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You Might Be a Yankee If...
  • You don't think Howard Stern has an accent.
  • You have never planned your summer vacation around a gun*and*knife show.
  • You think more money should go to important scientific research at your university than to pay the salary of the head football coach.
  • You don't have at least one can of WD*40 somewhere around the house.
  • The last time you smiled was when you prevented someone from getting on an on*ramp on the highway.
  • You don't have any hats in your closet that advertise feed stores.
  • The farthest south you've ever been is the perfume counter at Neiman Marcus.
  • You call binoculars opera glasses.
  • You can't spit out the car window without pulling over to the side of the road and stopping.
  • You would never wear pink or an appliqued sweatshirt.
  • You don't know what appliqued is.
  • Most of your formative high school experiences took place within the context of a football game.
  • You don't know anyone with two first names (i.e. Joe Bob, Billy Bob, Bubba Kay Bob, Bob Bob)
  • You don't have doilies, and you certainly don't know how to make one.
  • You've never been to a craft show.
  • You get freaked out when people on the subway talk to you.
  • You can't do your laundry without quarters.
  • None of your fur coats are homemade.
  • You have no idea what a polecat is.
  • Whenever someone tells an off*color joke about farm animals, it goes over your head.
  • You don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on a poodle.
  • You don't have bangs.
  • You would rather vacation at Martha's Vineyard than Six Flags.
  • More than two generations of your family have been kicked out of the same prep school in Connecticut.
  • You would rather have your son become a lawyer than grow up to get his own TV fishing show.
  • Instead of referring to two or more people as "y'all," you call them "you guys," even if both of them are women.

Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.
 

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You know you're in Arizona when ...
  • You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water.
  • You can say 110 degrees without fainting.
  • You eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off.
  • You can make instant sun tea.
  • You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
  • The temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly.
  • You discover that in July, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car.
  • You discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window.
  • You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
  • Hot water now comes out of both taps.
  • It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is out on the streets.
  • You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
  • You break a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m. before work.
  • No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car or not having air conditioning.
  • Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"
  • You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.

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You know you are from Upper East Tennessee if . . .
  • You can buy beer at a drive up window and the corner grocery but you have to drive to the Virginia side of Bristol or Johnson City to buy hard liquor ( brand name and taxed ).
  • You know what a "holler" is and know them all by name in your county.
  • You refuse to use the new names 911 gave to the roads because of yuppie move-ins pressure. You still call it the Dogtown Road, Bugaboo Holler, Dump Hill and Pogie.
  • You helped run the KKK out of town.
  • You’ve had the local sheriff’s dept. deliver a quart of shine to you when you couldn’t get out to get it yourself.
  • The local sheriff and the resident state trooper buy their liquid refreshment from you.
  • You stock up on mothballs every spring. The crawl space under your house is covered in them. You’re NOT covered in snakes.
  • You call everyone older than you aunt or uncle.
  • You can cook on a wood cook stove.
  • Your kids have snow days because some of the kids have 10 times as much snow as they do in town.
  • You get caught in a DUI check point at 3 in the afternoon, and get an ankle bracelet with a large charm from the county.
  • You ride a horse or mule to work because you lost your license.
  • You borrow your neighbors license plate so you can drive into town.
  • The weatherman from town calls for a dusting of snow. You walk out into waist deep white fluffy stuff.
  • You KNOW that these mountains eat automatic transmissions. You can eat a moon pie, drink a coke and shift gears all at the same time.
  • You’ve been " maid of honor" in baggy sweats and your fuzzy Elmo house slippers.
  • Your dog has had the UPS man treed on top of his truck.
  • You know what a "mountain fiste" is. You also know that THAT is the proper spelling for 200 years, not the way the UKC and AKC spell it.
  • You’ve made like a hood ornament on a shopping cart while your cousin pushed it thru Winn-Dixie ( and totally embarrassed your {then} Yankee boyfriend.
  • You’ve embarrassed or scared half to death every Yankee boyfriend you’ve brought home to the holler to meet "the kin".
  • You don’t know a stranger.
  • "Family" ain’t necessarily blood kin. Lots of times they’re no relation at all.
  • You flew the stars and bars at half-mast when Cousin Minnie, Bill Monroe , Grandpa Jones and Dale Earnhardt crossed over the river.
  • You know what a goober pea is.
  • . . ."the old lady" , "the old man", "old woman", "old man" are terms of endearment the same as "honey" "sweetheart", etc.
  • You’d rather raise and can your food rather than go to the store.
  • You can’t wait for ramps and branch lettuce to come in season.
  • Mary has ever met you at the courthouse at midnight to renew your tag ‘cause it expired and you forgot about it and you have to drive out of state tomorrow and it’s a weekend.
  • The church bus comes and picks up your kids for church.
  • You don’t see anything unusual about a sign on a building saying "Freewill Baptist Church and Wheel Alignments".
  • Long lines in the store don’t upset you. Just start conversatin’ with the person behind of you.
  • You always plant by the signs.
  • .You’ve ever used the back of your pickup as a beer can disposal.
  • Turn signals are considered an optional accessory of vehicles.

Submitted by Karen, Roan Mountain, Tn formerly of Gettysburg, Pa
 

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You know you're from the Hudson Valley of New York State

  • When no matter how much you try to explain to someone who lives truly upstate or in another state, that you are NOT part of "the city." It's two hours away.

  • The Hudson River isn't called it's proper name. It's "The River." And if you are living on the east bank, OR west bank, you never go to a particular town on the opposite side. It's always just "I've got to go across the river."

  • You know the guys from American Chopper personally, and you just don't get why it's such a hit show.

