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| Once upon a time, there was a prince who, through no fault of his own...
... was cast under a spell by an evil witch. The curse was that the prince could speak only one word each year. However, he could save up the words
so that if he did not speak for a whole year, the following year he was allowed to speak two words. (This was before the time of letter writing or sign language.)
One day, he met a beautiful princess (ruby lips, golden hair, sapphire eyes) and fell madly in love with her. With the greatest difficulty, he refrained from speaking
for 2 whole years so that he could look at her and say, "My darling." But at the end of these 2 years, he wished to tell her that he loved her. So he waited 3 more years without speaking,
bringing the total number of silent years to 5.
At the end of these 5 years, he realized that he had to ask her to marry him. So he waited another 4 years without speaking.
Finally, as the 9th year of silence ended, his joy knew no bounds. Leading the lovely princess to the most secluded and romantic place in that beautiful royal garden,
the prince heaped a hundred red roses on her lap, knelt before her, and taking her hand in his, said, "My darling, I love you! Will you marry me?"
And the princess tucked a strand of golden hair behind her dainty ear, opened her sapphire eyes in wonder, and parting her ruby lips, said, "Pardon?"
Submitted by Lindsay, Melbourne, Australia - so long ago he probably doesn't remember it!
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Sister's Jokes,
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| Two rednecks in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard.
One of the men walked in the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos."
The clerk asked, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"
The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck. He returned and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-four."
The clerk said, "All right. How long do you need them?" The customer paused for a minute and said, "I'd better go check."
After a while, the customer returned to the office and said, "A long time. We're gonna build a house."
Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England
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Redneck Jokes, My Little
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Old is when...
- Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Pick one; I can't do both!"
- Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.
- A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.
- Going braless pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
- You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
- You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
- "Getting a little action" means you don't need to take any fiber today
- "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.
- An "all nighter" means not getting up to use the bathroom.
And ...
You are not sure these are jokes.
Submitted by Bob, Rockville, Md
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About Aging, My Little
Sister's Jokes
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| An old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, he called his lawyer.
"I want to become a lawyer. How much is it for the express degree you told me about?"
"It's $50,000," the lawyer said. "But why? You'll be dead soon, why do you want to become a lawyer?"
"That's my business! Get me the course!"
Four days later, the old man got his law degree. His lawyer was at his bedside, making sure his bill would be paid. Suddenly, the old man was racked with fits of
coughing and it was clear that this would be the end. Still curious, the lawyer leaned over and said, "Please, before it's too late, tell me why you wanted to get a law degree so badly before
you died?"
In a faint whisper, as he breathed his last, the old man said, "One lawyer less ..."
Also submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England
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Lawyer Jokes, My Little
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| A woman calls her boss one morning ... ...and tells him
that she is staying home because she is not feeling well.
"What's the matter?" he asks.
"I have a case of anal glaucoma," she says in a weak voice.
"What the hell is anal glaucoma?"
I can't see my ass coming into work today.
Submitted by Ashley, Emmitsburg, Md.
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Little Sister's Jokes,
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Where's your camera? Take 1
You can take your $20 Kodak Brownie or $50,000 of expensive video equipment, wait and wait for the rest of your life, chances are that you will never get one picture like these.
Submitted by Bill, Ardmore, Pa.
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Nov 9th Humor Page
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