He thinks to himself "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies - two in the front seat and three in the back - wide eyed and white as ghosts.

The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"

"Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."

"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly...Twenty two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly.

The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit.

A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. "But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask...Is everyone in this car ok? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time." the officer asks.

"Oh, they'll be alright in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119."

These special phrases are also applicable to anyone reading a PhD dissertation or academic paper.

• "It has long been known" ... I didn't look up the original reference.
• "A definite trend is evident" ... These data are practically meaningless.
• "While it has not been possible to provide definite answers to the questions" ... An unsuccessful experiment but I still hope to get it published.
• "Three of the samples were chosen for detailed study" ... The other results didn't make any sense.
• "Typical results are shown" ... This is the prettiest graph.
• "These results will be in a subsequent report" ... I might get around to this sometime, if pushed/funded.
• "In my experience" ... Once.
• "In case after case" ... Twice.
• "In a series of cases" ... Thrice.
• "It is believed that" ... I think.
• "It is generally believed that" ... A couple of others think so, too.
• "Correct within an order of magnitude" ... Wrong.
• "According to statistical analysis" ... Rumor has it.
• "A statistically-oriented projection of the significance of these findings" ... A wild guess.
• "A careful analysis of obtainable data" ... Three pages of notes were obliterated when I knocked over a glass iced tea.
• "It is clear that much additional work will be required before a complete understanding of this phenomenon occurs" ... I don't understand it.
• "After additional study by my colleagues" ... They don't understand it either.
• "Thanks are due to Joe Blotz for assistance with the experiment and to Cindy Adams for valuable discussions" ... Mr. Blotz did the work and Ms. Adams explained to me what it meant.
• "A highly significant area for exploratory study" ... A totally useless topic selected by my committee.
• "It is hoped that this study will stimulate further investigation in this field" ... I quit.

One spots a real cutie sitting on a pile of horse manure and dives down toward her. "Pardon me" he asks, turning on his best charm, "...but is this stool taken?"