  • The four seasons here are snow, ice and snow, rain, and 100 degree days with 99% humidity.

  • A tornado warning, a severe thunderstorm warning, and all things of the sort make no impression on you. Everything breaks up as soon as it hits the Catskill mountains.

  • Not one city grid here makes sense. Nobody can understand them, unless you live in that particular city. And even if you do, there are still streets that you haven't heard of.

  • You know which part of the cities to stay away from. And which cities have towns. And which towns have Hamlets. And you also know that zip codes can contain multiple towns and counties.

Submitted by Nicole, from the Hudson Valley, NY
 

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You Might Be a Yankee If... Part 2
  • You would rather vacation at Martha's Vineyard than Six Flags.
  • More than two generations of your family have been kicked out of the same prep school in Connecticut.
  • You would rather have your son become a lawyer than grow up to get his own TV fishing show.
  • Instead of referring to two or more people as "y'all," you call them "you guys," even if both of them are women.
  • You don't think Howard Stern has an accent.
  • You have never planned your summer vacation around a gun*and*knife show.
  • You think more money should go to important scientific research at your university than to pay the salary of the head football coach.
  • You don't have at least one can of WD*40 somewhere around the house.
  • The last time you smiled was when you prevented someone from getting on an on*ramp on the highway.
  • You don't have any hats in your closet that advertise feed stores.
  • The farthest south you've ever been is the perfume counter at Neiman Marcus.
  • You call binoculars opera glasses.
  • You can't spit out the car window without pulling over to the side of the road and stopping.
  • You would never wear pink or an appliqued sweatshirt.
  • You don't know what appliqued is.
  • Most of your formative high school experiences took place within the context of a football game.
  • You don't know anyone with two first names (i.e. Joe Bob, Billy Bob, Bubba Kay Bob, Bob Bob)
  • You don't have doilies, and you certainly don't know how to make one.
  • You've never been to a craft show.
  • You get freaked out when people on the subway talk to you.
  • You can't do your laundry without quarters.
  • None of your fur coats are homemade.

Submitted by Bill, Ardmore, Pa.
 

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You Might Be A Yankee If...
  • You think Heinz Ketchup is SPICY!
  • You've watched the movie "Deliverance" and you're afraid to ever go on a camping trip.
  • For breakfast, you'd rather have potatoes than grits.
  • You can name at least 4 hockey teams.
  • You don't know what a moon pie is.
  • You've never eaten Okra.
  • You wonder why people in restaurants don't talk as loud as you do.
  • You have never planned your summer vacation around a gun-and-knife show.
  • You don't have any problems pronouncing "Worcestershire sauce" correctly.
  • You've never had grain alcohol.
  • You are familiar with all the rules to Lacrosse.
  • You have no idea what a polecat is.
  • You don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on a poodle.
  • You don't have bangs.

Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England
 

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You Know You Live in a Small Town when …
  • you don’t use turn signals because everybody knows where you’re going.
  • neighbors’ kids play in your yard more than your own kids do.
  • you’re born on June 13 and your family receives gifts from the local merchants because you’re the first baby of the year.
  • there is no local news section in the newspaper.
  • you speak to each dog you pass … by name … and he wags his tail at you
  • you dial the wrong number, and talk for 15 minutes anyway.
  • you can’t walk for exercise because everyone offers you a ride.
  • the biggest business in town sells farm machinery.
  • you write a check on the wrong bank and it covers you anyway.
  • you missed church on Sunday and the preacher sends you a get-well card!

Submitted by Elaine, Emmitsburg, Md.
 

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You Know You're From Rochester, NY When...
  • The only thing at the annual May Lilac Festival is snow.
  • The worst four-letter word you could say is "Fuji". (Rochester has Kodak)
  • You thought that you had figured out that alternate-parking thing, but wind up with a ticket anyway. (during winter you must park on alternating sides of the street to facilitate plowing)
  • Toronto is about 70 miles away, but it takes four hours to get there. (You have to deal with a lake (Ontario))
  • There's an 800 number to report a pothole in the road.
  • In a city where it snows at least 90 inches a year, they build a new sports stadium with no roof on it.
  • A musical comes to town 10 years after its Broadway premier and the entire town goes nuts!
  • You awaken from a deep sleep, look at the clock and see that it's 6:00, but you have no idea whether it's AM or PM.
  • More than 18 inches of snow falls overnight, but you never thought of NOT going to work. (Or school)
  • You are perplexed when friends from other cities come to visit and want to "see the sights".
  • There are places at the poles that seem to get more sunlight during the winter months than we do.
  • You define summer as three months of bad sledding.
  • Half the change in your pocket is Canadian, eh.
  • You believe that "down south" means Maryland.

Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England
 

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You Know You Are a True Pennsylvanian when:
  • "Vacation" means going up north past I-80 for the weekend.
  • You measure distance in hours.
  • You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.
  • You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again.
  • You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.
  • You see people wearing camouflage at social events (including weddings).
  • You install security lights on your house and garage and leave all the doors unlocked.
  • You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them.
  • You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
  • Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
  • You know all 4 seasons: almost fall, winter, still winter and road construction.
  • You can discriminate between a "Lancaster" or an "Allentown" accent.
  • Your idea of creative landscaping is a concrete statue of a deer next to your blue spruce. It's shot up several times each hunt'n season...
  • You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age.
  • Down South to you means West Virginia.
  • You find 0 degrees "a little chilly."
  • Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his NEW FORD F150.
  • You go out to the big Howard Johnsons fish fry every Friday and bingo at the Catholic Church every Wednesday.
  • Your 4TH of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.
  • You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.

Submitted by Barb, Unionville, Pa.
 

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