You gotta love the Canadian sense of
humour.
West Jet is an Airline with head office
situated in Calgary, Alberta. West Jet airline attendants make an effort
to make the in-flight "safety lecture" and announcements a bit more
entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or
reported:
On a West Jet flight (There is no
assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were
apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant
announced, "People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a
seat and get in it!"
On another West Jet Flight with a very
"senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen,
we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin
lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your
flight attendants."
On landing, the stewardess said,
"Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave
anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."
From a West Jet Airlines employee:
"Welcome aboard West Jet Flight 245 to Calgary. To operate your seat
belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works
just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate
one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."
"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin
pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the
mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling
with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are
traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite."
"Weather at our destination is 50
degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before
we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money,
more than West Jet Airlines."
"Your seat cushions can be used for
flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle
to shore and take them with our compliments."
"As you exit the plane, make sure to
gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed
evenly among the flight attendants.. Please do not leave children or
spouses."
Heard on West Jet Airlines just after a
very hard landing in Edmonton: The flight attendant came on the intercom
and said, "That was quite a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking.
I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the
pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the
asphalt."
After a real crusher of a landing in
Halifax, the attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please
remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the
aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke
has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door
and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."
Part of a flight attendant's arrival
announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today.
And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the
skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of West Jet
Airways."
Heard on a West Jet Airline flight.
"Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this
airplane is on the wing. If you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."
Submitted by Frank, Bethesda, Md.
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