• You're 35 years old and don't have a driver's license.
• You ride in a subway car with no air conditioning just because there are seats available.
• You take the train home and you know exactly where on the platform the doors will open that will leave you right in front of the exit stairway.
• You know what a "regular" coffee is.
• It's not Manhattan...... It's the "city".
• There is no north and south. It's "uptown" or "downtown." If you're really from New York you have absolutely no concept of where north and south are.... And east or west is "crosstown."
• You cross the street anywhere but on the corners and you yell at cars for not respecting your right to do it.
• You move 3,000 miles away, spend 10 years learning the local language and people still know you're from Brooklyn the minute you open your mouth.
• You return after 10 years and the first foods you want are a "real" pizza and a "real" bagel.
• A 500 square foot apartment is large.
• You know the differences between all the different Ray's pizzas.
• You are not under the mistaken impression that any human being would be able to actually understand a p.a. Announcement on the subway.
• You wouldn't bother ordering pizza in any other city.
• You get ready to order dinner every night and must choose from the major food groups which are: Chinese, Italian, Mexican or Indian.
• You're not the least bit interested in going to Times Square on New Year's eve.
• Your internal clock is permanently set to know when alternate side of the street parking regulations are in effect.
• Someone bumps into you, and you check for your wallet.
• You don't even notice the lady walking down the road having a perfectly normal conversation with herself.
• You pay "only" $230 a month to park your car.
• The presidential visit is a major traffic jam, not an honor.
• You can nap on the subway and never miss your stop.
• The deli guy gives you a straw with any beverage you buy, even if it's a beer.

• You say "the city" and expect everyone to know that this means Manhattan.
• You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building.
• The subway makes sense to you, and the subway should never be called anything like the Metro.
• Your door has more than three locks and is made of steel.
• You think Central Park is "nature."
• You pay more each month to park your car than most people in the US pay on their mortgage.
• You haven't seen more than 12 stars in the night sky since you went away to camp as a kid.
• You pay $5 without blinking for a beer that cost the bar 28 cents.
• You have 27 different take-out menus next to your tele- phone.
• Going to Brooklyn is considered a "road trip." Of course, you only go there to attend weddings or funerals.
• America west of the Hudson is still theoretical to you.
• You have jaywalking down to an art form. You're born with it.
• You take a taxi to get to your health club to exercise.
• You don't hear sirens anymore.
• You live in a building with a larger population than most American towns.

• You know the state flower (Mildew).
• You feel guilty throwing aluminum cans or paper in the trash.
• Use the statement ’sun break’, and know what it means.
• You know more than 10 ways to order coffee.
• You know more people who own boats than air conditioners.
• You feel overdressed wearing a suit to a nice restaurant or to church.
• You stand on a deserted corner in the rain waiting for the ‘WALK’ signal.
• You consider that if it has no snow or has not recently erupted, it’s not a real mountain.
• You can taste the difference between Starbucks, Seattle’s Best, and Veneto ’s.
• You know the difference between Chinook, Coho, and Sockeye salmon.
• You know how to pronounce Sequim, Puyallup, Heceta, Yaquina, Yachats, Issaquah, Oregon, Spokane, Yakima, and Willamette .
• You consider swimming an indoor sport.
• You can tell the difference between Japanese, Chinese, and Thai food.
• In winter, you go to work in the dark and come home in the dark while only working eight-hour days.
• You never go camping without waterproof matches and a poncho.
• You are not fazed by ‘Today’s forecast: Showers followed by rain,’ and ‘Tomorrow’s forecast: Rain followed by showers.’
• You have no concept of humidity without precipitation.
• You know that Boring is a town in Oregon and not just a state of mind.
• You can point to at least two volcanoes, even if you cannot see them through the cloud cover.
• You use the phrase ‘The mountain is out’ when it is a pretty day and you can actually see it.
• You put on your shorts when the temperature gets above 50, but still wear your hiking boots and parka.
• You switch to your sandals when it gets about 60, but keep the socks on.
• You have actually used your mountain bike on a mountain.
• You think people who use umbrellas are either wimps or tourists.
• You buy new sunglasses every year, because you cannot find the old ones after such a long time.
• You measure distance in hours.
• You often switch from ‘heat’ to ‘a/c’ in the same day.
• You design your kid’s Halloween costume to fit under a raincoat.
• You know all the important seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Raining, Road Construction, and Deer & Elk season.
• You understood these jokes and will tell your friends.

