• Decisions were made by going "eeny-meeny-miney-mo."
• Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, "do over!"
• "Race issue" meant arguing about who ran the fastest.
• Money issues were handled by whoever was the banker in "Monopoly."
• Catching the fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening.
• It wasn't odd to have two or three "best friends."
• Being old referred to anyone over 20.
• The net on a tennis court was the perfect height to play volleyball and rules didn't matter.
• The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was cooties.
• It was magic when dad would "remove" his thumb.
• It was unbelievable that dodgeball wasn't an Olympic event
• Having a weapon in school meant being caught with a slingshot.
• Nobody was prettier than Mom.
• Scrapes and bruises were kissed and made better.
• It was a big deal to finally be tall enough to ride the "big people" rides at the amusement park.
• Getting a foot of snow was a dream come true.
• Abilities were discovered because of a "double-dog-dare."
• Saturday morning cartoons weren't 30-minute ads for action figures.
• No shopping trip was complete unless a new toy was brought home.
• "Oly-oly-oxen-free" made perfect sense.
• Spinning around, getting dizzy and falling down was cause for giggles.
• The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team.
• War was a card game.
• Water balloons were the ultimate weapon.
• Baseball cards in the spokes transformed any bike into a motorcycle.
• Taking drugs meant orange-flavored chewable aspirin.
• Ice cream was considered a basic food group.
• Older siblings were the worst tormentors, but also the fiercest protectors.

If you can remember most or all of these, then you have LIVED!!!

. . . through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

• On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
• On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
• On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap.
• On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost.
• On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: Do not turn upside down.
• On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating.
• On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body.
• On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery.
• On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness.
• On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning keep out of children.
• On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only.
• On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use.
• On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts.
• On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
• On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands
• On a child’s superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.

Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

1. From a Southwest Airlines employee .... "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane..."
    
2. Pilot-"Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land...it's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."
    
3. After landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.
    
4. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"
    
5. After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced: "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."
    
6. From a Southwest Airlines employee.... "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more.
    
7. Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."
    
8. "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation and in the event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments."
    
9. "As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."
    
10. "Last one off the plane must clean it."
     
11. From the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry... Unfortunately none of them are on this flight...!
     
12. Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant came on the PA and announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seatbelts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"
     
13. Another flight Attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
     
14. An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline." He said that in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally, everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sonny, mind if I as you a question?" "Why no, Ma'am," said the pilot, "what is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land or were we shot down?"
     
15. After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt up against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.
     
16. Part of a Flight Attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of us here at US Airways."

• Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships." -- Jimmy Shubert
• (On going to war over religion:) "You're basically killing each other to see who's got the better imaginary friend." -- Richard Jeni
• "I got kicked out of Riverdance for using my arms." -- Stephen Wright
• "And God said: 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan.'" -- John Wing
• "What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'"
• -- Francois Morency
• "Luge strategy? Lie flat and try not to die." -- Tim Steeves
• "There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an airplane: Either you have diarrhea, or you're anxious to meet people who do." -- Rich Jeni
• "My girlfriend always laughs during sex-no matter what she's reading." -- Emo Philips
• "My cousin just died. He was only 19. He got stung by a bee - the natural enemy of a tightrope walker." -- Emo Philips
• "I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?'" -- Emo Philips
• "Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in." -- Richard Jeni
• "I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a Great White or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot." -- Kevin James
• "My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." – Richard Jeni
• "I read somewhere that 77 per cent of all the mentally ill live in poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23 per cent who are apparently doing quite well for themselves." - Emo Philips