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| A tour guide was talking with a group of school kids at Yellowstone Park... ...when one of the kids asked him if he had ever come face-to-face with a wolf.
"Yes, I came face to face with a wolf once. And as luck would have it, I was alone and without a weapon."
"What did you do?" the little girl asked.
"What could I do? First, I tried looking him straight in the eyes but he slowly came toward me. I moved back, but he kept coming nearer and nearer. I had to think fast."
"How did you get away?"
"As a last resort, I just turned around and walked quickly to the next cage.
Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England
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Your Favorite Prescription Is Being Pulled?
- Every year, thousands of old drugs get replaced by new. Here is how to tell that yours is going to be replaced:
- Your drug now has new initials after its old name like Zippedee APF
- The cost of your old drug has gone down to under fifty dollars to meet generic competition.
- The commercial spokesman used to be a local announcer. Tony Bennett is touting the new one.
- You discover that your drug now comes in a tablet that looks like aspirin instead of gelcaps.
- Your doctor cannot get samples of your drug any longer.
- Suddenly there are unconfirmed reports of new side effects on your pill that you never heard of before.
- Your old drug is now being combined with another old drug to form a new and expensive new drug with new premium prices.
- Your old advertising spokesman for your drug died fifteen years ago.
- You can understand all of the information about the drug including its formula name and the name of its inventor.
- It is preferred by AARP.
Submitted by Bruce, Cold Harbor, Ill.
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This year's worst puns...
- The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
- I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
- She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.
- A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
- No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
- A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
- A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
- Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
- Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
- Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
- Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, "You stay here; I'll go on a-head."
- I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
- A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: "Keep off the Grass."
- A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, "No change yet."
- A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
- Don't join dangerous cults, practice safe sects!
- The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium, at large.
- The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
- A backward poet writes in-verse.
- In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
- When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
Submitted by former Emmitsburg Mayor Ed.
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You Know That You've Overdosed on The World Wide Web When
- Your opening line is: "So, what's your homepage address?"
- You are overcome with disbelief, anger, and finally depressed acceptance when you encounter a Webpage with no links.
- You felt driven to consult the "Cool Page of the Day" on your wedding day.
- Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
- You are driving on a dark and rainy night when you hydroplane on a puddle, sending your car careening towards the flimsy guardrail that separates you the precipice of a rocky cliff and certain death, and you desperately look for the "Back" button.
- You visit "The Really Big Button That Doesn't Do Anything" again and again and again.
- Your dog has his own webpage.
- So does your hamster.
- When you read a magazine, you have an irresistible urge to click on the underlined passages.
Submitted by Bill, Ardmore, Pa.
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| Christian the Lion ... Download Video Submitted by Julie, Middleburg, Va.
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Honey, can u take out the garbage? These are from a guy out in Coquitlam, B.C. The pictures were taken from his kitchen onto his patio deck, & his kids were playing on the kitchen floor !
Submitted by Dane, Saint Joseph, Missouri
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Jan 12th Humor Page
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