• Rubber boots are a main part of you wardrobe, and they go with everything.
• You know the difference between : Heavy dew, mist, sprinkle, shower, rain and downpour.
• You actually know what make hay while the sun shine's means.
• If you have walked out your back door and it is raining but out the front door it is not.
• That one of the seasons is also fishing season.
• Outside work does not stop because it is raining, snowing or blowing.
• You just change what clothes you ware and how much.
• We don't have hurricane force winds, we have gales and storm warnings with high winds
• Some of use can tell when we are expecting a storm or rain by the amount of aches and pains in our joints

• Everybody in the state has a boat attached to their car.
• All of their cheese is imported from Michigan.
• Everyone drives at a frantic pace to get toward that little restful spot in the middle of a lake to fish.
• Nobody keeps the fish they catch unless it is in some sort of competition.
• By the looks of the sides of many of the roads, deer hunting season is all year round, half killed by gun and half by pickup.
• There are so many water parks near the Dells, the rivers have run out of water for the Ducks.
• Everything happens at the Illinois/Wisconsin border: The Cheese shops, the Fishing license bureaus, the fireworks and adult shops and the state cops looking for foreign license plates so they can get good booty.
• There are hundreds of construction sites on the roads, but nobody seems to be working them by day. Maybe it’s too hot then and it’s done at night?
• All of the travelers in Wisconsin who come from Minnesota want to get to Illinois. All of the Illinois travelers who are in Wisconsin want to get to Minnesota. The Wisconsin travelers talk about going somewhere, but always manage to stay home.
•  Its a great vacation spot, Wisconsin, that is. Too bad it’s open only a couple of warm months out of the year. Do they really need another outdoor water park?

• First, you must learn to call it by its rightful name. It is DC or 'the District' - only tourists call it Washington.
• Next, if your road map of Montgomery County is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy a new one. It's obsolete. If in Loudoun or Fairfax County and your map is one day old, it's already obsolete.
• There is no such thing as a dangerous high speed chase in D.C. It's just another chase, usually on the BW Parkway .
• All directions start with 'The Beltway'... which has no beginning and no end, just one continuous loop that locals believe is somehow clarified by an 'inner' and 'outer loop' designation. This makes no sense to ANYONE outside the area.
• The morning rush hour is from 5 to 11 AM. The evening rush hour is from 1 to 8 PM. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning, especially during the summer on Route 50 eastbound.
• If there is a ball game at the Redskins stadium, there is no point in driving anywhere near PG County. (Tip: Never say PG County to anyone from Mitchellville, Upper Marlboro, Bowie or Fort Washington (its Prince Georges County ). They'll blow a vessel in their neck and go into a seizure.)
• If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended and shot at. If you run the red light, be sure to s mil e for the $100 'picture' you will receive courtesy of DMV. (However, if you don't go as soon as the light turns green, you will get cussed out in 382 languages.
• Rain causes an immediate 50 point drop of IQ in drivers.
• Snow causes an immediate 100 point drop in IQ and a rush to the nearest Giant for toilet paper and milk.
• Construction on I-270 is a way of life and a permanent source of scorn and cynical entertainment. It's ironic that it's called an 'Interstate,' but runs only from Bethesda to Frederick . (Unless you consider Montgomery County another state, which some do). Opening in the 60's, it has been torn up and under reconstruction ever since. Also, it has a 'Spur' section which is even more confusing.
• All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, 'Oh, we're in Takoma Park '.
• If someone actually has their turn signal on, they are by definition, a tourist.
• Car horns are actually 'Road Rage' indicators. Heed the warning.
• All old ladies in Buicks have the right of way in the area of Leisure World.
• Many roads mysteriously change their names as you cross intersections. Don't ask why, no one knows.
• If asking directions in Arlington , Langley Park, Wheaton or Adams Morgan, Spanish helps. Annandale, Cambodian or Vietnamese will come in handy. If on Dupont Circle, Capital Hill or U Street, tolerance for same sex helps. If you stop to ask directions in Southeast...well, just don't.
• A taxi ride across town will cost you $12.50. A taxi ride two blocks will cost you 16.75. (It's a zone thing, you wouldn't understand.)
• Traveling south out of DC on Interstate 395/95 is the most dangerous, scariest thing you will ever do.
• There is nothing more comforting then seven lanes of traffic cruising along at 85 mph, BUMPER TO BUMPER!!! (Truer words have never been written!)
• The minimum acceptable speed on the Beltway is 85. Anything less is considered down right sissy.
• The open lane for passing on all Maryland interstates is the far right lane because no self-respecting Marylander would ever be caught driving in the 'slow ' lane. Unofficially, both shoulders are fair game also.
• The far left lanes on all Maryland interstates are official 'chat' lanes reserved for drivers who wish to talk on their cell phones. Note: All SUVs have priority clearance to use the far left at whatever speed the driver feels most comfortable multi-tasking in.
• The Beltway is our daily version of a NASCAR reality show. Strap up and collect points as you go.

