... and found that in a certain area, the New Hampshire and Maine border must be changed. They stopped to inform a farmer that he was no longer in Maine, but now in New Hampshire.

After a long pause, he grunted and said, "That's good. I couldn't take another one of these Maine winters."

Submitted by Bill, Ardmore, Pa.
 

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... and grandpa Stanley gets out. The polite policeman explained that this elderly gentleman said that he was lost in the neighborhood park and couldn't find his way home.

"Oh Stanley", said grandma Marge. "You've been going to that park for over thirty years! How could you get lost?"

Leaning close to his wife, so that the policeman couldn't hear, grandpa Stanley whispered, "I wasn't lost. I was just too tired to walk home."

Submitted by April, Frederick, Md.
 

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... suddenly stopped going to synagogue. Alarmed by the old fellow's absence after so many years of faithful attendance, the Rabbi went to see him.

He found him in excellent health, so the Rabbi asked, "How come after all these years we don't see you at services anymore?"

The old man lowered his voice. "I'll tell you, Rabbi," he whispered. "When I got to be 90, I expected God to take me any day. But then I got to be 95, then 100, then 105. So, I figured that God is very busy and must have forgotten about me, and I don't want to remind Him.

Submitted by Jon, Emmitsburg, Md.
 

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Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England
 

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.... "I would like to buy two yellow canaries," she told the owner.

"We don't have any canaries, but we have these," the owner said, as he showed the lady some pale green parakeets.

"That's not what I'm looking for," the lady stated.

But the pet storeowner refused to give up. He said, "Just think of them as yellow canaries that aren't quite ripe yet."

Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.
 

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Submitted by Dewey, Pensacola, Fl.
 

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May 13th Humor Page