Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room.

The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation.

By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn't a spy. They gassed up his airplane, gave him a terrifying "you-did-not-see-a-base" briefing, complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in prison, told him Vegas was that-a-way on such-and-such a heading, and sent him on his way.

The next day, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same Cessna showed up again. Once again, the MP's surrounded the plane... only this time there were two people in the plane.

The same pilot jumped out and said, "Do anything you want to me, but my wife is in the plane and you have to tell her where I was last night!"

"Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy didn't move.

Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy didn't respond.

Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Cocoa, pull!" Nothing.

Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.

The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.

The farmer said, "Oh, Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!"

Something to think about: "How To Save the Government $5 Million!"

A president's pension currently is $191,300 per year, lasting until he is 80 years old.

Assuming the next president lives to age 80:

1. Sen. McCain would receive ZERO pension, as he would reach 80 at the end of two terms as president.
2. Sen. Obama would be retired for 26 years after two terms, so would receive $4,973,800 in pension.

Therefore, it would certainly make economic sense to elect McCain in November.

Now, how's that for non-partisan thinking???

• Hot water comes out of both taps.
• You find out that a seatbelt buckle makes a pretty nice branding iron.
• The trees are whistling for the dogs.
• You find out that you can get sunburned through your car window.
• The birds need to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.
• You burn your hand opening the car door.
• The temperature drops below 95 and you put on a sweater.
• You can make instant sun tea.
• Shade determines the best parking space, not distance.
• Farmers feed their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard boiled eggs.
• When you step outside at 7:30 a.m., you break into a sweat.
• Potatoes cook underground. This is convenient because all you have to do is pull one out and add salt, pepper and butter.
• You discover that asphalt has a liquid state.
• You realize that it only takes two fingers to steer your car.

A big shot attorney had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his staff. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him.

The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She came into his room and announced, 'I have to take your temperature.' After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth.

'No, I'm sorry,' the nurse stated, 'but for this reading, I can't use an oral thermometer.' This started another round of complaining but eventually he rolled over and bared his behind.

After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, 'I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!'

She left the door to his room open on her way out. He cursed under his breath as he heard people walking past his door, laughing.

After a half hour, the man's doctor came into the room.

'What's going on here?' asked the doctor.

Angrily, the man answered, 'What's the matter, Doc? Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?'

After a pause, the doctor confessed....

'Not with a carnation.'