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Insulting with class
- "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of
the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill
- "A modest little person, with much to be
modest about." - Winston Churchill
- "I have never killed a man, but I have read
many obituaries with great pleasure." -Clarence Darrow
- "He has never been known to use a word that
might send a reader to the dictionary." -William Faulkner (about
Ernest Hemingway)
- "Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big
emotions come from big words?" - Ernest Hemingway (about William
Faulkner)
- "Thank you for sending me a copy of your
book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas
- "He can compress the most words into the
smallest idea of any man I know." - Abraham Lincoln
- "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But
this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx
- "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a
nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain
- "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked
by his friends." - Oscar Wilde
- "I am enclosing two tickets to the first
night of my new play, bring a friend... if you have one." - George
Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
- "Cannot possibly attend first night, will
attend second... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in reply
Submitted by Jay, Long Island,
NY.
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Quotes for real life Soccer players
- "My parents have been there
for me, ever since I was about 7." - Tim Cahill
- "I would not be bothered if we lost every
game as long as we won the league." - Mark Viduka.
- "Guus Hiddink is the best manager I've ever
had at this level. Well, he's the only manager I've actually had at
this level. But he's the best manager I've ever had." - Lucas Neill.
- "If you don't believe you can win, there is
no point in getting out of bed at the end of the day." - John Aloisi.
- "I've had 14 bookings this season - 8 of
which were my fault, but 7 of which were disputable." - Ned Zelic.
- "I've never wanted to leave. I'm here for the
rest of my life, and hopefully after that as well." - Mark Schwarzer.
- "I'd like to play for an Italian club, like
Barcelona." - Vince Grella.
- "You've got to believe that you're going to
win, and I believe we'll win the World Cup until the final whistle
blows and we're knocked out." - Harry Kewell.
- "I'm as happy as I can be - but I have been
happier." - Mile Sterjovski.
- "Leeds is a great club and it's been my home
for years, even though I live in Middlesborough." - Mark Viduka.
- "I can see the carrot at the end of the
tunnel." - Craig Moore.
- "I took a whack on my left ankle, but
something told me it was my right." - Harry Kewell.
- "I couldn't settle in Italy- it was like
living in a foreign country." - Vince Grella.
- "Germany is a very difficult team to play . .
. they have 11 internationals out there." - Zeljko Kalac.
- "I always used to put my right boot on first,
and then obviously my right sock." - Jason Culina.
- "The Brazilians were South American, and the
Ukrainians will be more European." - Scott Chipperfield.
- "All that remains is for a few dots and
commas to be crossed." - Marco Bresciano.
- "One accusation you can't throw at me is that
I've always done my best." - Craig Moore.
Submitted by Lindsey, Melbourne, Australia
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There was a man called him Jim, who lived near a river. Jim was a very
religious man.
One day, the river rose over the banks and flooded the town, and Jim was
forced to climb onto his porch roof. While sitting there, a man in a
boat comes along and tells Jim to get in the boat with him.
Jim says "No, that's ok. God will take
care of me." So, the man in the boat drives off.
The water rises, so Jim climbs onto his roof. At that time, another boat
comes along and the person in that one tells Jim to get in.
Jim replies, "No, that's ok. God will take care of me." The person in
the boat then leaves.
The water rises even more, and Jim climbs on his chimney. Then a
helicopter comes and lowers a ladder. The woman in the helicopter tells
Jim to climb up the ladder and get in.
Jim tells her "That's ok."
The woman says "Are you sure?"
Jim says, "Yeah, I'm sure God will take care of me. Finally, the water
rises too high and Jim drowns. Jim gets up to Heaven and is face-to-face
with God.
Jim says to God "You told me you would take care of me! What happened?"
God replied "Well, I sent you two boats and a helicopter. What else did
you want?"
Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England
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Brief political observation
If you consider that there has been an average of 160,000 troops in the
Iraq Theater of operations during the last 22 months, and a total of
2,112 deaths, that gives a firearm death rate of 60 per 100,000
soldiers.
The firearm death rate in Washington D.C. is 80.6 per 100,000 for the
same period.That means that you
are about 25% more likely to be shot and killed in the U.S. Capitol,
which has some of the strictest gun control laws in the nation, than you
are in Iraq.
Conclusion: The U.S. should pull out of Washington immediately.
Submitted by Eleanor, San Francisco,
Calif.
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The US Standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet,
8.5 inches.
That's an exceedingly odd number. Why
was that gauge used? Because that's the way they built them in England,
and the US railroads were built by English expatriates.
Why did the English people build them like that? Because the first rail
lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways,
and that's the gauge they used.
Why did "they" use that gauge then? Because the people who built the
tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building
wagons, which used that wheel spacing.
Okay! Why did the wagons use that odd wheel spacing? Well, if they tried
to use any other spacing the wagons would break on some of the old, long
distance roads, because that's the spacing of the old wheel ruts.
So who built these old rutted roads? The first long distance roads in
Europe were built by Imperial Rome for the benefit of their legions. The
roads have been used ever since. And the ruts? The initial ruts, which
everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagons, were
first made by Roman war chariots. Since the chariots were made for or by
Imperial Rome they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing.
Thus, we have the answer to the original questions. The United States
standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches derives from the original
specification for an Imperial Roman army war chariot. Specs and
Bureaucracies live forever.
So, the next time you are handed a specification and wonder what horse's
rear came up with it, you may be exactly right. Because the Imperial
Roman chariots were made to be just wide enough to accommodate the
back-ends of two war horses.
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Redneck Palm Pilot
Submitted by Bill, Ardmore, Pa. |
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