The Jewish people met and picked an aged but wise Rabbi to represent them in the debate. However, as the Rabbi spoke no Italian and the Pope spoke no Yiddish, they all agreed that it would be a 'silent' debate.

On the chosen day the Pope and the Rabbi sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.

The Rabbi looked back and raised one finger.

Next, the Pope waved his finger round his head.

The Rabbi pointed to the ground where he sat.

The Pope then bought out a communion wafer and a chalice of wine.

The Rabbi pulled out an apple.

With that, the Pope pulled declared he was beaten, that the Rabbi was too clever, and the Jews could stay.

Later, the cardinals met with the Pope, asking what had happened.

The Pope said 'First, I held up three fingers to represent the trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there is still only one god common to both our beliefs. Then, I waved my finger to show him that god was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground to show that god was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us of all our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin. He had me beaten and I could not continue.'

Meanwhile, the Jewish community were gathered around the Rabbi. "How did you win the debate?" They asked.

"I haven't a clue", he replied. "First, he said to me that we had three days to get out of Italy, so I said to him 'Up yours.' Then he tells me that the whole country would be cleared of Jews, and I said to him we're staying right here."

"And then what?" asked a woman.

"Who knows," said the Rabbi," he pulled out his lunch, so I pulled out mine."

SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one that will cooperate)

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

NEAREST RELATIVE....7 miles

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.