Humor Selections for June 16th, 2006


     My Little Sister's Jokes > Recent Addition List

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Happily maintained  by the Community of Emmitsburg, MD.

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A farmer had some puppies he needed to sell.

He painted a sign advertising for 4 pups and set about nailing it to a post on the edge of his yard. As he was driving the last nail into the post, he felt a tug on his overalls. He looked down into the eyes of little boy.

"Mister," he said, "I want to buy one of your puppies."

"Well," said the farmer, as he rubbed the sweat off the back of his neck, "These puppies come from fine parents and cost a good deal of money."

The boy dropped his head for a moment. Then reaching deep into his pocket, he pulled out a handful of change and held it up to the farmer. "I've got thirty-nine cents. Is that enough to take a look?"

"Sure," said the farmer. And with that he let out a whistle. "Here, Dolly!" he called. Out from the doghouse and down the ramp ran

Dolly followed by four little balls of fur. The little boy pressed his face against the chain link fence. His eyes danced with delight.

As the dogs made their way to the fence, the little boy noticed something else stirring inside the doghouse.. Slowly another little ball appeared, this one noticeably smaller. Down the ramp it slid. Then in a somewhat awkward manner, the little pup began hobbling toward the others, doing its best to catch up....

"I want that one," the little boy said, pointing to the runt. The farmer knelt down at the boy's side and said, "Son, you don't want that puppy. He will never be able to run and play with you like these other dogs would."

With that the little boy stepped back from the fence, reached down, and began rolling up one leg of his trousers. In doing so he revealed a steel brace running down both sides of his leg attaching itself to a specially made shoe. Looking back up at the farmer, he said, "You see sir, I don't run too well myself, and he will need someone who understands."

With tears in his eyes, farmer reached down and picked up the little pup.  Holding it carefully handed it to the little boy.

"How much?" asked the little boy.

"No charge," answered the farmer, "There's no charge for love."

Submitted by Kermit
 

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More real signs that give you pause when read ...
  • On a ski lift in Taos, NM: 'No jumping from the lift. Survivors will be prosecuted.'
  • Official sign near door: Door Alarmed. Handprinted sign nearby: Window frightened.
  • Road sign seen on the island of Cyprus. (translation of the Greek): 'Caution: Road Slippery from Grapejuice'
  • A sign advertising a Company wide skiing race: Let's see who can go downhill the fastest.
  • Sign in King's Canyon in California. 'Slow Parking Ahead'
  • A billboard seen next to the highway, travelling from Johannesburg International Airport into town. An Ad for BMW showing a photo of a BMW 328i convertible with the roof and all the windows down. The caption reads:' Our hardware runs better without WINDOWS!!!'
  • Two signs found on top of one another in a country kitchen several years ago: Restrooms to the left. Please wait for the hostess to seat you.
  • Seen in a health food store. "Shoplifters will be beaten over the head with an organic carrot"
  • "Children left unattended will be towed at parents expense."
  • I went to a little hole in the wall restaurant: the sign read: Women are not served here. You have to bring your own.

Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England  
 

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I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said Thyroid problem?'
  • When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.
  • I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming.
  • I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. I don't get on with my real ladder.
  • A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Bypass. Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals.
  • I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'
  • If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out of meat?
  • You know that look women get when they want $ex? No, me neither.
  • Politicians are wonderful people as long as they stay away from things they don't understand, such as working for a living.
  • I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
  • Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before

Submitted by Bill, Ardmore, Pa.
 

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The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection ...

... and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.  Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch.

The grave site was piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven.

He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes

Submitted by Debbie, Middletown, Md.
 

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What happens when kids have too much time on their hands ... Download Video
 

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New Orleans Proposal for Rebuilding

Submitted by Don, Hagerstown, Md.
 

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June 14th Humor Page