Actual Quotes From
Patients Charts ...
- She has no rigors or shaking
chills, but her husband states she is very hot in bed at
night.
- Patient has chest pain if
she lies on her left side, for over a year.
- On the second day the knee
was better, and on the third day it disappeared.
- The patient is tearful and
crying constantly. She also appears depressed.
- The patient has been
depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
- Discharge status: Alive but
without my permission.
- Healthy appearing decrepit
69-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
- The patient refused autopsy.
- The patient has no previous
history of suicide.
- Patient's medical history
has been insignificant with only a 40-pound weight gain in
the past three days.
- Patient had waffles for
breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
- She is numb from her toes
down.
- While in ER, she was
examined, x-rated and sent home.
- The skin was moist and dry.
- Occasional constant
infrequent headaches.
- Patient was alert and
unresponsive.
- Rectal examination revealed
a normal-size thyroid.
- She stated that she had been
constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
- I saw your patient today,
who is still under our car for physical therapy.
- Examination of genitalia
reveals that he is circusized.
- The lab test indicated
abnormal lover function.
- Patient was to have bowel
resection, but took a job as stockbroker instead.
- Skin: somewhat pale but
present.
- The pelvic exam will be done
later on the floor.
- Patient has two teenage
children but no other abnormalities.
Submitted by Katrina, Smithsburg,
MD.
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Osama bin Laden,
was not feeling particularly well . . .
. . . and concerned about his
mortality, goes to consult a psychic about the date of his
death.
Closing her eyes and silently
reaching into the realm of the future, she finds the answer:
"You will die on an
American holiday."
"Which one," bin
Laden asks, nervously.
"It makes no
difference," she replied. "Whenever you die, it will
be an American holiday."
Submitted by Cassie,
Littlestown, Pa.
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