Taxiing down the tarmac, the DC10
abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate ...
- ...After an hour-long wait, it
finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight
attendant, "What, exactly, was the problem?" "The pilot was
bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the
flight attendant. "It took us a while to find a new pilot."
- In his book," Sled Driver,"
SR- 71 Blackbird pilot Brian Shul writes "I'll always remember a
certain radio exchange that occurred one day as Walt (his
backseater) and I were screaming across Southern California 13
miles high (70,000 ft!). We were monitoring various radio
transmissions from other aircraft as we entered Los Angeles
airspace. Though they didn't really control us, they did monitor
our movement across their scope. I heard a Cessna ask for a
readout of its ground speed." "90 knots" Center replied. Moments
later, a Twin Beech required the same. "120 knots," Center
answered. We weren't the only ones proud of our ground speed
that day, as almost instantly an F-18 smugly transmitted, "Ah,
Center, Dusty 52 requests ground speed readout." There was a
slight pause, then the response, "525 knots on the ground,
Dusty". There was another silent pause. As I was thinking to
myself how ripe a situation this was, I heard a familiar click
of a radio transmission coming from my back seater. It was at
that precise moment I realized Walt and I had become a real
crew, for we were both thinking in unison. "Center, Aspen 20,
you got a ground speed readout for us?" There was a longer than
normal pause... "Aspen, how is 1,742 knots". No further
inquiries were heard on that frequency.
- In another famous SR-71 story, Los
Angeles Center reported receiving a request for clearance to FL
60 (60,000ft). The incredulous controller, with some disdain in
his voice, asked, "How do you plan to get up to 60,000 feet?"
The pilot (obviously a sled driver), responded, " We don't plan
to go up to it, we plan to come down to it." He was cleared.
- One jet fighter was running "a bit
peaked". Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was
number two, behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down. "Ah",
the fighter pilot remarked, " The dreaded Seven-Engine
approach."
- "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn
right 45 degrees." "Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much
noise can we make up here?" "Sir, have you ever heard the noise
a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"
- Pilot on Radio: "Tower, we are
approaching the runway and we are leveling off at 3,000 feet.
Voice breaks in on Radio: "Wait, you can't level off at 3,000
feet, I am at 3,000 ft." Pilot on Radio: "You idiot, you're my
co-pilot"
Submitted by Don, Middletown, Md.
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One
day a farmer's donkey fell down into a
well.
The
animal cried piteously for hours as
the farmer tried to figure out what to
do. Finally he decided the animal was
old, and the well needed to be covered
up anyway, it just wasn't worth it to
retrieve the donkey.
He
invited all his neighbors to come over
and help him. They each grabbed a
shovel and began to shovel dirt into
the well. At first, the donkey
realized what was happening and cried
horribly. Then, to everyone's
amazement, he quieted down. A few
shovel loads later, the farmer looked
down the well, and was astonished at
what he saw.
As
every shovel of dirt hit his back, the
donkey did something amazing. He would
shake it off and take a step up. As
the farmer's neighbors continued to
shovel dirt on top of the animal, he
would shake it off and take a step up.
Pretty soon, everyone was amazed, as
the donkey stepped up over the edge of
the well and trotted off!
The
Moral... Life is going to shovel dirt
on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick
to getting out of a hole is to shake
it off and take a step up. Each of our
troubles is a stepping stone. We can
get out of the deepest holes just by
not stopping, never giving up! Shake
it off and take a step up!
Submitted
by Dick, Williamsport, Md.
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A blonde calls an Airline and
asks how long will take to fly from San Francisco to New York City
...
The agent replies, "Just
a minute..."
"Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up.
- A blond asked for a pink curtain for
her computer screen.
The surprised salesman replies: "But, madam, computers do not
have curtains.... "
And the blonde said: "Helloooo.... I've got Windows!!!!"
- A blonde heard that milk baths make you
beautiful. So she left a note for her milkman to leave 15
gallons of milk.
When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake.
He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the
door to clarify the point. The blonde came to the door and the
milkman said: "I found you r note to leave 15 gallons of milk.
Did you mean 15 gallons or 1.5 gallons?"
The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons. I'm
going to fill my bathtub with milk and take a milk bath."
The milkman asked, "Pasteurized?"
The blonde said, "No, just up to my
chest ..."
Submitted by Bill, Narberth, PA.
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July
28th Humor Page
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