1. You are competing in a race, and overtake the runner in second place. In which position are you now?

Answer: If you answered that you're now coming first then you're completely wrong. You overtook the second runner and took their place, therefore you're coming second.

For the next question try not to be so dim.

2. If you overtake the last runner, what position are you now in?

Answer: If you answered second-last, once again you're completely wrong. Think about it...How can you over take the person coming last? If you're behind them then they can't be last. The answer is impossible!! It would appear that thinking is not one of your strong points. You would make a good weak link!!!

Anyway, here's another to try, don't take any notes or use a calculator, and remember your replies must be instantaneous. Take heart!!

3. Take 1000. Add 40. Add another 1000. Add 30. 1000 again. Plus 20. Plus 1000. And plus 10. What is the total?

Answer: 5000??? Wrong again!!!! The correct answer is 4100. Try again with a good calculator. Today is clearly not your day!! Although you should manage to get the last question right...

4. Marie's father has five daughters:

1. Chacha
2. Cheche
3. Chichi
4. Chocho
5. ????

Question: What is the fifth daughter's name? Think quickly...you'll find the answer below...

Answer: Chuchu??? WRONG! It's obviously Marie! Read the question properly!

You are clearly the weakest link....GOODBYE!

• COPIER: Female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up. Because it is an effective reproductive device when the right buttons are pushed. Because it can wreak havoc when the wrong buttons are pushed.
• HAMMER: Male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.
• HOT AIR BALLOON: Male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a fire under it ... and, of course, there's the hot air part.
• HOURGLASS: Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.
• REMOTE CONTROL: Female...Ha!...you thought I'd say ! male. But consider, it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.
• SHOE: Male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out.
• SPONGES: Female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain water.
• SUBWAY: Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.
• SWISS ARMY KNIFE: Male, because even though it appears useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles.
• TIRE: Male, because it goes bald and often is over-inflated.
• WEB PAGE: Female, because it is always getting hit on.
• ZIPLOC BAGS: Male, because they hold everything in, but you can always see right through them.

• Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
• Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
• Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
• Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
• Why is a boxing ring square?
• Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?
• Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
• Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?
• Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
• Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
• Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
• Why is the third hand on the watch called second hand?
• Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
• Why is the word dictionary in the dictionary?
• Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?
• Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
• Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance that little indestructible black box is?
• Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
• Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?

• DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted part you were drying.
• WIRE WHEEL: Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to say, "Ouch...."
• ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning steel pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age
• PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads.
• HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
• VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
• OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your garage on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside a brake drum you're trying to get the bearing race out of.
• WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes.
• HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering a motorcycle to the ground after you have installed your new front disk brake setup, trapping the jack handle firmly under the front fender.
• EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering a motorcycle upward off a hydraulic jack.
• TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters.
• PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbor to see if he has another hydraulic floor jack.
• SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog-do off your boot.
• E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool that snaps off in bolt holes and is ten times harder than any known drill bit.
• TIMING LIGHT: A stroboscopic instrument for illuminating grease buildup.
• TWO-TON HYDRAULIC ENGINE HOIST: A handy tool for testing the tensile strength of ground straps and brake lines you may have forgotten to disconnect.
• CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A large motor mount prying tool that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end without the handle.
• BATTERY ELECTROLYTE TESTER: A handy tool for transferring sulfuric acid from a car battery to the inside of your toolbox after determining that your battery is dead as a doornail, just as you thought.
• AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw.
• TROUBLE LIGHT: The mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under motorcycles at night. Health benefits aside, it's main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading.
• PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; can also be used, as the name implies, to round off Phillips screw heads.
• AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last tightened 40 years ago by someone in Sindelfingen, and rounds them off.
• PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
• HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses 1/2 inch too short.
• HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive parts not far from the object we are trying to hit.
• MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on boxes containing seats and motorcycle jackets.

• If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.
• You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me.
• The Earth Is Full - Go Home.
• So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time.
• Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult.
• If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?
• The Face Is Familiar, But I Can't Quite Remember My Name.
• Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.
• Iliterate? Write For Help.
• Honk If Anything Falls Off.
• Cover Me, I'm Changing Lanes.
• He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost But Miles From The Next Exit.
• I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person.
• You! Out Of The Gene Pool!
• I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To.
• Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Handbasket?
• Fight Crime: Shoot Back!
• If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over...(Seen Upside Down On A Jeep)
• Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35mph Are Also Timed For 70mph.
• Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel.
• Boldly Going Nowhere.
• Caution - Driver Legally Blonde.
• Heart Attacks ... God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends.
• Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window.
• How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He Is Lost?
• If You Can't Dazzle Them With Brilliance, Riddle Them With Bullets.
• Money Isn't Everything, But It Sure Keeps The Kids In Touch.
• Saw It... Wanted It... Had A Fit... Got It!
• My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom.
• GROW YOUR OWN DOPE --- PLANT A MAN.
• All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets.
• Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
• I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

• If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
• A penny saved is a government oversight.
• The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.
• The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
• He who hesitates is probably right.
• If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
• The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
• Living on earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
• Birthdays are good for you; the more you have, the longer you live.
• How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.
• Ever notice that the people who are late are often much jollier than the people who have to wait for them.
• If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?
• Most of us go to our grave with our music still inside of us.
• If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day, how come nothing is free yet?
• You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.
• Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
• Don't cry because it's over: smile because it happened.
• We could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colors.......but
• they all have to learn to live in the same box.
• Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.
• A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
• Happiness comes through doors you didn't even know you left open.
• Once over the hill, you pick up speed.
• I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.
• If not for STRESS I'd have no energy at all.
• Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
• Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
• I know God won't give me more than I can handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much.
• You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing.
• Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.
• We cannot change the direction of the wind... but we can adjust our sails.

• SWISS ARMY KNIFE -- male, because even though it appears useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles.
• KIDNEYS -- female, because they always go to the bathroom in pairs.
• TIRE -- male, because it goes bald and often is over-inflated.
• HOT AIR BALLOON: male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a fire under it... and, of course, there's the hot air part.
• SPONGES -- female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain water.
• WEB PAGE -- female, because it is always getting hit on.
• SHOE -- male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out.
• COPIER -- female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up - because it is an effective reproductive device when the right buttons are pushed and because it can wreak havoc when the wrong buttons are pushed.
• ZIPLOC BAGS -- male, because they hold everything in, but you can always see right through them.
• SUBWAY -- male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.
• HOURGLASS -- female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.
• HAMMER -- male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.
• REMOTE CONTROL -- female...Ha!...you thought I'd say male. But consider: it gives man pleasure; he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.

• You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight-savings time.
• You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
• The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
• The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.
• There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
• There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
• People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
• If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
• The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.
• If there really is a God who created the entire universe with all of its glories, and He decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.
• You should not confuse your career with your life.
• A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
• No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
• When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.
• Your friends will love you anyway.
• Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

• At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
• Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
• Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
• Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in"
• Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
• Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."
• Dont use any punctuation marks
• As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
• Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
• Sing along at the opera.
• Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
• Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
• Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
• Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard Kim.
• When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won!", "I won!" "3rd time this week!!!!!"
• When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "run for your lives, they're loose!!"
• Tell your children over dinner. "due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."