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A man was
helping one of his cows give birth . . .
. . . when he noticed his
6-year-old son standing wide-eyed at the fence, soaking in the
whole event.
The man thought,
"Great...he's 6 and I'm gonna have to start explaining the
birds and bees. No need to jump the gun - I'll just let him ask,
and I'll answer."
After everything was over, the
man walked over to his son and said, "Well son, do you have
any questions?" "Just one," gasped the still
wide-eyed lad, "how fast was that calf going when he hit
that cow?
Submitted by Vicki,
Kennet Square, Pa.
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The CIA had an
opening for an assassin
After all of the background
checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three
finalists, two men and a woman. For the final test, the CIA
agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him
a gun. "We must know that you will follow your
instructions, no matter what the circumstances. In side of this
room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill
Her!!!"
The man said, "You can't
be serious. I could never shoot my wife." The agent said,
"Then you're not the right man for this job."
The second man was given the
same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All
was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with
tears in his eyes." I tried, but I can't kill my
wife." The agent said, "You don't have what it takes.
Take your wife and go home."
Finally, it was the woman's
turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband.
She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one
shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on
the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened
slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her
brow, and said, "This gun is loaded with blanks. I had to
beat him to death with the chair."
Submitted by Sister
Wink, Brooklyn NY.
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A woman goes to
her boyfriend's' parents' house for dinner.
This is to be her first time
meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down
and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a
little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli
casserole.
The gas pains are almost making
her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to
relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty fart. It wasn't
loud, but everyone at the table heard the poof. Before she even
had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked
over at the dog that had been snoozing at the woman's feet and
said in a rather stern voice, "Skippy!"
The woman thought, "This
is great!" and a big smile came across her face. A couple
of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This
time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer
fart rip. The father again looked and the dog and yelled, "Dammit
Skippy!"
Once again the woman smiled and
thought "Yes!" A few minutes later the woman had to
let another one rip. This time she didn't even think about it.
She let rip a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing. Once
again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled,
"dammit Skippy, get away from her before her farts kills on
you!"
Submitted by Mike,
Broomfiled, Co.
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