The only proctologist in the plan is "Gus" from Roto-Rooter.
• The only item listed under Preventative Care Coverage is "An apple a day."
• Your primary care physician is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month.
• "The patient is responsible for 200% of out of network charges," is not a typographical error.
• The only expense covered 100% is "embalming."
• Your Prozac comes in different colors with little M's on them.

And the number one sign you've joined a very cheap health care plan:

• You ask for Viagra, and they give you a Popsicle stick and duct tape.

The fairy godmother replied "it is the least that I can do. What do you want for your second wish?"

Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said, "I wish I were young and full of the beauty and youth I once had."

At once, her wish became reality, and her beautiful young visage returned. Cinderella felt stirrings inside of her that had been dormant for years.

And then the fairy godmother spoke once more: "You have one more wish; what shall it be?"

Cinderella looks over to the frightened cat in the corner and says, "I wish for you to transform Bob, my old cat, into a kind and handsome young man."

Magically, Bob suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biological make-up that, when he stood before her, he was a man so beautiful the likes of him neither she nor the world had ever seen.

The fairy godmother said, "Congratulations, Cinderella, enjoy your new life. With a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, the fairy godmother was gone as suddenly as she appeared. For a few eerie moments, Bob and Cinderella looked into each other's eyes. Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most beautiful, stunningly perfect man she had ever seen.

Then Bob walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, & held her close in his young muscular arms. He leaned in close, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath as he whispered...

"Bet you're sorry you neutered me."

"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?"

"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."

"That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?'

"Twenty-six," he said.

As the shopkeepers heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's on her level and asks, "Do you mean a widdle white wabbit, or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabbit, or maybe one like that cute bwown wabbit over there?"

She in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees and says, in a tiny, quiet voice, "I don't think mt pet python weally gives a thit."

The lady then explained she needed it to poison her husband. The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, "Lord, have mercy -- I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law!

I'll lose my license, they'll throw both of us in jail and all kinds of

bad things will happen! Absolutely not, you can NOT have any cyanide!" The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well, now. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

Thank you for calling Pizza Barn!