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| Because of a minor infraction, a shipmate of mine aboard the USS Reeves... ..., bound for Japan, was busted one rank, fined and given extra duty for three weeks. Looking forward to celebrating his 21st birthday on July 22, he consoled
himself every night during his extra duty by reciting, "They can bust me, they can fine me -- but they can't take away my birthday." As July 22 approached, his excitement increased. When he went to bed on July 21, he happily repeated,
"They can bust me, they can fine me -- but they can't take away my birthday."
The next morning, he found out that the ship had crossed the international date line -- and it was July 23.
Submitted by Captain Dan, Savanna, Ga.
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| When the wealthy businessman choked on a fish bone at a restaurant... ... he was fortunate that a doctor was seated at a nearby table.
Springing up, the doctor skillfully removed the bone and saved his life.
As soon as the fellow had calmed himself and could talk again, he thanked the surgeon enthusiastically and offered to pay him for his services.
"Just name the fee," he croaked gratefully.
"Okay," replied the doctor. "How about half of what you'd have offered when the bone was still stuck in your throat?"
Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.
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An angry wife was complaining about her husband... .... spending so much of his free time in the local bar, so one night he took her along with him. "What'll you have?" he asked.
"Oh, I don't know. The same as you I suppose," she replied. So, the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel's and threw his down in one shot.
His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spit it out. "Yuck, that's TERRIBLE!" she spluttered. "I don't know how you can drink this stuff!"
"Well, there you go," cried the husband. "And you think I'm out enjoying myself every night!"
Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England
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Headlines From The "Wizard of Oz"
- Witch Is Liquidated, Original Perpetrator Escapes in Balloon.
- Cowardly Jungle Creature Struck On Proboscis by Illegal Alien In Forest.
- Revered Government Leader exposed as fraud by Terrier
- Alien Drops in on Midget community after Flying House crashes After Storm.
- Before Party, Munchkins Discover Body of Local Celebrity Under Crashed House.
- Forest Invaders Attempt to Access Poppy Field for Opium
- Oz Wizard Cannot Control Balloon, leaves Passengers Behind.
- Strange Kansas Farm girl Sports Mysterious Red Shoes
- West Witch Drops in and Surprises Party with Smoke and Fire.
- Oz Inhabitants Just Walk Around, Sing and Act Happy.
- Oprah Winfrey Is New Good Witch of the South
- Shirley Temple is Disguised Munchkin.
- W.C. Fields Turns Down Wizard Role When He Is Told Not To Juggle.
- Buddy Ebsen Says that Silver Makeup Turned Him Into A Hillbilly.
Submitted by Bruce, Cold Harbor, Ill.
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| Ausse Blind Cricket - Download Video Submitted by Cathy, Storrington, England!
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Submitted by Dewey, Pensacola, Fl.
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Sept 23rd Humor Page
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