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An
Irishman with a bad leg hobbled into a restaurant one
afternoon.
He painfully sat down at a
booth and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Irishman
looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus over
there?" The waitress nodded so the Irishman told her to
give Jesus a cup of coffee too.
The next patron to come in was
an Englishman with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth
and asked the waitress for a glass of hot tea. He also glanced
across the restaurant and asked "Is that Jesus over
there?". The waitress nodded so the Englishman said to give
Jesus a cup of hot tea too.
The third patron to come into
the restaurant was a Hillbilly from Eastern Kentucky. He
swaggered over to a booth, sat down and hollered "Hey there
sweet thang, hows about getting me a cold glass of Coke!".
He too looked across the restaurant and asked "Is that
God's boy over there?". The waitress nodded so the
Hillbilly said to give Jesus a cold glass of coke too.
As Jesus got up to leave He
passed by the Irishman and touched him and said "For your kindness, you
are healed." The Irishman felt the strength come back into
his leg and got up and danced a jig out the door.
Jesus also passed by the
Englishman, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you
are healed." The English man felt his back straightening up
and he raised his hands, praised the Lord and did a series of
back flips out the door.
Then Jesus walked towards the
Hillbilly. The Hillbilly jumps up and yells, "Hey man don't
touch me ...... I'm drawing disability!!!!!"
Submitted by Ericka, Emmitsburg, Md.
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Redneck Jokes, My Little
Sister's Jokes,
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A sales rep, an administration clerk and their manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil
lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke.
The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one."
"Me first! Me first!" cries the admin clerk.
"I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world
Poof! She's gone.
In astonishment, "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal
masseuse, an endless supply of pina coladas and the love of my life."
Poof! He's gone.
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of story: always let your boss have the first say.
Submitted by Mike, Broomfield, Co.
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Before Shamus and Paddy were pilots, they were passengers on a jumbo crossing the Atlantic.
The pilot came on the intercom to report trouble with engine number one that had to be shut down. The flight would last
an hour longer, but there was no cause for alarm.
After a while, the pilot reported an oil leak on engine number four. Absolutely no cause for anxiety as a jumbo can fly
on the two remaining. But a further delay in their arrival. Some concern rippled round the passengers.
Sure enough, the pilot later reports a fuel feed problem on engine number three.
Paddy turns to Shamus and says: ‘Do you know what I’m thinking Shamus?"
‘No, what’s that you’re thinking then, Paddy?’
‘Well. I’m thinking that if that other engine goes, we’ll be up here all bloody night’.
Submitted by Vicki, Downingtown, Pa.
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Secrets of Life Take 1: Go have fun in the Meadow!
Submitted by Dave, Bolder, Co.
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Oct 4 Humor Page
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