• Hot water comes out of both taps.
• You find out that a seatbelt buckle makes a pretty nice branding iron.
• The trees are whistling for the dogs.
• You find out that you can get sunburned through your car window.
• The birds need to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.
• You burn your hand opening the car door.
• The temperature drops below 95 and you put on a sweater.
• You can make instant sun tea.
• Shade determines the best parking space, not distance.
• Farmers feed their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard boiled eggs.
• When you step outside at 7:30 a.m., you break into a sweat.
• Potatoes cook underground. This is convenient because all you have to do is pull one out and add salt, pepper and butter.
• You discover that asphalt has a liquid state.
• You realize that it only takes two fingers to steer your car.

Check on your dialect and see if you might have crossed over to the "other side"! Simply click on the correct answer. As you go, the quiz will automatically interpret each answer to show you what your answer implies about you. When you are done, press Compute My Score. Your score will be calculated as a percentage: 0% is pure Yankee and 100% is pure Dixie.  Click here to try test

• Socks are only for bowling.
• You never use an umbrella because you know the rain will be over in five minutes.
• A good parking place has nothing to do with distance from the store, but everything to do with shade.
• Your winter coat is made of denim.
• You can tell the difference between fire ant bites and mosquito bites.
• You're younger than thirty but some of your friends are over 65.
• Anything under 70 is chilly.
• You've driven through Yeehaw Junction.
• You could swim before you could read.
• You have to drive north to get to The South.
• You know that no other grocery store can compare to Publix.
• Every other house in your neighborhood had blue roofs in 2004-2005.
• You've gotten out of school early on Halloween to trick or treat before it got dark
• You know that anything under a Category 3 just isn't worth waking up for.
• You dread love bug season.
• You are on a first name basis with the Hurricane list. They aren't Hurricane Charley, Hurricane Frances...but Charley, Frances, Ivan and Jeanne.
• You know what a snowbird is and when they'll leave.
• You think a six-foot alligator is actually pretty average.
• You were 12 before you ever saw snow, or you still haven't.
• Down South' means Key West
• You think New York drivers licenses should only be valid in New York .
• Flip-flops are everyday wear.
• Shoes are for business meetings and church, but you HAVE worn flip flops to church before.
• Sweet tea can be served at any meal.
• An alligator once walked through your neighborhood.
• You smirk when a game show's 'Grand Prize' is a trip or cruise to Florida
• You measure distance in minutes.
• You have a drawer full of bathing suits, and one sweatshirt.
• You get annoyed at the tourists who feed seagulls.
• A mountain is any hill 100 feet above sea level.
• You think everyone from a bigger city has a northern accent.
• You know the four seasons really are: hurricane season, love bug season, tourist season and summer
• It's not soda, cola, or pop, it's coke, regardless of brand or flavor: 'What kinda coke you want?'
• Anything under 95 is just warm.
• You've hosted a hurricane party.
• You go to a theme park for an afternoon, and know when to get on the best rides.
• ( Space Mountain during the Electric Light Parade!)
• You understand the futility of exterminating cockroaches.
• You can pronounce Okeechobee, Kissimmee, Ichnatucknee and Withlacoochee
• You understand why it's better to have a friend with a boat than to own a boat yourself.
• Bumper stickers on the pickup in front of you include: various fish, NRA, NASCAR, Go Gators, and a confederate flag.
• You were five before you realized they made houses without pools.
• You were 25 when you first met someone who couldn't swim.
• You've worn shorts and used the A/C on Christmas.
• You recognize Miami-Dade as ' Northern Cuba '.

• You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
• "ya'll" is singular and "all ya'll" is plural.
• After five years you still hear, "Ya ain't from 'round here, are ya?"
• "He needed killin'" is a valid defense.
• Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, etc.

You live in Colorado when...

• You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
• You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care center.
• A pass does not involve a football or dating.
• The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

You live in the Midwest when...

• You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
• Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
• You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
• You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
• When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"

You live in Florida when...

• You eat dinner at 4:15 in the afternoon.
• All purchases include a coupon of some kind - even houses and cars.
• Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
• Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
• Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people.